I Will Wait For You
by Lunamar
Summary: Derek Shepard came to Seattle to be chief, and now that he finally got there, none of it means anything without someone to share it with. Meredith, the love of his life, has disappeared she's nowhere to be found. MerDer. Post 3.25 CHAPTER 21 IS UP!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Derek Shepard has been looking through the window of his office for some time now, lost in his own thoughts, he's finally sitting in this chair, the chair that he dreamed to be sitting on for so long, for as long as he could remember, all his energy, all his work, was focused on getting to seat on that chair. He came to Seattle to be Chief, and he was finally there, in that office, his office now, looking through that large window, sitting in that black leather chair. He should be happy, he should feel pride, he should feel whole… and complete… he should feel so many things, but he didn't… he wasn't exited, he wasn't proud, he wasn't happy, and his only thought was Miranda's words playing in his head over an over like a broken record; _"All of this means nothing, if you're alone" _She said to him, when he told her that Meredith was interfering with his plans to become chief… ¡She was right! ¡She was so right! ¡Damn woman! ¡Damn her wisdom! ¡And damn him, for not listening!

It's been seven months since he had taken the position, and seven months also since she disappeared from the face of the earth completely… she didn't say goodbye… she didn't explain… she didn't even told her friends where she was heading… Or what she was going to do… She just left… and with her she took his heart and soul, even if she didn't knew it… even if she didn't believe him when he told her that she was the love of his life… ¡She is the love of his life! And right now he would give everything… to have the opportunity of seeing Meredith Grey again…

He'd tried it all… He'd look everywhere, he flew to Boston, hoping that she'd went back there… but nothing… He even hired a private detective, whom was taking his money… and wasn't giving him much answers… And Derek needed answers… He had so many questions that needed to be answered and the one person who could take that weight from his shoulders was nowhere to be found… Why? Was a continuous word in his head. Why she'd left like that? Why she felt like she couldn'ttalk to him? She was in pain… He knew that… Thatcher broke her… he broke her when he told her that she wasn't wanted… And Ellis broke her before that… Meredith was so broken… And she felt like she didn't deserve anything, like she didn't deserve to be happy. Why? Why his love wasn't enough? Where is she?

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. It was Patricia, once Richard's secretary… now his…

"_Dr. Shepard… Dr. Grey is here to see you"_

For a moment, his heart flip and his breath stop… at the sound of that name, thinking that it may be her… his friend… his lover… his soul mate… his everything… even if she lost track… even if she's been lost, and can't find her way home… But disappointment came immediately, when he saw Lexy Grey through the window… If there is something to regret… He regrets telling Meredith that he met another woman at Joe's… And he certainly regrets dating Lexy that one time, after Meredith broke up with him… Nothing happened with Lexy but still, Meredith knew that he went on a date with her sister… And that must have broken her even more… ¡Damn him, and his stupidity! He was mad at her at the time… he wasn't thinking clearly, when he asked Lexy out…

"_Dr. Shepard…"_ Patricia interrupted his thoughts.

"_Oh yeah… tell her to come in"_

Patricia left the room and Lexy came inside the room… She has an empty look, you can tell she's been crying… Derek looked at her.

"_I'm so sorry…_" The girl said._ "I don't know what to say… I think… I think I may not be cut out for this… I just… I thought I was right… I_ _thought it was the right decision… And now… now she's dead… she's dead because of me… And now she will never grow up to be just like her mother, like she wanted… And she will never be able to see the whales swimming in the ocean, like she told me she wanted to… I Killed her…_"

"_It's ok"_

"_No it's not… I told her family that she was going to be fine… I told them it was a simple procedure… I promise them…"_

"_Yeah well… there is a lesson to be learn there… I'm sorry it's a harsh one… but we chose a harsh profession… so we take harsh lessons each day… you made a terrible mistake… Trust me you_ _are not the only one… We've all made mistakes that had lead to the death of someone…. That's just the way it is… but you don't let that mistake haunt you forever… you step up, and you keep going… You don't quit… If you quit now… all you're gonna have is that little girl that died because you made a mistake… But if you stay… you will have a lot others that you've saved because you were right… You do not get to quit now…" _The look on Derek's face is determined and compassioned at the same time… He's been there… They all have been there… _"I'm going to send you with the psychiatrist, and you can take some time off if you like, but I will not accept your resignation, not until you have time to process all this… Ok?"_

"_Ok"_

The girl turn back to leave the place but she suddenly stopped and without turning back she whispered. _"Do you think that's how she felt when my mother died?" _Lexy finally turned to face Derek._ "Do you think that's why she left?"_

Derek's heart shrink at the thought of it… At the thought of how Meredith felt when Susan died… Even if it wasn't Meredith's fault… She assured her father that it was a simple procedure…, which it was… And still, she died… Just when she was opening herself to the idea of letting Thatcher and Susan, to be a part of her life… She was really trying… And even if Meredith never said it… he knew that she felt responsible for it… And of course Thatcher made that clear, openly blaming her for Susan's death.

"_Maybe… I don't know"_

Lexy doesn't really know why she felt the need to confess this to Derek, maybe she felt like as if telling him was the same as telling Meredith. She didn't had much time to knew her sister, she just met her a few times, before she left… But right know she knew exactly how Meredith felt when Susan died… and she felt like she needed to apologize to her… She needed to justify her father's actions… She needed to fix this… Her mother would wanted her to… Susan wanted to bring Meredith and Thatcher together… and Lexy felt like she should continue what her mother started, but Meredith was long gone… and Derek seem like the closest thing for her to apologize to her sister… So before she knew it, she was confiding in him… _"He's drunk all day…"_ She said._ "_He_ seems to be permanently attached to the couch, watching TV, it's almost like he died with her, he loved my mother so much, he didn't mean all those things, he was just broken, he is still broken, and I don't know if he'll ever recover from this"_ Her voice was trying to hold the pain. _"And I…"_

Derek couldn't felt but anger. He didn't care about Thatcher Grey nor his pain. So he interrupted the girl before she could finish.

"_Dr. Grey… I thing that's all for now… you can go back to your work "_

Lexy felt a little disappointment at Derek's reply, she really needed to explain herself, but obviously Derek had his own demons to fight with, so she turn around and left the room leaving Derek with his own pain, with his own thoughts. Thatcher Grey was not the only broken man… Derek was broken too… he didn't need to drink like Thatcher to numb the pain… all he needed to do was to throw himself into his work, like a robot, like some sort of zombie… day and night, everything left for him, was his job… He didn't even remember when was the last time he went home to take a shower and had some sleep in his own bed… there was nothing to go home to, there was no one there…

And once again the question, lingering in Derek Shepard's thoughts… Hoping that she could somehow listen to his prayers… that she could somehow sense his pain… Meredith, where are you? Please come back… come back to me…

**A/N So this is my first fic. I really do hope you like it, If you find some grammatical mistakes feel free to correct me. English is not my first language, so I'm considering this as an opportunity to enlarge my vocabulary and practice my  
English as in writing in it, instead of speaking which is much more easier. Please review. I will update tomorrow. And by the way I do not own anything, and this is only for entertaining purposes.**


	2. I'll Come And Get You

**I'll Come And Get You.**

_Meredith Grey is sitting outside Derek's trailer holding a mug of coffee, her expression seems quiet… at peace… her eyes are lost in the distance __as if she's expecting something__. Her body is wrapped in a blanket she stole from Derek's bed, beneath the blanket there is nothing but her naked skin. It's still dark but at the distance, some magnificent reddish colors mingled with blue and purple, are starting to appear above the sky. This is exactly why she loves to sleep at the trailer… the view is amazing… __she loves the sight of the sunrise… and that smell so familiar and yet always new of a new fresh morning, while she tastes her coffee, prepared by her love just the way she likes it__. She seems to be so wrapped up in the moment that she didn't notice Derek's presence at the entrance of the trailer, __he's been watching her__ for quite some time, just the look of her makes his world stop, she is so beautiful to him, she's a rare diamond… When she finally feels his gaze, __she turns to him__ and her green eyes get lost in the intense blue of his, she offers him a wide and sincere smile, filled with the love and complicity they share after making love, he smiles back at __her with the acknowledgement__ that comes after a wonderful evening… __They've just experienced a perfect an unforgettable moment__ … the kind of moment __they want__ to hold in their __minds and souls__ forever… __Derek walks towards her and stands behind her wrapping his strong arms around her waist and trails soft kisses along her neck. While the both of them are waiting__ for the sun to fully rise. They look happy… they look whole… they look at peace… right now… they don't need anything else… that's it… that must be heaven… _

The insistency of the sound of his cell phone startled him up. What the hell! He was finally… finally falling asleep in a very uncomfortable on call bed… - Why do on call bed's are always so uncomfortable? It doesn't matter how new the mattress is, they never feel like your own bed… It's as if they were specially manufactured for you not to get too comfortable in them…- And now after a long struggle to force himself to fall asleep… the ring tone of his phone woke him up. Seriously? He looked at the watch in his wrist; it was four in the morning in less than an hour he has to go back to work. Thank god for caffeine!

"_Hello"_ Derek answered with a confused and sleepy voice.

"_I found her" _Said a male voice on the phone.

"_What?" _Derek couldn't fully understand what the man was saying.

"_I found your girlfriend" _the voice on the phone reply.

Derek's heart started to rise. All kinds of thoughts and emotions were firing at him, so rapidly, that he couldn't really tell exactly what he was feeling. Was it happiness? Was it relief? Was it fear or pain? He just couldn't tell… Is this really happening?

"_Where is she?" _Derek demanded.

"_We need to talk"_

"_Where is she?" _Derek's voice started to get more urgent. He needs to know where she is, he needs to know right now.

"_Houston General Hospital" _the man said.

"_I'll book a flight"_ Derek said while he get out of the bed and put his shoes on.

"_We need to talk first" _the man insisted.

"_We will talk when you pick me up at the airport"_

And with those final words, Derek shot his phone down. This is it, he would finally see her again. His heart was beating so fast that he could feel almost like it was going to get out of his chest. He'd been waiting for this moment for so long. Seven months, three weeks, four days, five hours, twenty minutes and fifteen seconds to be exact. He found her, the detective he hired, had finally made Derek's money worth spent. -What the hell was she doing in Houston?- It doesn't matter… The only thing that matters now, is that he finally knows where she is, and he was determined to go there and get her back home where she belongs…

He needed to think… He needed to come with a plan… He needed to find the exact words, to convince Meredith, once he'd seen her, to come back to Seattle. He needed a plan… and for the first time in his life he has non… But first things first… he needed to book a flight to Houston….

I'm on my way my love… I'll come and get you… I'll bring you home… Maybe not… maybe I got it wrong… maybe I'm the one heading home… It's as if I'm drowning and you're like come out for fresh air… I need to breath… Wait for me… I'll be there soon…

Everything around him seemed to be happening in slow motion, he barely has any recollection of the events of the day, just some flashes and pieces… He remembers telling Mark to take care of things while he's gone, and Cristina following him around asking all kinds of questions about her… about his Meredith… He remembers driving to his trailer and putting some clothes in a small bag... He remembers boarding the plane…

You think that after waiting so long for this moment he would have a whole speech prepared once he'd seen her, a whole lot of things to be said to her… but right now his mind seem to be blank… there was no speech… and even if it were it was forgotten now… he had no idea what he was going to say to her… How is that possible? How can you love someone that much… and yet not being able to find the right words to get through to her… He is so afraid… He doesn't know what to expect… An terrified as he feels, right now… in the middle of Houston's airport, walking through an ocean of faces and greetings, and farewells… trying to locate the over-paid detective that was supposed to pick him up and bring him to her…

There he is… a short bold man… in a dark suit… God he has a cynical appearance… And he had always hated that kind of people… As Derek approached him, the man reaches his hand towards him.

"_Dr. Shepard… Had a good flight?"_ the man said as he took Derek's bag and started walking to the exit of the airport… _"The car is not far from here. I took the liberty to get you a hotel room. Would you like me to get you there first so you can have some rest before…"_

Derek interrupts him abruptly… _"No… take me to her… I need to see her now"_

The man stopped to look at Derek for a moment, and then continued his way to his car.

He was good at reading people… And maybe that's why he didn't attack the man with a thousand questions about his Mer, as much as he wanted to know about how she's been… or what she's been doing… There was something going on… Something happened… Something was wrong… He could tell… And that is why he didn't say a word… He was afraid to ask… he didn't really wanted to know… Not if the answer is going to brake his heart… which is already broken to begin with… maybe if he pretends he didn't notice something was off… maybe if he tries not to think about it… So he just ride along in silence… looking through the window to the world happening outside the car… trying to hold himself together… trying to prepare himself for the storm he knew was coming… while the detective was driving him to the hospital…

He parked the car in front of Houston's general hospital, he took the keys of the ignition and with a heavy sigh looked at Derek… This is it… the moment of truth… He usually loves being right about things… but not now… Right now he hates to be right… He hates he knew beforehand… He knew something was off… And he knew how the man in front of him, despites he seems like the kind of person who offers no consideration towards others, was trying to delay this moment… the moment of truth… So he put together all the strength he had at the moment and finally asked the question he'd been afraid to ask since he got In the car…

"_So you said we needed to talk first… Tell me… What is it?_

"_She's not in this hospital as a doctor… she's in the hospital as a patient… she's been a patient for some months now… And she's not alone"_

Derek's heart felt so small, so broken… and hopeless… all he could think was to get to that room as fast as he could, but just when he needed them the most, somehow his legs seemed to be failing at him. It's as if his knees weren't up to the task of keeping him standing, every time he took a step his legs were bending down, almost hitting the floor, and his hands, his hands were shaking… And his head… his head was about to explode…

Nobody seemed to know exactly what happened to her… She was in some sort of accident, they just found her laying on the street… they figured she was hit by a car…. But they never found the driver or the car… She had internal bleeding and a severe head injury… Her fragile body had to put up with far too many surgeries, through out the past months… Her brain is too swollen… too damaged… she's been in a coma for a few months now… She didn't had an Id with her or a phone number… Nobody knew her name, or her origin… Nobody came asking for her… or the baby… It's pretty remarkable how even in her situation, even with all the stress her tiny body had to put up to the pregnant girl with no name at room 3456, didn't lost her baby… And right now, she's not the pregnant girl with no name anymore… She's not alone in this world… She belongs to someone… There is someone there at the door looking at her right now… There is some one there to claim her and her child… Her name is Meredith Grey… And she belongs to him… she belongs to Derek…

Derek stood at the door of her room for what It seemed like forever… She looked so peaceful… so beautiful… And inside of her a life was growing… A life that was his and hers… He walked towards the bed and before he knew it he was sobbing desperately, burring his head in her neck, holding her tightly. He was crying for all the things that never were… for all the past… and all the pain… and for that baby… His baby…

I'm finally here my love, as I promised… I'm here for you… I'm here to get you home…


	3. Suddenly a Familiar Feeling

**DE JA VOU.**

Suddenly a familiar feeling, a well to known sensation was paying him a visit… the coldness throughout his body… the stillness, the uselessness and the paralyzing fear came back to him, as and old unwelcome friend that hangs around because he refuses to let you forget about him…

The last time that Dr. Derek Shepard ever felt so useless… so helpless, so confused, so scared, and alone… and small… yes… especially small… Was the time when he was forced out of the exam room by Richard, right after Meredith was losing her battle for the reach of fresh air, against the cold wave of hypothermia carrying death with it, and in that moment (more like an eternity) of helplessness and terror, he begged to God, even if he didn't really believe in him, to spare him from ever experience those feelings again… and yet here he is… feeling, once again, so unbelievably small… small and frightened… and powerless too…

He'd performed countless of incredible and rare medical procedures, which most neurologists wouldn't even dream to perform successfully… And once again, as a recurrent nightmare, when it comes to the most important person in his life, all his knowledge… all his experience… all his brilliantness was worth absolutely nothing… He couldn't be there for her… He couldn't protect her… He couldn't save her… Which is really ironic, because by saving her he would really be saving himself… so in the end this is not about Meredith Grey at all… it never really was… this is about him… and his own struggle to take a breath of fresh air… He said to her that he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep breathing for her… He got it wrong, because right now… it actually seems to be the other way around… Life… is not without a sense of irony…

He thought that once he'd found her everything would be all right… he thought that once he'd found her all his questions will be answered… all his worries will find their peace… He was really convinced that whatever the problem was it could be fixed… but he never expected to find her like this… Her body was there, but not her mind… she was hanging in a balance between a very thin line, she was still alive, but she was kind of dead… she was there in body… but not in soul… she could wake up tomorrow or she could not wake up at all… she seemed more lost to him now… than when she fiscally disappeared on him seven months ago… she was more unreachable to him now… than she was when he wasn't being able to communicate with her… And she seemed so fragile… and skinny… and small… and broken… with an eight-month belly rising above her thin and shattered body…

Is this a joke? Is there someone up there having fun with this? Because all his questions not only weren't answered… Now he had a million more… She's pregnant and she didn't told him… Is the baby his? It has to be his… She's eight months pregnant… the time seems to be right… Eight months ago they were still together… and Meredith was trying to leave all the drowning thing behind… eight months ago they were sharing a magical night in his trailer, just before he started to act so stupidly about being chief and then… Susan happened… and Thatcher being unbelievably stupid… and coward… and Christina's almost wedding, and Meredith braking up with him, and him asking Lexi out… and Meredith leaving him… and now a coma… and a baby… Tragedy seems to like to hang around in the neighborhood… What is this a soap opera? Which is ridiculous, especially because of all the things he hates the most, soap operas are certainly one of them…

So it is his… he knows it… he doesn't need physical evidence… He just knows it… that baby is his… What was she planning to do? All alone with a baby… What was she thinking when she left Seattle carrying his baby without telling anyone… not even Christina… What happened to her? How on earth did she ended up in Houston? Why she left like that? She must have been terrified… terrified and alone… and pregnant…. Very… very… pregnant… Holy crap! On the top ten list of unexpected things… finding out your girlfriend is in a deep coma with an eight months pregnancy after looking her for seven months… most definitely has to be the number one…

He always thought that the day that a woman gave him the gift to be a father; he would be the happiest man on earth, especially if that woman happens to be the love of his life. But he's not… he doesn't feel happy… he doesn't feel excited… He's not even interested in knowing the sex of the baby… if anything he feels resentment… he resents the baby… he can't help to blame that tiny little innocent unborn baby, for her disappearance.

He knows her pregnancy is the reason, or one of the reasons, she decided to run away from him… She doesn't know how to deal with things… especially big… unexpected… scary… finding out you are pregnant while your ex-boyfriend dates your sister, yeah… the one your father is super proud at… kind of things… She's an avoider…! She avoids…! She doesn't deal…! She runs away…! If there is anybody to blame for that, he blames Ellis and Thatcher… especially Thatcher… And YES he blames the baby for stealing her from him… And NO he wasn't the happiest man on earth… He was the saddest… the loneliest, and the bitterest… And most importantly… on the blaming scale… the one person he blames the most… that would have to be himself…

He felt he was being punished… and worse he felt he deserve it… If only he hadn't acted so stupid and selfish about being chief… If only he hadn't pushed her away by telling her he couldn't breath for her… There are so many if onlys… If only he could go back in time… All he really wanted… all he really cared… was his friend… his love… his soul mate… his Meredith… and how to find a way back to her…

Deep down… what was really bothering him… what was really… really making him feel terrified… even if he didn't wanted to admit it… was the thought of becoming a father without her… That's not the way things are supposed to turn out… He doesn't want to… NO…! He can't raise a child all by himself…! He just can't…! How is he supposed to do that alone? How is he supposed to raise that little person, while having a broken heart…? How can he give all the things a child needs…? Things like love… and security… and protection… when right now, he doesn't have anything to give… He is empty… It's just not fair… not to him… not to the baby…

He didn't really realize how long has it been since he came down that plane and set a foot in this hospital… Or how long he spent arguing to the chief and dealt with doctors with no satisfactory answers… and arranged ridiculous legal hospital paperwork and bureaucracy in order to prove his right to take Meredith and the baby back home with him… The worse part of the emotional tiredness of having a sick love one is dealing with stupid people… saying stupid things… asking stupid questions… and having stupid requirements… and worse… Who the hell gave this stupid people any kind of degree?

The tiredness of the events of the day… week… months… seven to be exact… had finally caught up with… so he finally, against his will, started to drift in and out of sleep… while sitting on a very hospital like… very uncomfortable chair…. in the ICU, right beside Meredith's bed… Pretty soon he was profoundly sleeping… He found himself, like every single night since she left, meeting her in his dreams… It's funny but every day that passed since Meredith left him… his dreams seemed to be more vivid, more real… He even found himself wishing to be able to live in his dreams, instead of having to take his slow and lonely reality… His dreams were the only place where he could taste those days of happiness with her, before Ellis's lucid day, where everything seemed to be ok… in a time where she actually aloud herself to be happy without questioning her luck… Those days were the happiest days of his life… but they are far long gone now… and all that he keeps from that time… it's just the memory of it… Just a flash… And it's not enough… Just a whiff of Meredith is not enough… He needs more time… He needs… he… he can't… brea… he can't breathe…

"_Dr. Shepard…! Dr Shepard…!" _a female voice was trying to wake him up, as he felt a gentle hand moving his shoulder. He seemed to be having a nightmare. He seemed to be hyperventilated… and sweaty… He opened his eyes, and looked at the female doctor in front of him with frightened eyes… He relaxed his facial expression once he realize where he was and whom was talking to him…

"_Dr. Shepard… are you ok?"_

"_Yeah… I'm fine…" _he answered as he straightened up on the chair, trying to seem less sleepy than he actually is…

"_Everything is ready… the helicopter is waiting on the roof"_

"_Ok… Thank you Dr. Jones" _he said as he left the chair and walked towards the side of Meredith's bed.

A few nurses and doctors are moving around hurriedly and efficiently, preparing Meredith to take her to the roof… making sure her vitals are OK… and everything is ready to go…

While two nurses are pushing the gurney with all kind of medical machines and tubes connected to Meredith's fragile body, out of the room, Derek stops them for a second and takes the woman's tiny hand between his own… he looks at her with a heart ache for a second… as he gently rubs his thumb trough her forehead as he did that day…the day she was cold… and blue… and lifeless… in the exam room… while Richard was throwing him out… the day she drowned on him in the freezing water of Elliot Bay… He kisses her forehead and whispers softly through her ear… _"We are going home my love… Everything is going to be all right… " _Derek nods to the nurses indicating that they can carry up with their way to the roof as he follows them closely…

**A/N That's it… I'm sorry It took me so long to update… But had to go out of town to get a knee surgery, and I couldn't access the internet… But I did had a lot of time to write so expect quicker updates… I already have a few more chapters, I'm just correcting them… I also want to apologize because of the medical stuff… Its hard enough to write in a foreign language to me… an I admit my ignorance regarding medical knowledge… and I wish I could have more time to make some research but I don't… So I warn you that the medical stuff would probably be a figment of my imagination… I'll try to research but I can't promise… So if you happen to be doctors… please… play along with me… This is a fictional story…**


	4. Dear Friend

**My Dear Friend.**

A freezing chill had been running along her spine all day long… It was a big day… and her heart was very aware of it… even if she was trying to pretend she didn't had a heart… So what do you know, she has a heart…! But that doesn't mean she has to publish it for the whole hospital to know… So every time the thought of Meredith jumps in her mind, and her heart rises up… she just ignores any sign of life… Can anybody explain to her how exactly an emotionless robot goes from being cold as an ice cube… to suddenly have her heart climbing up her throat… whenever she had an encounter with anyone who could provide her with any information about her friend… her sister… her person… and the fact that she's coming back home today…

Christina Yang got to the hospital earlier than she used to… she told herself it was because of the surgeries… she wanted to get the best cases, but it wasn't… she was just trying to fill her time with surgeries, lots and lots of surgeries… She was hiding… hiding from the world… hiding from her…, which is stupid because she's in a coma… She can't deal with it…! Not again…! Crap! Ever since she started to act like a human being and turned herself into a more vulnerable person, life sucked for her… and she hated it, so after her almost wedding… she promised herself she'd go back to be the old Christina… No feelings… No attachments… Just work… work… work… work… Which is exactly what she was trying to do… But the world around her was determined to not let her go back to her old self… meaning Izzie Stevens chased her down… all the way to the elevator just to inform her how… she was on her way to the roof to meet Dr. Bailey who was already expecting for the helicopter carrying Meredith… She can't see her…! Not like that…! What was she supposed to say…? What was she supposed to do…? What can she do to help her? Because back then, seven months ago when she actually could do something, she didn't… She had enough just trying to contain the nod in her throat… and the flood attempting to brake down through her cheeks… Christina Yang doesn't cry! That's for whinny girls! Christina Yang is hardcore! She can't do this…! Not again…! Luckily for her, the sound of her pager gets her off the hook… She has to go…! She walks out the elevator… Not a word said… Not a show of emotion… Nothing… She just walks away from Izzie and doesn't turn back…

"_So I saw Derek giving to my sister his McDreamy look… and the smile… and the charms… at Joe's… having drinks... she was having tequila…My tequila…! In our spot…! The spot we've met… That's my place…! Our place…! That's my place to have tequila… and pick up inappropriate guys… I found it first… and now he takes her to my place… Which is…unbelievable…! My sister…! My… Well not really my sister… But technically my sister… Can you believe it?" _

_Christina was trying really heard not to listen at Meredith's rambling… she was just working in front of the computer… preparing herself for the heart surgery she was about to assist later that day… she was trying not to care… not to feel… She was trying to go back to be the old Cristina… the Christina she was before Burke… How complicated can it be? It's easy… Nothing happened… Just a bump in the road… Kind of like her be kind rewind philosophy… only this time she has to apply it to herself… She's free…! She's free…! She kept telling herself that all the time, ever since he left. That's a god thing right? Being free is a good thing… Damn it! How do you do that…? How do you go back? How do you pretend nothing happened… when the man you love just walked away from you… on your wedding day… and then he said it's because he loves you… Bull shit! And then disappears completely… and then you miss him like hell… even though all you want is hate him… and then Meredith had been ranting on and on for days about Derek… She broke up with him for Christ sake! Technically the man can date whom ever he wants… What's with the man and his obsession to have a Grey woman beside him…? Even if she's the wrong one… It's seems that for him one Gray is as good as the other…_

"_And that's not all" Meredith continued her ranting, she seemed pale, and skinnier than usual… she seemed kind of broken… like trying to drop a big weight… actually a huge weight for her tiny self to carry… but she doesn't really know how to do that… "Something came up… Something big and scary… Scary big…! Big! And messy…! Unexpected… Yeah definitely big… And… Crap! I… I… I don't know…"_

_Christina had have enough… So she interrupted her friend as she stands up to walk away…_

"_Oh you know what? Whatever…! Not everything is about you Meredith…! Burke stood me up at my wedding in front of the whole hospital and my family… and my friends… and you don't see me moping around the floors, do you? You broke up with the man… You let him go… That was your choice… He begged you not to leave him… He slept in his jeep outside your house for days trying to get you back… And still… You didn't wanted to have anything to do with him anymore… Deal with it… Grow up for once… Take responsibility for your actions…!" Christina snapped at her as she turns around and leave a confused and mortified Meredith behind her… How is one supposed to go back to her old self… with a winning Meredith following her around all the time…?_

Dr. Bailey and Dr. Stevens are waiting on the roof for the helicopter, as the strong wind provoked by the helicopter coming closer to the floor, messes with their hair and clothes, they even have to cover their faces, to prevent the dust from getting inside their eyes as it lands. As soon as the helicopter touches the ground the doors open and Derek came out pushing the gurney that carries the sleeping Meredith on it. Miranda helped Derek to push the gurney away from de helicopter.

"_Her room in the ICU is ready… Everything is all set for her…"_ Miranda said to him, as they pushed the gurney inside de hospital.

At the sight of her friend looking so lifeless… Izzie Stevens just froze up… she just stood there… She was supposed to help Dr. Bailey… She was supposed to act like a doctor… but she just couldn't move… It's as if her feet were stuck in the ground… So she just silently watched as Dr. Bailey and Dr. Shepard pushed the gurney with Meredith in it… What happened to her…? Right now, her friend… doesn't seemed to be her friend anymore… She doesn't seemed to live inside of that tiny body anymore… She doesn't even looked like Meredith… she looked more like the remains of Meredith… like an empty shell… Except it's not empty, because the only living occupant is that tiny baby growing inside her… Izzie didn't thought it would be this hard seeing her like this… and she didn't realize when exactly she started to sob really hard, for her dear friend… right there in the middle of the roof… with a beautiful sight of Seattle in front of her… and a strong wind messing her hair…

Everybody seemed to be hanging around her room in the ICU; everybody seemed to found an excuse just to pass by… Alex… and George… and Callie… even Mark… all of them were taking every opportunity they have in the middle of their responsibilities just to check on her… just in case they were needed… as if they were expecting for something to happen… a miracle maybe… It's like if they needed to see her with their own eyes, to convince themselves… That it is true… She's not there anymore…

Derek had been his office sitting in his chair silently, he's been checking through some papers… hospital stuff… Can anybody tell him, when exactly did his job stopped being exciting to actually become in just… that…? Hospital stuff… all he just wanted… is to get over it and go back to Meredith's ICU room… Miranda had been watching him for some time just checking on him… The man seemed devastated, and had been acting on autopilot… So she's been looking desperately for something to say… something to make him feel better… something that could give him some hope… But she doesn't seem to be very successful in her search for a good and hopeful speech… There are no words… there is nothing to say… she could pull out the facts card, and tell him that statistically a high percentage of patients in Meredith's case… came back from a coma… but the man is a brain surgeon and a very good one… kind of like the best, actually… and he knew all that already, he knows the facts and the numbers… so she just stood there for a moment... while she rested her hand on his back and squeezed his shoulder… He looked at her… and everything that needed to be said between them had already been said with that look… A look of sympathy and support… and friendship… Yeah… specially friendship…

Christina had been so successful at filling her time through the day that she almost forgot Meredith's presence in the ICU floor, except that for some reason she found herself walking through the hall on the ICU floor to check up on a patient… so when she looked up distractedly there she was… She could saw her right through the window… a tiny body in the middle of the bed with so many life support machines and monitors hooked up to her… There she was… her person… as she always called her, lying on a bed right in front of her… She wanted to pretend she didn't saw her… and just keep going on her way, but she couldn't because at this point… trying to keep ignoring the fact that her best friend is lying on a ICU bed on a deep coma with a pregnant belly while she's standing right in front of her, has turned into an impossible task… So she just stood there, looking at her through the window… not having the strength to walk away… but couldn't get inside the room either… The sight of her is just… Heartbreaking…!

He finally solved some hospital paperwork… and budgets… and problems… Problems… they never seem to go away… anyway… He was walking hurriedly to the ICU floor… to go back to his Meredith… when he saw Christina standing outside Meredith's room…

"_Coming in" _he said taking her out from the trance she got in at the sight of Meredith…

She didn't really had any intentions to stick around… the sight is too harsh for her… Actually Derek's interruption gave her the strength to finally move her legs from the floor and leave the scene…

"_Have to check on a patient…" she_ said to him as she turned around to walk away…

"_Did you knew?"_ he asked her, stopping her from leaving.

Christina turned to him looking confused.

"_About the baby… Did she mention anything to you?"_

"_No…" _she said to him and paused for a second swallowing hard, trying to contain her emotions. Of all people, she should know about it, but she didn't she was to busy… trying to keep herself busy… She didn't know and she should have… "_I was… I had my own worries... I… I didn't notice her… I forgot about her… " _ She admitted, dropping a huge weight as she released the phrase… achieving with it a little relief… but not as much as she really needed… She didn't realized exactly how, but she felt some tears running through her cheeks. Derek looks at her sympathetically…

"_Any idea of what was she doing in Houston?"_

"_No"_

They both stood there for a second, not really knowing what else to say or do… they both were trying to stay strong in their own way… but they both were really devastated…

"_You should go in… talk to her… she would like it… Or you could just… hold her hand and be there for her" _he said.

Christina nods her head not really sure if she can get in there. This is not happening…! It can't be happening…! Derek walks towards Meredith's room inviting Christina to follow him with a movement of his head. She hesitates for a second, but she finally finds the necessary strength to walk through that door… Maybe it is because she's not doing it alone… Derek's in there too… Who would thought that of all people she would find some comfort… or sympathy… or empathy… or whatever it is they're both sharing right now…. In Derek… She doesn't even really like the guy… But right now it doesn't really matter… Right now they are just being together… being there… and strangely as it is, each other's presence seems to give them some sort of comfort… Maybe it is because they both have lost their hearts… their loved ones… She lost Burke… and he lost Meredith… and neither of them knew when exactly they were going to get their broken hearts back…

Derek went to sit right by her side as he'd been doing every single day for the past few days… Christina walked slowly towards her and stands on her bedside… while she looked at Meredith's pregnant belly… she's been struggling with the need to hold her friend's hand… but she just can't find the strength to lift her own hand and touch her friend...

"_So… What are you going to do…?" _she pauses for a second and she finally finds the courage and takes Meredith's hand within her own. _ "About the baby?"_

Derek's heart flips around… he'd been trying not to think about it ever since he found her. _"I don't know"_ Oh god this is so hard!

"_She's going to need a C section soon"_

"_I know"_

Both of them just stayed there in silence… and even though they never were really friends… they share their love for the woman in front of them… and they share the pain of loosing her all over again…

Unexpectedly the heart monitor starts beeping… and her heart stops…

"_Code Blue… Code Blue" _Christina reacted immediately… she really didn't thought about it, when she realized she was already pushing the alarm to call the code team, as Derek was massaging Meredith's heart desperately… Oh God, please don't do this…! Please!

**A/N Ok… here is another one… hope you like it… Actually it's my favorite… I have to thank you… for your amazing reviews… I've expected more criticism and less ego feeding… Which actually amazes me… And fills me with joy… I apologize for all my grammatical mistakes… and I really… really appreciate that you took the time to review and correct me, which is exactly what I'm looking for… For those who'd been concerned about my knee… I'm doing better but I'm still in bed rest… Please keep reviewing, and feeding my ego… and correcting me… and criticizing me… Makes me grow… and learn… and perfect myself… Thank you so much…!**


	5. I Need You Part I

**A/N So here is a new update… But it's kind of long… so I had to split it in two… Oh… The part in Italics is a very long flash back… **

**I need you. Part I**

"So what do you say if I take you for some dinner tonight… and then…" He whispered to her while holding her tightly and nibbling her ear… She could feel his warm breath right trough her neck… sending shocks of electricity through her spine, speeding her heart and shooting a rush of adrenaline all over her body…

"Then what" She answered almost in a stoned kind of way… except she didn't take anything… And technically she's still at work….

"Well… You know…" He said to her suggestively… holding a playful and seductive smile… while looking at her intensely… "I'm going to kiss you… I'm going to kiss you with tongue"

It doesn't matter how much she was trying to resist him… and how by giving in, she would be breaking her promise… The promise she made to herself… The one that involved her having more self control, regarding man candy right in front of her… holding her tightly… and looking at her like that, with that look, the one that makes her knees feel so weak… and her mind so dizzy… while he's kissing her passionately… as she kisses him back…! Screw the promise! It's a stupid promise anyway… And she knows better than anyone… that she wasn't going to be able to keep it… Besides she held herself long enough ever since she got here and she wasn't going to do it anymore… What was that thing Miranda told her once, about no man defining who she was, or something like that…? Well actually, right now it doesn't really matters because she's in heaven…!

Addison Montgomery was determined to start a new life… Seven months ago she moved to LA to start over, she wanted to leave the past behind and reclaim herself… she was determined to find out who she was… She wanted to live her life in a way she never had, she wanted to do all the things she always was too afraid or too busy to do… especially busy… She wanted to be happy… And she had to admit that kissing Pete was getting her really close to that feeling… No... there was definitely no more holding back… She was going to give herself a chance… The chance Pete's been asking her for months… So there she was… melting herself in his strong embrace…

The insistent sound of her cell phone broke the moment…. Addison was trying to pick up the phone while Pete was refusing to let go of her and kept kissing her neck…

"Leave it…" He said to her, completely lost in the moment.

Addison kept struggling between his firm embrace, till she finally was able to get the phone to check who was calling…

With a quick movement… Pete took the phone from her hands and held it playfully raising his arm above his head… while she was trying to get it back…

"Give me the phone Pete… I have to answer that"

"You're gonna have to fight me for it… and I warn you… I don't give up easily…" He said with an irresistible grin…

"Give it to me!" She said to him…

"What could be more important than the kissing? Love the kissing… this incredible… and amazing kissing… You're a great kisser by the way… God knows I've waited long enough," He said seductively to her while taking her with his free arm and pulling her closer to him… He was about to kiss her again…

"It's my ex-husband… I have to answer that… so give me the phone…"

Great! He thought… That comment alone was enough to ruin the moment… their moment… this incredible moment they were sharing together…

"Yeah… Notice the ex part" He said with a frown.

"I'm serious Pete… give me that phone…! She said to him… with a more serious tone…

"Fine" He said to her with an upset tone as he finally gave up and released the cell phone he'd been holding hostage to her… while walking towards the back of the room… Trying to give her privacy… But it's not like you have too much room to get away inside Addison's office in The Wellness Center… because as much as he wanted to be respectful… He could still hear Addison's conversation…

"Derek?" She said to the receiver of her cell phone…

"Addie… I NEED YOU…!" She heard him said with a broken and desperate voice…

"Derek? Are you ok?"

"I… I… I just" He sounded so hopeless and confused that he couldn't even explain himself…

"What happened…?" She said with a very concerned tone.

"It's Meredith… she…" His voice sounded weak and scared, Addison could barely hear him… Derek couldn't contain himself anymore and started to sob inconsolably… "She needs you… we need you Addie…!"

"Tell me what happened Derek…" Addison insisted more urgently…

_He'd been pacing nervously from one extreme to the other for what it seems like ages… maybe not… but that's how it felt… ages… Right in the middle of the waiting room of Seattle Grace hospital… expecting some news… some information… preferably good news… _

_Christina and the others… had been sitting there with him… Alex and Mark are there… George and Izzie are in there too, even if they don't speak to each other and sat far… far away from one another, at least they are sharing the same air while sitting in the same room… and they are doing it for her… and for Derek too… Now it's not the time to be mad at each other… Right now it's not about them and their terrible mistakes… _

_All of them had been doing everything in their power to support Derek and Meredith… Even if there isn't really much they can do… Especially now… All they can do right now, it's just sit there while they've been watching Derek crumble to pieces, and hold himself together way too many times in the last past hour… In a strange combination of weakness and strength… He wants to give up and just let himself fall down and break, but he can't because his Meredith needs him… SHE NEEDS HIM!_

_All he can think about is the blur of the past hour and how she pretty much almost died on him… again… and how the code team pushed him away to take over the resuscitation maneuvers… He watched in slow motion nurses and doctors running around… putting some medicines in her IV line… while Christina shock her heart, one time…! And nothing… just the sound of the flat line… That horrible sound… The sound of death… Two times…! More charge this time…! And still a flat line… Finally… after two more shocks, they got a beep… Derek didn't really realized that while the whole thing was happening he literally stopped breathing… and after what it seemed like forever… at the sound of that beep, he finally took a deep breath… Next thing… they were taking her away… to get a CT… and now he was just pacing anxiously in the middle of the waiting room… expecting some news…_

_Even though he knew she was in good hands… he couldn't help worrying… Dr. Ryan, the new head of Neuro… who took the job right after Derek got the chief position, was right now on Meredith's case… Derek knew… he was an excellent neurologist… more than excellent, he would say… Derek himself chased him down… and convinced him to leave New York… and take the position, the one that once was his… He was brilliant… but he wasn't Derek… And when it comes to Neuro Derek is the best… Derek is irreplaceable… And even if he technically is the boss… and he can do whatever he wants… Miranda didn't let him be in Meredith's case… and really… nothing scares him more than Miranda when she's being all Nazi… So he had no choice but to stop being chief… and stop being a doctor… to become the patient's family… who nobody talks to… and who is worrying sick while those inconsiderate doctors are doing God knows what… _

_He needed information… he needed it now… he was panicking… What if it was he's fault? Maybe he should never put her on a plane… What if the pressure of the plane messed something up inside her brain…? When he made the decision to move her to Seattle he made himself sure that she was stable enough to be moved… He put her on the helicopter that took her to the plane that took her to Seattle… and then another helicopter took her to Seattle Grace… He took every precaution… But what if he made a mistake…? What if he overlooked something? What if he did this to her…?_

_Dr. Ryan walked across the waiting room followed by Dr Bailey… when Derek spotted him he flew right beside him… as the others stood up from their chairs… To hear what Dr Ryan had to say…_

"_Dr. Ryan… How is she…? Is she ok…?" Derek blurted out…_

"_The CT shows a __clot of blood, pushing on her brain stem… That's what caused her heart to stop. She's stable now, but we need to clear the blockage if she's going to live through the night… It's a difficult spot… and the swelling she already has on her brain from her previous head trauma… makes it even more difficult… We might have to leave the scull flap open… to help relieve the pressure… They're prepping the OR as we speak. But you know the risks… She might not make it… I've instructed obstetrics and neonatal to be on stand by… Just in case…" _

_Derek nods trying to contain the pouring storm of tears attempting to fall down his cheeks… He needed to be strong… For her… He needed to do something… _

"_You have to…" Dr. Ryan said to him while taking the forms from Miranda's hand. "We need you to sign this" _

_Derek took the papers and shrunk himself on a waiting room chair… and signed the forms with a heart braking expression on his face… Dr. Ryan gave Derek an empathetic look and walked away while Miranda took the papers back… and started leaving right behind Dr Ryan…_

"_Miranda" Derek stopped her way…_

_Miranda turned around knowing exactly what he wanted, so before he could said anything else… _

"_Don't worry Derek… I'll be right beside her… I got her back"_

"_Thank you"_

_Miranda nods in acceptance and walks away hurriedly down the hall… leaving Derek standing right in the middle of the room… All of a sudden, his heart started to race off of his chest… his eyes started to darken rapidly… and pretty soon there wasn't any trace of blue… only the black… an intense and deep black… his blood pressure increased as he filled himself with desperation and anger… Christina noticed the change in his expression and got to stand right beside him…_

"_Derek!" Christina said to him…_

"_She…" his voice choking down his throat… "She might not make it…!" _

"_That's not final… It's not a fact… a lot could happen… Meredith's a very strong person… She's gonna pull through this… Miracles are…" _

"_I'm not a visitor here… I know the facts… And you know the facts also Dr. Stevens…" He interrupted Izzie before she could finish… She was trying to say something more but he didn't give her any chance to do so, and before she could say anything else he ran away with a furious expression…_

"_Derek…"Christina tried to stop him…. But he didn't listened to her… "Derek" She insisted… "Where are you going…?" He didn't answer… he just rush out the room… she turn to look at the others with a confused and worried expression…_

"_Don't worry about it… I'm sure he will be fine…" Mark said to her not very convinced… _

_It's been a pouring dark night in Seattle…The thunderstorm lightens the dark sky from time to time… as a deafening and startling sound follows…_

_Derek's been driving in the middle of the night like a mad man across the Seattle streets for a while… The rain is so thick that he can barely see through the glass… You can see fire trough his eyes… he finally arrives at his destination and he parked the car right in front of a house he hadn't visited in a while… It's been too long actually… He came down the car not even caring about the heavy rain getting him soaked almost immediately… he walked rapidly to the door with a frown in his forehead… he rang the bell insistently… he didn't had the patience to wait for the door to be answered… So he almost glued himself to the doorbell… Never in his life he felt this rage… Right now if by a chance of fate, he happened to have a gun in his hand… he felt perfectly capable to take it and use it… _

_Lexie Grey answered the door looking at him in shock… he's soaking wet… holding a crazy glare…_

"_Dr Shepard…! Is there anything you need…?" The look in his eyes made her feel scared… She wasn't sure what was this about… " I… I… I'm still taking some days off… Remember… you suggested it yourself "_

_He got inside the house making her aside his way in a very impolite way… Making Lexie feel even more scared… She'd never seem him like that before… not that she knew him all that well… But he seemed… Well he seemed kind of possessed…_

"_Dr. Shepard? What are you doing?" She said trying to stop him while Derek walked confidently across the house looking for something, with a furious expression…_

"_Where is he?"_

_She looked at him scared and confused… _

"_Where is HE?" He said again as he desperately searched the house…_

_After less than a minute of looking… He finally found him… there he was in the TV room drifting in and out of sleep while sitting in a couch in front of the TV holding a beer that is almost falling to the ground… Derek walked towards him stepping trough some empty beer cans spread through the floor… _

_Feeling an intense heat inside his body… as he sees him sleeping while snoring loudly like a truck… Derek took the content of the beer he had been holding in his hand and spilled it harshly through Thatcher's Grey face… to wake him up… He should've done this a long time ago… He should've done this… the day he slapped his Meredith right across her face…_

"_Wake up you bastard" He said as Thatcher opened his eyes groggily…_

**A/N There you have it… hope you enjoyed it… Thanks a lot for your amazing reviews… They mean the world to me… I will update tomorrow Part II.**


	6. I Need You Part II

**I need you. Part II.**

"_Wake up you bastard" He said as Thatcher opened his eyes groggily…_

_Derek took him by the shirt violently and stood him up right in front of him… Thatcher seemed well… Drunk… It's hard to know if he actually realizes what's happening… "Come one you coward… stand up for yourself for once in your life… I want you to stand up and look at me in the eyes while I beat the crap out of you… You pathetic excuse of a man" Derek yelled at him… as his eyes started to flood with tears… and his broken voice is filled with rage… and determination…_

_Lexie gets in the room as fast as she can and desperately; she tries to stop Derek from beating up her father… "Dr. Shepard? What are you doing…? Please don't…" She positions herself right between the two of them and tries with all of her strength to hold Derek… As Thatcher looks at him in shock with glassy eyes… Lexie was right… It seems like he died with Susan… It's really hard to tell what's he thinking, or feeling… He seemed empty… he's a walking dead man…_

"_You piece of shit… How could you…? How could you do this to her…? She didn't wanted to have anything to do with you… But I insisted she should let you in… Told her she deserved a family… I should've never pushed her… She knew better… You never had the balls to stand up for her… You couldn't even made an effort to contact her… because you were too scared of Ellis… No wonder why she cheated on you… You had to wait till your wife made the move for you and contact her… because you were too much of a coward to do it yourself… And as the coward you are… Instead of grief as a man… for the death or your wife… You put the responsibility on her…? When you knew it wasn't her fault… How dare you…? How dare you to do this to your own daughter…?" _

_Derek manages to put Lexie on a side and he pushes him with all his strength, causing the drunk and unstable Thatcher to loose his balance and fall down to the ground hitting his face in a harsh manner… and almost immediately a flood of blood started running down his nostrils… He covered his nose with one hand as he clumsily... and with too much effort… tries to stand up but too much alcohol is running through his veins so he stumbles right down to de ground… he had no choice but to seat straight on the floor… as he stares at Derek in a shock…_

"_Dr Shepard…! Stop…! Please…! Please don't do this…!" Lexie said to him desperately with tears in her eyes… as she puts herself in front of Derek holding him by the arms and stopping him with her body from going once again after Thatcher…_

"_You see… even your own daughter has to stand up to defend you... You broke her… She might not make it… And that's on you… That's on you…" Derek said pointing fiercefully at Thatcher with his finger…_

"_Derek…! Please…! Please…! I am begging you…! Stop this, please…! He's not doing well…! Please don't do this!" She said to him in a more personal way as she manages to pull him away from Thatcher… Some how some sort of coherency came back to him as he stands in a shock in front of a bleeding Thatcher… _

_Lexie ran towards her father with a concerned expression and tears running down her cheeks… "Daddy are you ok?" She helped him stand up and she took him back to his couch… while she wiped the blood from his nose with a towel that was laying there… _

"_He… He…" Derek said collapsing down to the floor… as he had a break down and started sobbing heart brokenly… "He took her from me… He proved her right in that idea of hers that whenever she starts being happy… something terrible has to happen… That's why she didn't aloud herself to be happy… That's why she didn't believe in our love… That's why she didn't believed in me… That's why she left… She was starting to believe… She was about to open herself… and he ruined that… he broke her heart… And now she might be dying and I just…"_

_Lexie wiped the tears running down her cheeks as she walked towards him… She gave Derek a sympathetic look while she holds him in her arms, as she would be doing to a little child… At the feeling of her touch, Derek started sobbing even harder… as if somebody had just open the lock of a floodgate and the stream came with an unstoppable force… "It's ok… It's ok" She said to him softly... "It's going to be ok"_

_The sound of his cell phone took them out of the moment… and he rapidly answered… He knew they were Meredith's news…_

"_Shepard…" he answered wiping his tears… by his expression… whatever it was… didn't sounded good… "I'm on my way…" He said in a hurry… _

_As he got inside the parking lot, he saw Christina already waiting for him at the entrance of the hospital… He parked his Jeep on a near by spot… and he ran across the parking lot… trying to cover himself from the rain… He reached Christina soaking wet… for the second time that night… _

"_Dr. Ryan is waiting for you upstairs…"She said to him…_

_Christina notices the red blood stains in his shirt… and she looks at him inquisitively… _

"_You don't want to know" he said to her..._

"_Oh… I think I do" she said to him as they walked rapidly toward the elevator, to catch it before the doors got closed on them…_

_They've reached the Neuro floor in speed time… Dr. Ryan was already expecting them…_

"_Dr Shepard" Dr. Ryan said to him…_

"_How is she?" Derek said with an urgent tone…_

"_She made it through the surgery… as I suspected, we had to leave her scull flap open to help her relieve the pressure… Her condition is very delicate… and…" Dr. Ryan said with a heavy sight not really knowing how to deliver this to Derek…_

"_And what…? What…? What is it…?" Derek said impatiently almost freaking out…_

"_She's showing signs of preeclampsia… we're gonna have to deliver that baby soon…" Dr. Ryan pauses as he clears his throat… "The thing is… that her body has already gone through too much stress with this surgery… we're still gonna have to wait 48 hours in order to say we are clear… That's if the brain responds good enough for me to close her scull… So I'm not sure…" He pauses again… to clear his throat… Even though he'd delivered bad news thousands of times to thousands of people… something about to deliver them to a friend… a friend who happens to be his boss… turns to be a hell of a challenge… "I don't know if her body can take the C section… and I'm not sure if she can not take it… because we can't risk to get her blood pressure going through the roof… So this is a very difficult decision… and I'm afraid it is a decision for you to take… " He said wishing there could be something more he could do… But there wasn't… _

_Derek felt as if he was standing on a rug and somebody came up and pull it strongly right beneath his feet… he couldn't believe his luck…There was a time when he used to believe that there could be nothing worse than Meredith drowning on him… But life prove him wrong… And just when he was convincing himself that this was it… that nothing could be worse than Meredith being in a coma… I mean seriously…! Didn't she had enough? But no… Once again he was wrong… Because the truth is that there are a lot of things worsen that the drowning and the coma… So once again life is shutting him up and slapping him on the face… just to prove him wrong… and to make sure he didn't take too serious the arrogant God complex thing… Just for the sake of balance and to bring him back to humbleness… something like this happens… He can't do this…! He can't make that choice…! He needs help…! Could anybody please help him…?_

"Please Addie… we really need you… I wouldn't trust her to anyone but you" He said to her through tears… with a broken sounding voice…

"Don't worry about it Derek I'm on my way… I'll take the first flight to Seattle I promise… It's gonna be alright… Ok?" She said to him reassuringly…

"Ok" Derek flipped off the phone and put it on the side of his belt while he walked to Meredith's bedside as he held her hand as he'd been doing every single day since she came back to his life…

"It's ok baby… Don't be scared… I'm right here… and Addie is on her way… once she gets here everything is going to be all right… I promise you my love…"

It's funny how when they were together they couldn't seem to use sweet talk to one another… words like sweaty… or baby… or love… seemed to be out of their vocabulary… Except when they were having sex… But now… Using sweet and loving words is the only way he can talk to her… He regrets the fact that he couldn't express verbally how much he loved her… at least not that often… And now… now every single word that comes out of his mouth is a sweet and loving one…, which is really ironic because he's not even sure if she can hear him…

-----

"So let me get this straight" Pete said to her while carrying her bags as they walked across the LA airport… "You're gonna fly across the country to have a surgery on your ex-husband's pregnant girlfriend… The one he cheated on you with… While you could be with me instead… doing… I don't know… Something else…" He said to her with a playful expression….

"Actually I cheated first… And please… try to understand… This is actually a very serious situation" She said to him walking rapidly…. She didn't wanted to miss her plane…

"Ok" He said to her not feeling all that happy about her having to leave… Just when they were getting somewhere… He couldn't hide the disappointment in his expression…

"I'll be back in a heartbeat" She said to him trying to reassure him…

"Ok… All I'm saying is that maybe you should try to write a book or something… The story of your life is kind of twisted…" He said jokingly…

"Not funny" She said smiling at him… finding in his expression a corresponding smile…

They kept walking across the airport to get Addie's luggage documented…

After a very bumpy flight she finally set a foot on Seattle… George and Callie offered to pick her up at the airport… It was actually good for both friends to see each other again after seven months of not seeing one another even though they kept contact by phone and email… They still had a lot to catch on…

They immediately took her to the hospital… and Addison rushed herself over to the ICU floor… so she could get into Meredith's room… When she arrived, she found Derek standing right beside her running his thumb softly through the back of her hand…

"Derek" She said to him… making him turn towards her… earning herself a sad and weak smile from him…

"Addie…! I'm so glad you're here…!" She walked towards him and held him tightly… as he rested his head in her shoulder… crying softly…

"Don't worry Derek everything is going to be fine… I've already studied her file the one you faxed me… And we are going to do this as quickly as possible… I'm taking every precaution… I wouldn't risk her or the baby… Ok?" Derek nods wiping out his tears with his fingers…

"Everything is ready for you… The OR is already been prepped… we were just waiting for you to arrive" He said to her… as she's checking the baby's heart monitor…

"Ok then… Lets go" She said to him…

They both walked across the hall… following the intern and the nurse pushing Meredith's gurney towards the OR… waiting down the hall… he spotted Christina, and Izzie, and Alex, and Callie, and George, and Mark… and right at the end of the line a little far from the others there was Lexie… She approached him feeling a little insecure…

"I hope you don't mind if I hang around just to check on her… I'm her family you know"

"I know" He said to her sadly…

They continued their way to the OR while everybody watched them cross the red line and get into the elevator that was about to take them to the OR floor…

Dr. Bailey and Dr. Ryan were already expecting them in the OR… As soon as Dr. Ryan spotted them… he walked towards them…

"Dr. Montgomery… I'm Dr. Ryan head of Neuro… Dr. Bailey and I will be joining you just as a precaution… We'll be standing in the back of the OR you'll barely notice us"

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Dr Ryan… heard a lot about you…" Dr. Ryan nods to her in acknowledgment… "Good to see you Dr. Bailey" Addison said…

"It's good to see you too" Miranda replied…

"Ok people… we are gonna do this quick" She said to her staff while placing herself in front of the OR table… ready to make the cut…

"Ten blade" She asked to the nurse, who handed the instrument to her immediately…

Derek placed himself sitting right in front Meredith's head not really looking at Addison's work… He was just there as Meredith's family… he was there as the father of the baby…

He spoke to her through the whole surgery… He told her softly almost in a whisper… How much he loved her… And how everything was going to be fine… And how she was not alone… all of her friends were waiting outside… He asked her to be strong… as she'd always been… he talked about so many things… that he didn't realize exactly how the time flew on him… Next thing he knew… The loud crying of a baby… made him look up…

"It's a girl… You have a cute little girl here Derek" Addison said to him while she raise both arms in front of her, holding the crying baby for Derek to see… Even though she had to admit that holding that baby made her feel a little nostalgic… of all the things that she was never going to have…

"She's beautiful Derek… Just like her mother" Miranda said…

"Thank you Addie… for being here for me" He said to her gratefully…

**A/N There you have it part II… OMG I feel relief… about the Thatcher thing… I know that some of you were concerned about it… I tried to be extremely careful to not turn Derek into a jerk… But I really think that somebody had to set the record straight to that man… and tell him some truths… Maybe he needs a beating… (which it actually didn't happen, but I kind of felt tempted) to wake up… and pick up his balls… and start acting like a man, and a father… And if you really think about it, what Derek is doing by going to yell at Thatcher is the exact same thing that Thatcher did to Meredith when Susan died… Pain can be overwhelming… It's the way I found to try not to turn Thatcher into Satan and give him a chance to come around… And in the other hand YES… the baby is here… IT'S A GIRL! Man I really wanted to deliver that baby ever science chapter one… so finally I got to do it… So I feel so much relief… I really hope you like the way things unfold in this chapter… Once again thanks so much for your wonderful reviews… I promise I'll update soon… I'm having so much fun writing this fic… I really hope I'm not the only one…**


	7. Can't Do This Without You

**Can't Do This Without You.**

"_Please..! Please..! Open de door…! I need to talk to you…! Please let me in…! He screamed at loud desperately… while banging loudly at the door… _

_It was a dark, pouring and sleepless night, in Seattle… The only glimpse of light was the lightning above the sky appearing every now and then, in the middle of a cluster of gray thick clouds that were visible whenever the lightning appeared… followed every time, with a fiercefully loud and shivery noise… _

_The pouring rain fell down on him… thick drops of rain had got him soaking wet… He seemed damp… and shivery and frantic… Like and abandoned kitten in the middle of a storm, looking desperately for shelter… Ironically the one time that he felt like the sky was falling on him… it was actually really and literally falling on him… That was convenient… he managed to coordinate, his emotions and state of mind with the weather… Maybe God was crying with him… or for him… or maybe he was just having fun with him… whatever it was… he felt just like that, like the crying falling sky… _

_The watery hum was deafening enough to kill every other sound around him including his own voice… his own thoughts… So he banged at the door even louder… She had to hear him… She had to open that door…_

"_Meredith…! Please…! Open the door…! I will not go, until you open that door… Do you hear me…? I'll stay here… I don't care how long it takes for you to open the door… And I don't care if I wake up the whole neighborhood… You need to listen to me…! I need to say this to you…!" He kept screaming while his broken voice was filled with pain and despair… "Please…! Please..! Open the door…!"_

_The glow of a flashlight… visible through the glass of the door… was getting closer… and closer… He could see Meredith's tiny hand holding it… and with that simple act… holding that flashlight… guiding that little glimpse of light… in the middle of such a wrapping darkness… she was also giving him back the tiny piece of hope that he was already starting to loose… She approached at the door… and gave him through the glass a surrendered look… she took the handle and opened the door to him… she looked at him for a moment and with a movement of her head… she instructed him to come inside, as she opened the door wider to let him in… _

_He stood there in the hall… suddenly finding himself speechless… so he ran a hand through his damped black curly hair as he put the other one inside the pocket of his jeans… looking at the floor… praying for some words of wisdom… He had this careless appearance… with a three days growth of beard… looking distraught… with red puffy eyes… dripping rainwater to the rug lying at the entrance hall … _

"_Derek" She was the one that spoke first… "What are you doing..? This is useless… There is no point…" _

"_There is a point… You just don't want to see it… You keep looking for excuses… You keep finding inexistent reasons for your life to fail… for you to be unhappy… And let me tell you… you're getting extremely successful at it…!" _

"_They are not inexistent…" she said to him in protest. "The FACT that my life is a mess… and a failure… an emotional one… failure I mean… is a FACT… or whatever… good things don't happen to people like us… and if they do we will immediately find a way to make them not good… we can't help it… It's like a bad unhappy gene or something… And that is if bad karma doesn't beat us to it… and punish us for whatever our sins might be… which right now I'm beginning to think… they must be big… really… really… big… murdering type kind of big… Even if they happened in another life and we can't remember them, we are still paying our debts… Because… " _

"_Meredith…!" Derek interrupted her rambling… "What are you talking about…? And who's us…? He said in confusion._

"_Cristina and I… She was getting married… I was suppose to made sure she walked down that aisle… even If I had to kicked her ass all the way down to it… I took every precaution… to make sure she had her happily ever after… I did everything… everything… and still…" _

"_Meredith…!" He interrupted her again as she was staring to sound heart broken and disappointed… as if with that statement… what she was really… really trying to say was that she lost something… something irreplaceable… she lost her faith… she lost the faith in herself… and along with it, she also lost her ability to believe she could be a different person… a better person… "You are not Christina Yang… and I'm certainly not Preston Burke… We are different people… you can't compare us with them… whatever happened to them… whatever problems they had… it has nothing to do with us… you can't make their failure about us… We are NOT Christina and Burke…! WE are Meredith and Derek…! And we love each other… You're the love of my life… you're my friend… my soul mate… You're my everything…! And I know you love me too…! You love me…! And we can make this work… We can… We can fix this…! We can start over… and leave the past behind… We can be happy together…! We are happy together…! We are made for each other…! Why can't you just accept it…? Why can't you just let me love you…?"_

"_Because I can't… I just can't… And I do love you… I love you… and I love you in a way that goes beyond pretending to like your taste in music… or holding a radio outside your window… I love you much more than that… I would do anything for you… I love you enough to set you free… I love you enough to spare you from me…"_

"_No…! No…!" He said frantically "You can't say that… I do not accept that..! No…!" _

"_Derek…! Can't you see…? Don't you know what a miracle it is that you are the person that you are…? You're such a beautiful human being… you still belief in love and soul mates… and in the happily ever after… You do belief you're my knight in his shining whatever… And I changed that… I changed you… I gave you a terrible grief… I made you went through the scariest day of your life… I made you question yourself… and your ability as a doctor… Damn it Derek…! I may even made you lost your shot to be Chief… And I don't want you to change anymore… I want you to still be the you that you are… the you that I love so much… I want you to keep being McDreamy… Even if it you're not MY McDreamy anymore… I want you to have everything you dreamed of… I'm not good for you… I'm damaged goods… I… I gave up… I let myself go… and I… I almost dragged you down with me… And when I came back I wanted to change… I tried… I swear I did… I really… really wanted to be that person… I wanted to be better… I wanted to be the happily ever after person… I wanted to belief… But I can't… Something is broken inside of me beyond repair… and no matter what I do… I just can't belief in it… I… It won't happen… not to me anyways… And if you stay with me… If you stay with me… I'm gonna drag you down to the bottom of the swamp this time… I'm gonna drain you out… You said so yourself… You can't keep breathing for me… you can't keep breathing for both of us…"_

"_I didn't meant it… I was being stupid… I was confused… Please…! Don't do this to yourself…! Don't do this to us…! Please…!" He said to her desperately as he held her strongly… as if the salvation of the entire universe depended on it… He didn't wanted to let go… Not now… Not ever._

"_You have to go now Derek…" She said to him trying to free herself from his tight embrace. "Don't make this harder than it already is… I know you can't see it right now… but you'll thank me in time… You go now… Go… I'm setting you free…"_

"_No…!" He said to her __sobbing distraughtly__ as he held to her more strongly…__ burring his head in her neck.__ "It is you…! You are the one…! You are the only one..! All I've got is you… Only you… only love… and you… even when it seems I can only have you in fear and tears… even when the thought of you never ends… and I lack of you all the time… even when you pain me every day… and I'm so lost… I don't know how to reach that thing that you carry hidden inside… How do I do that? How do I bring you back from the dark confinement you'd invented for yourself? How do I make you mine? Because I'm sure as hell I'm yours… How do I make you understand you belong with me?" He said to her wishing, as if he were a kid… wishing he could be someone else… someone better… someone greater… maybe he could transform himself into a magician… so he could put up a powerful spell on her and enchant her… Or maybe… maybe he could be like John Lennon so he could write to her hundreds of love songs to reach her soul… He wished he could be her knight in a shining armor carrying a sword… so he could fight hundreds of battles, and kill the dragon keeping her hostage… and climb the walls around her hidden and beaten heart… and saved her… He wished… He wished to be some one else… someone who could find a word… or a poem… or a spell… or a sword… or a melody to call her… just one… the right one… the one to open her up… like the one key of a million keys that opens the lock to her soul…but he wasn't any of those men… and couldn't do any of those things…_

"_Let me go…! You have to let me go now Derek…" She said to him trying to be cold, trying to push him away… only making him holding to her harder._

"_I can't… I can't let go… How am I suppose to live without you…? I can't even imagine how my life would be… I can't do this with out you…" He said to her crying like a child, making it very difficult for her, to keep her cool…_

"I can't… I can't do this… I just can't…" He said as exhausted and worn out… and empty… and dry… and deserted… as he is right now, while holding her hand tightly… Not wanting to let go… Not now… Not ever… he made that mistake once… And he wasn't going to make it again…

"Derek… listen to me… You have to name her…! She needs a name…!" Addison said to him authoritarian, trying to make him reason.

Derek looked down at a comatose Meredith… laying on the bed… with a bandage covering her head… with pale skin… and a tiny complexion… he wanted to believe that wherever she was, she was fighting… she was looking for her way back home… but knowing her as he did… it was hard to tell if she was fighting for her life or she was just letting go… and that thought alone… made him nauseous… because as long as she were suspended in time… so was he…

"I can't… Can't do it without her…" he said quietly, almost in a whisper…

"You could at least go see her… She's up there… all alone and tiny and fragile… You need to let her know she's not alone… She's your daughter Derek… She needs you"

"She needs her mother" he snapped.

"She needs her father too… and she needs a name" Addison looked at him not really knowing this person he'd become… this broken man… she made a sigh that carried with it all the exhaustion… and desperation… and impatience that this new Derek made her feel… "Look… I can't stay here forever, to baby sit you… I wish I could… but I can't because you're not in my life anymore… and I'm not suppose to care about you, because we are divorced… and I have a life… I'm starting a new life… a life that doesn't include you… I need to go back to LA… and I know that your life shouldn't be my business anymore… So… I'm really… really sorry… but you left me no choice… I had to call her… had to call mom… I shouldn't' even call her mom… she's not my mother… she's yours… she was my mother by proxi… but you're not my husband anymore so…" She said with sadness in her eyes, because no matter what… Helen Shepard will always be her mother… Even if maybe she wont get to see her anymore… there are some things that don't go away just because a divorce… "Anyway I told her everything… and she's on her way"

"Of course you did" He said to her with bitterness, caressing Meredith's hand.

She looked at him for a moment, feeling a little bit nostalgic about the both of them… about the… what if..? that appeared in her thoughts from time to time just to nag her…

"I have to go now Derek… have a flight to catch…" she said with sadness looking at the very broken man in front of her… she turned around to leave…

"Addie" Derek stopped her, making her face him again… "I'm sorry Addie… I'm sorry I hurt you… I'm sorry I left you alone… I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough… You deserve better… I would like to tell you I wish you find this kind of love… but I'm not sure…" he said to her trying to restrain a cracking voice, staring to show the tip of the iceberg. "…because loving like this… it feels like a curse… it feels like an ocean… so powerful that can't be restraint by the weak dam that is my heart right now… I feel like something it's going to burst… and it can't fit in my chest… and I can't stand it… loving like this, took away my life and soul… This kind of love… it got me stabbed right here inside my bones with pain… This love… It feels like falling… and falling… in a very deep hole with no bottom and no faith… So here I am… like the rock that had accepted its destiny to be hit over and over by the ocean…" his will finally cracked as he starts to sob real hard… as Addison holds him as if he were made of crystal… "She's my reason to live, and I can't find her… I look for her all the time… but she's not here… and maybe she's scared… and she needs me and I don't know where she is… and she's everything… everything… I have nothing without her… I have nothing to give…"

"I know honey… I know… But don't you think she wants you to take care of her daughter… It's her little girl… your little girl…! There are a lot of things we don't know… there is a huge question mark regarding her, and the things she'd done ever since she disappeared… but she wanted this baby Derek… that… we know for sure… that's why she kept her… otherwise… you know…" she paused to make him understand the implication. "If you love her as you say you do… you have to do it for her… because she can't do it herself right know… and she needs you to do it for her… You say you can't find her… I know where she is… and she's scared… and she needs you… You say you have nothing to give… Maybe you don't have to give anything… You've already been given… She's your daughter Derek" she said to him while rocking him back and forth… "Just give her a name"

She was born on a rainy Monday at twelve fifteen… she arrived at this world screaming loudly… maybe at sadness… maybe as a protest… maybe as a way to announce the world she was finally here… as a way to show how she clung to her life with everything… she was a fighter… she was a survivor… and she was determined to stick around… so she cried… she cried to announce herself… she cried to be accepted… or just noticed… and she wasn't going to stop, because it was the only way she could communicate with the world… and she was going to make them listen.

She stopped crying when finally someone attended her calling… a huge and masculine thumb rubbed through the palm of her little hand… It felt good… It felt comforting and warm… so she stopped… she stopped crying… at least for now…

Derek looked at her with tears in his eyes… so new… so tiny… so fragile… and yet so strong… life had given her, her first strike and she was still breathing… It's amazing… how she did it…? How after all the trauma… all the pain… all the surgeries her mother had to put up to… there she was… breathing… a titanic act for her tiny self… So he stood at there looking at her… absorbing her… and the idea of her… Addison was right… there she was… there… in that tiny body… he found her tiny nose… and her eyes… there they were… those beautiful gray-greenish eyes looking back at him… and the little trace she had of hair… it was a dark curly one… they say babies change a lot, but this one… she just couldn't hide she was her mother's daughter…

"Abigail" He said suddenly… almost in a whisper… while he carried her putting her against his chest, and smelled her little head, as the tears started to fall down his cheeks, putting his hand against the large of her back and caressed her softly. "Abby"

**A/N I really appreciate your patience I know this update took me a long time, but I'm back at school and I have a lot to study so I'm sorry to say that It's going to take me longer to update… so If you happen to stick with me even when I just announce that this is going to be kind of slow from now on… I will really appreciate it… so there you have it… my last update… I cried a lot while writing it… what the hell it's wrong with me that I always find a way to drama… I promise not everything it's going to be this sad… Derek is about to change… he's going to change a lot… He just became a daddy… and he just seemed to accept the responsibility… So… I hope you enjoyed it… Please review… **


	8. Just You and Me

**Just You And Me.**

"She's beautiful Derek…!"

He looked up, leaving behind whatever paperwork that needed to be read and sign by him… In moments like this he really regretted his desire to be chief… Administrative matters were more boring that he expected… Being chief was no fun, it was no fun at all… What the hell was he thinking when he fought like a rabid dog to get the position… the truth of the matter is that being chief is much more about the status, but is less exciting than the cut… He loves to cut… and he hates paperwork… so in a way he really appreciates any distraction…

His mother was standing right in front of him, at the entrance of his office… looking at him with loving and compassioned eyes…

"She looks like you…" The woman told him in a proud tone…

Helen Shepard was a woman in her early sixties… she aged well and seemed even younger, she had an air of class and good taste… dressed in very expensive clothes and wore them elegantly… Like a Queen… The tone of her voice was soft and sweet… she had blue eyes… and dark hair… just like her son, at least it used to be dark, but now it was just dyed to cover the gray strands beneath…

"She looks like her mother" He answered in a bitter tone…

She looked at him with an expression that usually parents have with their children… the one that says… 'No matter how much you hurt me or how many mistakes you've made I love you anyways.'

"If you say so" She answered taking his word… "But I do not know her mother… if I knew her maybe I could agree with you… But I do not know her… you've never mentioned her to me, or took her back home to introduced her to us… All I've heard about you for the past year is what other people told me… I had to find out about the birth of my new granddaughter from Addie… So how would I know that she looks like her mother? I don't know her… But I do know you… and I can tell… she is your daughter… she looks like you… she reminds me of you…"

Even though the tone in his mother's voice was soft and caring he took the hint… she was asking for an explanation… and this was a moment he had avoided ever since he left New York and moved to Seattle… but now there was no more avoiding… Now he had to explain his actions… explain his reasons to distance himself from his family in such a harsh way, he had to explain about his divorce, and about his Meredith and the baby, because his mother had done the unimaginable, she flew all the way to Seattle, and that was something, considering she hated to flight, and she hated any other place that wasn't Manhattan… and now she was here, and he had some explaining to do…

"So you named her after my mother" She sounded moved by his decision… Non of her daughters considered that name for their own daughters, Derek had been the only one, but it probably had to do with the fact that of all of her children, he was the closest to his grandmother. The time that grandmother and grandchild had together was short, Nana Abby died when Derek was still a child… but they adored each other, and the fact that he was remembering her by naming his first daughter after her, said a lot… it meant a lot… Nana Abby was a kind and wise woman… and she was being remembered…

"I did…" he answered with a thoughtful expression, as if he were suddenly transported to his childhood when everything seemed better and simpler, where his major problem was how was he going to explain how he broke the window while playing football with Mark, who used to live more in his house than his own, and was practically another member of his family… It's as it was yesterday when Nana Abby saved their asses by telling Helen some punk kids throw a stone but she couldn't catch them…

"I like the name… It's a kind name… just like Nana"

"Yeah it is…" She said with a nostalgic tone. After a long pause "So…" Helen started cautious. "…about this girl…"

"Her name is Meredith" He snapped interrupting her… She was not just a girl… she was the love of his life… she was the mother of his daughter…

"And how am I suppose to know that Derek? Stop acting as if you were being under attack! I didn't came here to judge you… I'm not your enemy… I'm your mother… and I love you… And I know you need me…"

"I don't need anything" He snapped again…

"Jesus Christ Derek! Why are you so mad at me? What have I ever done to you?"

Derek thought about it for a moment and he answered frankly with a soft broken tone… "You and my sisters, teamed out with them… and dismissed my feelings… I know he calls you often, and you take his calls… You left me alone…"

Helen kept silence for a moment, trying to understand the true meaning of what had been said…

"I'm sorry Derek, but I'm not sure I'm getting this…"

"Well… I don't really see the difficulty in it…" He snapped again…

"Derek… I didn't team out with them… I just… I just thought you were too harsh in judging them… I was aware of how lonely Addie was feeling at that time… And it's not that I condone what they did, but they're humans… and humans aren't perfect… humans are flawed, and stupid, and lost… and make terrible decisions most of the time… And you… you were expecting perfection from both of them, and then you acted so hurt… Where you really? You didn't actually loved her… You didn't loved her Derek… So why? Why were you so harsh, and unforgiving to them… They made you a favor… They set you free, so you could find your own happiness… And yet you still have a grudge… And worse… now you have a grudge with me because Mark has the kindness to call me from time to time, to check up on me? And now… Addie deserves your forgiveness but Mark and the rest of your family don't? So no Derek… I'm not sure I'm getting this"

"You're right" He said thoughtful… "I didn't loved her… not the way she deserved…" He paused for a second, giving a deep thought to what he was about to say "It wasn't her… It was him… he was my brother… I would've trust him with my life… and he broke my heart…"

Helen looked at his son… really looked at him for a moment… there was a silent understanding between them… Helen knew she had to drop it… "So you love her" It wasn't really a question… it was more of a statement… given the way he snapped at her… at the slightest mention of her…

"She's the love of my life" He said with a broken voice…

She didn't really wanted to ask, but she had to… "Is there any hope?"

"I'd like to think so"

"So what are you planning to do, Derek?"

"I… I don't know… I think… I…" He stutters with a shaken voice… "You think… I can't… You think you can take her with you… Just until…"

"I'm sorry… but you now I can't do that" Helen interrupted him, she understood immediately where he was going with this… "She's yours… you're gonna have to take responsibility for her…"

"I can't… I can't do this on my own… I… I need her… please mother…I can't take care of a baby right now… I have to take care of Meredith… plus I work twenty four seven"

"Derek… she's in a hospital… It seems to me she has all the care she needs… and you have a daughter now… a newborn that's going to be released from this place in a few days… and she's going to need you, because right now you are the only family she has… I can't take her with me… I am not her mother… You are a father now… act like one… You're going to need to learn how to juggle with your responsibilities at work while you raise a child… Trust me… it can be done… you won't be the first…" She said in a very motherly tone…

Derek knew his mother was right… he's not a child any more, and he can't expect his mother assume a responsibility that's entirely his… if only Meredith was with him… Everything would be easier if she were here…

"You're right… she is my responsibility… I just… I don't know how to do this on my own…" He said to her as he finally burst into tears, as he used to do when he was a child and Helen held him in her lap for hours, caressing his hair, telling him everything was going to be fine…

He was not a child anymore, and he was certainly not small enough to be held in her lap, but that didn't stopped Helen, from running to him to hold him tightly, as she rubbed his back… while telling him everything was going to be fine… "You're not alone Derek… I'm here for you… I came here to help you… I can stay here with you a few weeks… I can show you how to take care of her until you get organized…"

"Would you do that for me?"

"Of course I would honey… you're my little boy… You'll always be my little boy"

Derek looked at her grateful, with tears in his eyes… "Thank you mother"

"So I've heard you're living in a trailer"

He knew that was going to come sooner or later… "I do… I like it there"

"Of course you do… but you have a baby now… and you can't take a baby to live on a trailer in the middle of nowhere… It wouldn't be safe… And we need to get a crib, and diapers… and clothes… a baby needs a lot of things…"

Helen's right he can't take Abby to the trailer… He'd been so worried and distracted about Meredith, that he didn't had time to think about any of that… where is he going to take her once they released her from the hospital, which will be very soon because she's been gaining weight real quickly… and if she keeps doing so at that pace, she'll soon hit the mark established by the pediatrician… What is he going to do? He's going to be such a terrible father… He doesn't even have a place to take her…

"You know what" Helen interrupted him from his thoughts… "Give me your credit card… We've got a lot of things to buy for Abby… and very little time… And about that trailer…"

"Don't worry… I'll take care of that…" He said to her while he took out his VISA from his wallet, and handed it to Helen.

"Ok" Helen said to him as she took the card… "I have some shopping to do" She said as she kiss him in the cheek, she looked at him for a moment, smiled at him sincerely and started walking towards the door…

"You have some shopping to do." He said as he watched her walking away, leaving him alone with his thoughts… If he hurries with his work, he can go to check up on Abby for a while… and then he can spend the night at Meredith's room… Once the hospital released Abby, he won't be able to stay the night with her… His mother is right… he's a father now and he needs to start acting like one...

Izzie Stevens had been sitting in the rocking chair in the premature baby's ward, she's holding Abby in her arms lovingly, while she caress her little head softly as she pushes softly with her foot to the floor, rocking the chair they both are at… Abby has her eyes wide open… You could say she's looking fixedly to Izzie's face… But babies that age can't see much… so probably her fix stare, has more to do with Izzie's voice… that sounds happy and soft, and loving… a voice she's quickly getting used to… Ever since her birth… seven days to be exact… Izzie had been visiting daily… She talks to her… sometimes she gives her bottle… and when she has time she sings some lullabies to get her to sleep…

"Hi baby! Look at you… you're getting so big… Yes you are!"

Izzie can't help but to be reminded of the daughter she gave up, every time she holds Abby in her arms… she felt grateful knowing that her own daughter had someone who loved her, and held her, and kept her safe… She feels drawn to little Abby… She just wants to stay close… make sure Abby is Ok… She owns it to Meredith… Babies at that age are very tactile… they need to be touched… and held… that's usually a mother's task… and since Meredith can't do it at the time… and Derek is a living car wreck, that walks and breathes by a miracle of God… she hangs around and tries to let Abby know that she's not alone… That she's loved… Besides it gives her a good quiet place to think about the disaster her life had turn lately… with Gorge not wanting to talk to her… What is she talking about he doesn't even looks at her anymore… Holding Abby in her arms makes her forget about all that…

"Look at those eyes… Of who are those eyes? Mmmm? Who gave you those beautiful eyes? Your mommy did…! Yes she did…! She gave you her good looks you know… You're going be such a heart breaker…"

Izzie cooed, while looking down lovingly at the baby yawning and closing her eyes in Izzie's arms…

"_Wow!"_

_Izzie said while she stumble across Meredith who was sitting in the cold floor of her bathroom, resting her back at the wall… staring fixedly at the pregnancy test, that's been held with her hand right in front of her face… _

"_Is it… are you…? Oh my God… Meredith!_

_Izzie said to her with a sleepy expression… and an entangled hair… While her eyes traveled to a line of pregnancy tests neatly formed one after the other, right beside her friend… Meredith looked up, to find a recently woke up mixed with a shocked expression… A few tears started to run through her cheeks, surprisingly accompanied with a happy and hopeful expression… A few months ago if someone told her that she would get pregnant… she would considered it the worst tragedy in the history of the world… She doesn't understand why… But even though this is coming at a terrible time… she just happened to dump the father a few days ago… and she works 24/7… and she personally experienced what happens to kids with workaholic parents… despite all that she can't help but feel extremely happy… For the first time in a long time… she doesen't give a damn about herself or her stupid problems anymore… Life doesn't revolve around her anymore… She's pregnant… and she can't really explain it but right then in that second… she knew… She can do this!_

"_Izzie! I'm having a baby…"_

_Izzie closed the door behind her… and ran to her friend… finding a place in the floor right beside her, and held her tightly…_

"_I'm not alone anymore" Meredith said to Izzie with her eyes filled with tears._

"_You have to tell him…" Izzie said to her…_

"_I know..." A happy-cryng Meredith replied…_

Derek watched tenderly amused, while leaning at the door, as Izzie rocked Abby gently in the rocking chair as she was singing her softly…

_Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, _

_Smiles await you when you rise.  _

_Sleep,  _

_pretty baby,  _

_Do not cry,  _

_And I will sing a lullaby.   _

_Cares you know not, _

_Therefore sleep,  _

_While over you a watch I'll keep._

_Sleep,  _

_pretty darling,  _

_Do not cry,  _

_And I will sing a lullaby._

Izzie felt Derek's presence, and stood up immediately with an ashamed expression…

"Chief…! I was just… I…" she said nervously, as she walked towards him surrendering the sleeping baby to her father… "I hope you don't mind"

"No need to call me that… We used to live in the same house for a while… And no I don't mind you spending some time with Abby… I bet she likes it…." He said to Izzie, looking down to the stirring baby, who opened just one eye to scan her surroundings at the recent change of arms, and shot it once she cleared the coast… being rewarded for her efforts by a chuckle coming from her daddy…

"She does" Izzie said happily… "Well I have to go now…" She said while walking through the door… Izzie stopped suddenly and turned around looking guiltily at Derek…

"Dr. Shepard" He heard Izzie called him…

"She made me promise…"

Derek looked at her with a confused expression while shifting his weight from one foot to another softly… to prevent Abby from waking up…

"I knew she was pregnant… and I knew she was leaving… She said she wanted a different life for her baby… she didn't wanted to be like Ellis… she said she needed to start over… that's why she left… she didn't told me where she was heading… didn't wanted to risk you finding out… she said she will keep in contact… which she did… she called me often… she was working at a clinic… she said it would give her time for when her baby was born… she was giving a real thought at the idea of finishing her surgical internship… she wasn't sure about it anymore… she wanted to have time for the baby… she stopped calling a month before you found her… I just thought she was busy, I thought she would call soon… I wanted to tell her that you were looking for her, but she didn't wanted to hear anything about you, it hurt her too much…"

"Why? Why didn't she told me about the baby?"

"She was gonna tell you… she was supposed to tell you… she told me she would… and then something happened that made her change her mind… I don't know what it was… All I know is that she started packing up and left… she didn't wanted me to say anything about it, she made me promise… I had to respect her decision… I'm so sorry!" She said looking at a more confused and hurting Derek…

"She was very happy you know… the day she found out… she didn't hesitate for a moment… she knew immediately she wanted this baby… she said it was a piece of you… she said she was finally having a real family… she said she wanted the baby to look like you… She does! She does look like you!"

"You think" Derek said to her grateful for that piece of information, caressing the soft fur of hair in Abby's head…

"She has a little bit of both… she's like a perfect combination"

"Thank you Izzie"

"You should move in" Izzie said spontaneously… "It's Meredith's house… therefore it's Abby's house… You can't take her to your trailer… It's not safe."

"Yeah… I've heard that before" He chuckled at the memory of that "I'd kill to see Karev's reaction to that… You're both young… and single… the last thing you need is a crying baby… and dirty diapers all over the house."

"Just until you find a suitable place for both of you… Please promise me you'll think about it…"

"I will"

"Ok then" She said happily while turning around and leaving behind a thoughtful Derek.

He looked down, and found a very awake Abby staring at him wide eyed…

"So what do you think? Should we move in with aunt Izzie and uncle Alex…? It could be fun… Don't you think? Nana Helen is buying a lot of stuff just for you… she's gonna stay with us a few weeks… just to show daddy how to be a good daddy… and then It's gonna be just you and me… I wish you luck with that…!" He said playfully "You're gonna have to pray to the gods that once daddy is left alone with you, he doesn't drop you in the head or something…" He said smiling at her, while caressing with his thumb on her soft cheek… Abby started to move her legs and arms in restlessness… and started to cry… "Hey… Hey… Hey… what is it my princess?"

In that minute a nurse walks in, holding a bottle…

"Oh…! I see…!" He said looking at the crying baby "That's a good timing…" He said to the nurse, while taking the bottle from her hand.

The nurse walked out the room, as Derek went back to the rocking chair, while offering the bottle to Abby. She took it immediately and started sucking eagerly, looking at her father with wide open eyes…

"So what do you say if once you are done with your afternoon snack… We go visit mommy… Would you like that? I know for sure she will be very happy to see you" He said kissing his daughter in the head… "Ok so let me try this… let's hope I don't traumatize you for life… Ok here it goes"

_Hush, little baby, don't say a word. _

He started singing softly… looking cautiously at his daughter's reaction, if she showed any sign of complaint he would stop immediately… But she didn't seem to mind her singing daddy… even if he was terrible at it… so he continued…

_Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird  _

_And if that mockingbird won't sing, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring  _

_And if that diamond ring turns brass,_

_Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass  _

_And if that looking glass gets broke, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat  _

_And if that billy goat won't pull, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull  _

_And if that cart and bull turn over, _

_Papa's gonna buy you a dog named Rover  _

_And if that dog named Rover won't bark _

_Papa's gonna buy you a horse and cart  _

_And if that horse and cart fall down, _

_You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.  _

**A/N So here it is… Finally! Yay! I hope this update is worth your wait… Just to be clear… I've already told you the last time that because of school I wouldn't upd****ate that often… But I'd like to assure you that I will never abandon this story… I'm very grateful for all of you who take some time out of your activities, to read this story… I really, really appreciated it… Thank you for your patience and all your wonderful reviews… I really hope you like this… See! Not everything I write is that sad… this was nice isn't it?**


	9. Quite The Pair

**Quite The Pair.**

"_Derek_…!"

He heard Mark calling him while he was unloading Abby from her car seat, trying to set her up in her carrier at Seattle Grace parking lot.

This was their first day together as an official, daddy and daughter, couple and he was really having trouble with that baby carrier thing. Helen stayed with them for three months and supposedly showed him all there was to know regarding Abby's care, before heading back to New York. (Obviously not everything that damn baby carrier and all its belts and clingy things… Grrr!) Today was the first day Derek had Abby on his own and it was Abby's first day at the hospital nursery, she still was very little for being left at a nursery, exposed to other children and with them… yes… germs and diseases, but Derek had no choice, he preferred to have her near him, than left her alone with a nanny, he wished he could be a housewife so he could stay at home with Abby all day long, instead he had to be for Abby, the father, the housewife and the provider, all in one. So today was a big day for both of them… if he just could decipher which clingy thing goes with what.

"You need any help with that?" Mark approached them with an amused look, as he watched Derek having a struggle with the baby carrier's belt.

"Of course not… I'm a brain surgeon… I can handle this carrier thing."

"It looks more like you're trying to tie yourself up with it." As he chuckled amusedly.

Derek looked up at him with an annoyed expression, as he finally got it right. "There… You see" He told Mark proudly while he was double-checking, Abby was being held securely by his chest, he grabbed a blanket to cover her and the pink baby diapers bag and without even asking he put the pink bag on Mark's shoulder. "There… make yourself useful." Derek said while he grabbed his briefcase, locked his car, and started walking towards the entrance of the hospital, ignoring an irritated Mark following him. Derek was well aware of the reason why Mark 'casually' bump into him, he was going to make him sweat for it, and was planning to have fun with it along the way.

"So… Derek…" Mark said as Derek started to walk faster trying to catch the elevator before the doors were closed.

Derek got inside the elevator followed by Mark. Inside the small square room space, there was a sweet and loving elderly couple, looking tenderly at Abby, she looked wide eyed at the sweet old lady, who was smiling at her, while she was making bubbles with her mouth. The old woman couldn't help herself and tickled Abby on her chubby cheek making her smile, melting the old woman's heart.

"Oh! You have such a sweet little girl here. How old is she?"

"Three Months one week." Derek proudly replied.

"Look honey! She's smiling at you." The woman's husband said.

"Yeah…! She started smiling a few days ago, and now she doesn't seem to be able to stop." Derek said as Mark was silently hearing them chatting, looking back and forth as the conversation developed.

"She's so cute… you all look so sweet together." She said looking at Mark. "You two seem as such a loving couple."

What!!! Mark's expression transformed into an horrified one, when he heard the woman, saying that and looked back to Abby's diaper bag, he almost forgot he was carrying it… and the silly fishing cow, with a head way to big to be supported by her body, dressed in pink, sitting on a boat, at the front of the very pink diapers bag, wasn't helping either. How silly is that? A fishing cow? Seriously?

"Are you guys going to the pediatric floor?" The woman said to Mark, he opened his mouth to replied something… anything… but the elevator stopped in that instant and the doors started opening.

"This is our floor honey." The man said to his wife.

"Bye" The couple said to them as they were getting out of the elevator.

"Did they just…" Mark interrupted himself in disbelieve.

"Called us a couple?" Derek finished the sentence. "Yeah… they did." Derek said not so amused himself, as Abby was entertaining herself trying to fit her whole fist in her mouth.

Mark was portraying an offended expression when suddenly he started sniffing something with his nostrils. "What's that smell?" Mark said.

Derek started searching the source of the smell with his nose, towards Abby. Mark's expression seemed disgusted as the smell became stronger and clearly was coming from the drooling baby, in Derek's arms.

"God Derek! Make her stop!" The elevator doors opened, and Derek came out of the elevator, followed by a whiny Mark.

"She's a baby, Mark." Derek snapped back at Mark, as he was walking towards the bathrooms. Derek got inside the room, and in that precise moment a lady came out of one of the toilets, looking at Derek with a frightened expression, Derek smiled to the woman trying to seem casual, while she ran towards the door to leave the room, as fast as possible. He waited until the woman disappeared and then started bending down, searching down with his head, beneath the toilet doors.

"Derek… what are you doing?" Mark said looking at Derek as if he had gone mental.

"Making sure that we are alone." He said straightening himself up. "Lock the door Mark."

Oh boy! He's really gone mental. "Derek do you realize we are in the ladies room?"

"Yeah!" Derek said almost enthusiastically. "There are no changing tables at the men's room. I have to change her diaper. Now… lock the door." He said as he pulled out the changing table.

"Oh…! For a moment there I thought you had lost it." Mark said as he complied Derek's request. "So… I heard this interesting rumor…" Mark started, but he interrupted himself when he saw the content in Abby's diaper… "God man…! How does such a big and smelly thing, can come out from such a little person?"

"I know… I actually find it charming." Derek replied.

Mark rolled up his eyes in disbelieve. He was one of them now, he'd seen happen many times, it's as if an evil entity got inside Derek's body and transformed him. He now belonged to a boring group who found charming every disgusted thing their little monsters did.

"I need a clean Diaper." Derek said to Mark, as he held Abby's legs up with one hand with her tush in the air, while he threw the dirty diaper into the garbage with his other hand. Mark looked at him in confusion…

"I need it for today Mark, as in right now! She's gonna get cold."

Mark reacted, remembering he had the diapers bag and started searching clumsily for a diaper. "Jeez man…! What've you done to my friend?"

"I'm not your friend." Derek snapped back at him angrily.

"Yeah whatever…"

"Jesus Abby… A little help from you would be nice." Derek suddenly said to his giggly daughter looking happily at him. He'd been distracted reaching his hand to Mark, to grab the clean diaper, when unexpectedly Abby peed herself getting all wet. When Derek turned around, it was too late for him to do anything about it, now he was going to have to change all her clothes.

Derek lifted Abby and without asking he put her in Mark's arms taking him by surprise. Mark grabbed her as if he were touching a very toxic substance, extending his arms to keep her as far away from him as possible, as a terrified expression started to form in his facial features. "Derek!"

"Hold on Mark… I just need to clean up this is surface so I can put on, her clean diaper and change her clothes." Derek said while cleaning the changing table without looking at him. "So tell me… what is it that you want Mark."

"Uhhh! Derek!" He heard Mark.

"I know you want something… don't pretend otherwise." Derek continued without looking at him.

"Derek…! She just peed all over my shoes." Derek turned to watch Mark holding Abby awkwardly and looked down to the pee pool, beneath the wet leather of Mark black shoes. "Jesus man! How much liquid, can she hold inside?"

Derek's expression started to seem amused. "That's my girl!" Suddenly an incontrollable laughter burst out of him.

It wasn't funny… for Mark It was far from funny.

Once Derek finally was able to clean up Abby, he was walking through the hallways of the ICU unit holding Abby close to his chest in her carrier, holding in his shoulder his briefcase and Abby's diaper bag, followed closely by Mark. Jesus…! Why can't he give up? Derek thought.

"I thought you were taking her to the nursery." Mark said.

"I just want her to say hello to her mommy… just stop by for her to wish Abby good luck. It's a big day for our little bug, I want to share it with Mer."

Seriously? That all in one; pee, poop, drool machine can't speak yet, she can't say hello… and Meredith… she is in a coma, she can't say hello either nor wish anybody good luck.

"Ok…!" He said in disbelieve. "So Derek… I heard you have a meeting with the board today." Mark said cautiously.

Derek turned around abruptly stopping Mark's track. "There is no need to manipulate me into telling you the information you're looking for, whatever you want, you can say it out front."

"So it is true…" Mark said trying to control his excitement. "You're stepping down."

"Not until I find a replacement."

"Are you staying away from the OR too.? I heard you opened two new neuro positions.

"No I wont, I'll take back head of neuro."

"I want it… I want to be chief." Mark said, Taking Derek's previous advice about saying what he wanted openly.

"What makes you think that I would give chief to you?"

"Why not… I can be an excellent chief."

"I disagree." Derek said while continued walking towards Meredith room. "You're too cocky, arrogant, you abuse your interns and you have absolutely no interest in teaching… and this…" He said stopping his tracks abruptly, turning back to Mark. "Is a teaching hospital… although you obviously haven't noticed it." He said sarcastically. "Besides… I need a friend, an ally, in that position, one that let me accommodate my schedule, one that let me take back the head of neuro position, but don't demand from me a full time commitment. That's why I opened two new neuro positions, I want to delegate."

"I am your friend." Mark said. "And I can be an excellent ally."

"No you're not my friend, and I would hardly consider, the cheating bastard who slept with my wife, an ally" He said bitterly, while he turned around and continued walking.

"Derek come on…! It's been too long… she's not even your wife anymore, she doesn't even live here anymore, she's out there screwing some guy named Pete." He said that last part bitterly and more to himself. "Are you really never going to forgive me?"

For some unexplainable reason to Derek, he actually stopped to listen at him. He was going soft. Of course he was! He was a daddy now and he wouldn't want to teach Abby, how to hold a grudge forever. Mark had something to say, and for the first time he was willing to listen.

"Why would I? Give me one good reason why I should do that… just one…"

"Ok!" Mark replied, unsure of himself. "I wish I could tell you I'm sorry, but I don't think I am."

Derek looked at him with a confused expression. Did he really just said that?

"Look man…" Mark continued. "I did betray you… I did… I have no excuse… but… for what It's worth… At least I didn't do it because I was horny, and my best friend's wife seemed too yummy for me to restrained my man-whore sexual needs… although I have to admit I acted selfishly. I love her man. I loved her since…" He stopped searching for a timeline. "I don't know man… it feels like forever. I loved her then, and I love her now, unfortunately… I wasn't good enough for her and she's now in LA with this guy Pete, who seems to be better than me, at least in her eyes." He said in sadness. "Anyway… I'm sorry I hurt you though, you're my family Derek." Derek stared at him, knowing exactly what Mark was talking about, at least regarding the 'loving someone forever' part. "There… that's my reason." Mark finished, In case Derek didn't just registered his speech.

"Ok." Derek replied, turned around and continued his, very interrupted, way towards Meredith's room.

"Are you going to forgive me, or what?" Mark raised his voice for Derek to hear.

"I don't think so." Derek replied, with the same tone of voice, without turning around while walking towards his Meredith. "Not today anyways."

Mark smiled as he watched his friend walk away. "Can I have chief?" He said back.

"Will see." Derek said before disappearing around the corner, leaving behind a very hopeful Mark.

Derek spent a few minutes in Meredith's room, and put Abby over her chest as he'd been doing every single day since Abby's birth, he figured Abby needed to feel her mother's warmth, and deep down he hoped that Abby's presence would miraculously heal her. Visiting Meredith twice a day, was now a part of his routine, he would talk to her as if she could listen he knew better that anyone, that there was a big chance that she was actually listening in a subconscious level, there is so much about the brain that's yet to be discovered. So he hung around with Abby daily, hoping for something… a miracle maybe… although the scientist side of him was ashamed to admit it, Neurosurgeons do not expect miracles.

Abby fell asleep in Mer's chest, so Derek carried her to accommodate her in her carrier and take her to the nursery.

"Ok… mommy… this little bug… has a exciting day ahead of her."

He stood there for a moment watching at Meredith heartbrokenly, holding Abby with one arm, and stroking Meredith's face with the other… "You need to wake up soon Mer… you're missing her… she's been smiling more often now science last week and you missed it, she likes me to make funny faces at her, she loves to grab my nose… she adores my nose… she squeezes and pulls it, she can do that for hours. I'm even using my nose to calm her down when she's too restless, obviously she's not very demanding, who likes my nose? " He chuckled. "We need you honey." and with that, he took a deep breath, he turned around and left the room.

Derek got back in the elevator, heading to the nursery, the elevator stopped and the doors opened, discovering behind them at Lexie Grey standing there waiting for the elevator, she got in with an excited expression at the sight of little Abby.

"Oh my God! Look at you! You're getting so big." She said in excitement to Abby while grabbing her little hand and blow some air in the palm of her hand, making a strong noise with her mouth against  
Abby's palm, tickling her and making her giggle.

"Good morning to you too, Dr. Grey" He said amused.

"Sorry Dr. Shepard… She's just so beautiful. And looking more an more like her mother."

"I know" Derek replied proudly.

"Dr. Shepard I wanted to ask you something... and if you say no, it's ok, at least I tried. My dad has been doing better; at least he's not drinking anymore. He's still depressed, but I'm hoping that in time… anyway, I was thinking about… I don't know… getting together sometime… have some diner, maybe… I really want him to know Abby, I… I think it's the right thing to do she deserves a family. Meredith did to… I just… I just think it's the right thing to do." She looked up at him expectantly.

Derek smiled softly at her. "I'm not really sure about it Dr. Grey. I wouldn't want Abby to develop an attachment, and then be left alone with a sense of abandonment. I know Thatcher is a good man, but he's also incapable of fighting for what it's right, and in this moment he may have stopped drinking, but he's also emotionally unstable, I appreciate your offering, I understand it and in some level I even support it, but for me to get to the point of letting Abby getting to know her grandfather, I really need to make sure that he's emotionally stable, and that he understands the things he did wrong in the past, and shows some remorse and the will to try to fix it.

"I understand." Lexie replied a little bit disappointed. "Maybe in time then."

"Yeah… maybe in time." They heard the elevator ding, and the doors opened at the nursery floor, at Seattle Grace Hospital.

"My floor." He said. "It was nice to see you Dr. Grey."

"You too" She replied as she watched them getting away from her a little bit sad, but also hopeful, while the elevator doors closed in front of her.

Derek got to the nursery, and a very nice lady greeted him.

"Dr. Shepard… this must be Abby"

"Yeah"

"She's such a cutey."

"Yeah" He replied fearful, not exactly knowing what to do. And the lady was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to deliver Abby to her. But neither of them said anything, they just stand there staring at each other awkwardly.

"So I just leave her with you?"

"Yes"

"And that's just it?"

"Yes"

Relentlessly he surrendered the diapers bag and started unloading Abby from her carrier. He felt his heart braking in a million pieces. It's ok! It's Ok! It's just for a few hours. He tried to assured himself.

"You'll find her schedule inside her bag, she likes to hear a song before taking her nap, 'Hush little baby' is her favorite. Oh! And she likes the pink pacifier, the one with the fishes hanging, over the yellow one, but I brought the two of them just in case, If she gets to restless, you can put her near your chest and the sound of your heart will calm her down, or you can let her play with your nose, whichever you like"

"Dr. Shepard." The woman interrupted him. "She will be fine, I can assure you. You'll be surprised at the ability of adaptation kids have."

"Ok. So you have all my numbers." He said while finally surrendering Abby into the ladies arms. The woman took her, looking strangely at Derek, he seemed as if he were expecting for something.

"Dr. Shepard?"

"Should I get a receipt or something?"

The woman chuckled amusedly. "That wont be necessary… I have her now… I'll always be the one receiving her, if not I will introduce you previously to the person doing so, you have nothing to worry about, she'll be here when you come to pick her up, you can go to work calmly."

"Ok" Derek replied, as he watched heart brokenly how she was taking Abby inside the nursery. If this is how he feels about leaving her at the nursery, how will it be when he had to take her to school, or the day he will take her to her new dorm at the university, or the day he will deliver her at her wedding. What a terrifying thought, if she could only stop growing.

**A/N So here it is… Finally! Yay! I hope this update is worth the wait. So I was trying to write a very important chapter for this story, one that I consider definitive, which not necessarily means that we are coming close to the end, I don't really think we are, I think that we a re in the middle of this road, that you so kindly decided to follow with me. (We'll have plenty of MerDer)As I was saying, it was an important chapter, one that represented a big change within this story. I'm not saying if it would be good or bad, anyway… I was trying to do so, but something wasn't clicking, something was missing and I spent a few days trying to figure what it was, until I realized I needed another chapter in the middle. And because I know that I might abused you guys with the sad stuff, I finally went there… (As terrified as I was of doing it.) …and tried to make you smile. I'm not sure I'm good at doing so, but at least I tried. (They say it's easier to make people cry, than to make them laugh) Anyway… this was definitely not my stile of writing, and is not that definitive chapter I was talking about, this is more of a transition to it, this is me trying to make you laugh, hopefully I won't fail at it… at least not miserably… I can handle failure… but not sure I can handle miserable failure. Ok! Enough with the rambling!**


	10. Fairy Tales Can Come True

**A/N So this is going to be a bit confusing at the beginning, so keep your minds open and trust me. **

**Fairy Tales Can Come True.**

_In a faraway land, long… long ago, there lived a King and his fair Queen. Many years they had longed for a child, and finally their wish was granted. A daughter was born, and they called her Abby. But there was this evil fairy, envious of the happiness of the King and the Queen, who put the Queen to sleep so they could never be happy ever again. The King used every resource at his disposal to break up the curse, but didn't succeed. Years have passed and still no one had come up with an answer as to how to break up the curse and wake up the Queen. And this is where our story begins..._

She's been walking down the street, followed by her always faithful Lucas; a three year old light cream-white colored golden retriever, with a friendly nature, kind hazel eyes, and over excited movements.

Lucas has been side by side with little Abby since she was a baby; her daddy brought him home when he was a puppy, and ever since they have been inseparable. She obviously had no recollection of that day, but that's the story her daddy told her, she even has pictures of puppy-Lucas, sleeping in her crib, with his face buried in baby-Abby's neck.

That dog would give his life for the little three year old, who got her mommy's green expressive big eyes, that would charm they way to pretty much everything they wanted, her long curly eyelashes, her small nose with freckles, and her petite size; and got her daddy's dimples and black curly hair. Aunt Christina says that if it weren't for the hair and the dimples, she could be her mommy's clone, She didn't really knew what a clone meant, but her daddy explained to her, that it's when someone is an exact replica of some one else; which made her feel so important, she liked being identical to her mommy it felt good. She was even called, by her aunts and uncles, 'The mini Mer', aunt Christina came up with that one, she likes to make up names for people… she likes it a lot. Making up silly names is fun.

Today little Abby Grey Shepard is on a very important mission, a life and death mission, like when princess Aurora's fairies, were looking for the prince charming who'd give her, her first true love's kiss, to wake her up. Little Abby had her own very important mission, she was walking down the street, with a determined expression, armed with her pink fairy wings hanging from her back, just in case she needed to fly away, her magic stick with a glittery star on the tip, just in case she gets in trouble, and her pink princess Ariel back-pack, where she carries her pink piggy bank, just in case she needs to bribe someone, some snacks for her and Lucas, (chocolates and candy bars, they both love those) for when they get hungry, some water, Lucas gets thirsty all the time, his tongue hanging and drooling is usually a sign of his thirstiness, and the most important thing of all; her mommy's picture.

She was on her way to find the fairy godmother, she saw the other day on T V, she said she could make your dreams come true if you wanted them strong enough, 'she was the most beautifulest lady she had ever seen in her life', except of course for her mommy, all right… all right… so 'she was the second most beautifulest lady she had ever seen in her life'. She had blue eyes and blue long hair; long like… really… really long, it went all the way to her waist, maybe longer, maybe all the way to her knees, or is it was to her feet? She was wearing a white glittery long dress, she had a big smile and beautiful pink lips, and there was this blue light surrounding her. When she asked her daddy about the fairy godmother, he said that she was just advertising some 'Golden Curls' shampoo for kids. Silly daddy! Sometimes he knew nothin about nothin, he was a good daddy, but he's a grown up and grown ups are blind, the minute they grow up they lose their ability to see the magic; if you think this is a ball of Lucas's poop, you can go ask Peter Pan, he will tell you. That is why she promised herself she'd never grow up. Grown ups are boring!

She had to find the fairy godmother… she really had to, she had something very important to ask of her, she was her last hope… She had her very own sleeping beauty, who needed to be woken up, she wanted the fairy god mother to break up the curse, and wake up her mommy for mother's day. There was going to be a little festival at day care, and all the other kids were taking their mommies with them, but like princess Aurora her mommy had been asleep for a very long time, ever since she was born, but unlike Aurora all the kisses her daddy and her were giving her, didn't seemed to be working. She tried everything… she asked to every single person with some influence and magical powers at their disposal, she asked to her guardian angel, to Santa Claus last Christmas, instead of toys; obviously the man is getting really old, because he still brought her lots of toys when she clearly instructed her daddy to write in her letter she didn't wanted them, she wanted her mommy to open her eyes, she even asked it to God, and nothing… Could somebody please wake up her mommy? So she needed to find her; she said it, the fairy godmother said it… she clearly said she could make your dreams come true…

"Lucas… Look!" She said to her faithful guardian, who responded waging his tail enthusiastically. "The fairy godmother" the little girl said while pointing out her little finger at the bus, at the bus stop displaying in his exterior a huge publicity picture of the fairy godmother she'd seen before on TV, holding in front of her a bottle of the 'Golden Curls' shampoo, with a huge smile. "Hurry Lucas…" Abby said while crossing the street with the little pitty-pat of her small feet, towards the bus stop… "We have to get there…"

Little Abby was a smart and brave girl for her age, she knew quite well how adults always made a big fuss about a small kid wondering around, without her parents. 'They always have to be soooooo… melodrolomatic… or whatever…' If she was going to get this right, she needed to hide from their attention, the last thing she wanted was to be sent back home, this was a mission, only she could accomplish. So she stood right behind a lady old enough to be her mom, and displayed to the driver her brightest sweetest widest smile, no one could ever resist her smile, it worked with her daddy all the time. The driver assumed they were mother and daughter and let the kid get in the bus, along with Lucas who was also trying to keep a low profile.

The girl and the dog quickly picked a seat in the back, to avoid more adult confrontations, she sat beside the window, she loved to watch down the window while her daddy was driving, she was feeling so excited… this was quite an adventure for a three year old…

After a while the bus came to a stop and the little black curly haired girl, noticed everyone was getting down from the bus, so she figured that was it that was the end of the ride that would take her to the fairy god mother, and she came down from the bus as well.

She was standing right there in the middle of downtown surrounded by a crowd of hurried people coming from all directions. There were cars down the streets, honking their horns frantically…a homeless asking for money, while yelling at people who didn't complied his requests, a policeman directing the traffic, and all kinds of vendors. Never in her short existence had she ever felt so alone, and little, and scared. She used to come down town with her daddy all the time, to do some shopping, but coming with her daddy was a lot safer and less scary, than doing so by herself. She didn't know what to do anymore, or where to go, the bus was supposed to take her to the fairy godmother, but she wasn't here, and now she was all alone, and there were all this crazy people around her.

Suddenly Lucas started barking enthusiastically calling Abby's attention. "What's up Lucas?" Abby asked. The dog kept barking and jumping and waging his tail, until she looked up and discovered a huge picture of the fairy godmother, even bigger than the one outside the bus, right on top of a building enlightened with blue lights all around it. "There she is, There she is… we have to go… we have to get there" She said to Lucas jumping and screaming happily.

"Lets go… Lets go… Lets go… Lets go…" She said hurriedly while running towards the rushed adult legs, dressed with dark suits walking down the street, followed by the kind natured dog.

While running down the street she noticed a police patrol, with a policeman talking to his radio, while looking at her. "I think I see a girl with the same description" She heard him say, and she knew he was talking about her, she couldn't get caught now that she was so close to her destination, all she got to do was to get to that building, that's where the fairy godmother lived for sure, so she started running in the opposite direction, away from the policeman who started running behind her trying to catch her…

"Hey kid… wait… kid" The police yelled from behind, but little Abby was very sneaky, you should ask her dad, whenever he was trying to find her to made her eat her vegetables, so she managed to loose the man with the blue uniform running behind her. Being so small, she perfectly fitted through a little window, along with Lucas, at the level of the floor leading to the basement of a building.

She watched the feet of the policeman pass by, through the little window, she made sure she was safe and started looking for a way to leave that basement and continue her journey… she saw a door at the end of the room leading to a stairwell, she started to climb the stairs with her little legs, its seemed a long way up for such a tiny person, and she was already feeling tired, but she couldn't give up now. She was so close she could taste it, and she knew she could do it, her daddy used to tell her all the time, how she could do everything she set her mind to, and she believed him.

Finally she found another door that lead her to a huge white room, fill with people walking around in every direction, some of them were carrying big lamps, others were setting in the floor what it looked to her like a train rail, another one was carrying a video camera, kind of like the one her daddy has, but this one seemed bigger.

"Hey kid" She heard someone say. "We are about to start, go take your place" The man said to her walking her towards a group of kids dressed as little fairies, they had the wings and the magic stick just like her, although they had some funny pointy ears.

The main lights were turned off, and suddenly, everybody kept silence so she shushed Lucas with her little finger over her mouth not wanting to get into trouble, she turned around to discover a white forest, enlightened with blue lights… And just when she thought this couldn't get better, something super duper unbelievably incredible happened… There she was, right in front of her… She came down flying from the sealing… and her blue long hair and her dress was being blown by a strange wind, which Abby didn't seem to be able to figure out where it came from. She was so amazed, so in awe, she just couldn't believe it… She did it… She found her…

"Rolling" She heard someone say, while she looked a man positioned himself in front of the big camera she saw earlier, and with a square black and white thingy, with red numbers, made a clack sound in front of the camera. "And… action" He said.

The fairy godmother started flying down to the floor, she sat her naked feet on the ground and started walking towards the kids holding in her hands a bottle of 'Golden Curls' shampoo, while Abby's jaw fell a little, as the intense blue gaze of the fairy godmother was set on her. The beautiful fairy walked slowly and delicately towards the crowd of kids. The beautiful lady was about to open her mouth to say something smiling to the camera when Abby interrupted her.

"Fairy godmother… Fairy godmother…" Abby said while pulling her dress gently.

"Cut" She heard a man say, with an annoyed tone. "What the hell just happened?"

"Fairy godmother…" Abby continued. "I have a wish to ask you."

The woman looked down at the little girl, with a confused expression. "What?"

"My mommy, she's sleeping… I need you to wake her up"

The man with the black and white thingy approached them amused. "She thinks you're a real fairy" He said taking out some laughter from some of the presents with that comment.

Little Abby couldn't understand entirely what were they laughing at, but she had more important things to think about at the moment, so she continued with a frown expression. "You can do it right… you said it… you said it the other day on TV… I saw you… Please fairy godmother… wake my mommy up"

"Sweety" The woman said to the little kid in front of her awkwardly. "Where are your parents?"

"I already told you, my mommy is asslep"

"Ok! How about your father"

"Mmmm" She said not sure of what to say, she didn't want to get in trouble… "Working" She made it sound more like a question than to an answer.

"Does he knows you're here"

"Not really… no" She answered knowing it was useless to lie, she's the fairy godmother she would know, she knows everything…

The woman looked up to the man making fun of Abby earlier, and they had and understanding just by looking at each other… the man knew what to do… that kid's dad was probably looking for her all over the city…

"Are you gonna make my wish come true, like you said you could?"

The woman kneeled down in front of Abby…

"Sweety I know I said I could make everyone wishes come true but I'm not…" The woman interrupted herself not having the heart to slap the little kid with a dose of harsh reality… "Look, there are some things that are supposed to happen, it's like when some kid wishes his teacher would get sick, so he could skip class… I can't make that wish come true…" She continued playing along while the people around her started glancing each other with confused expressions. "It would be wrong… so maybe your mommy is sleeping for a reason, maybe her body is hurt and needs some healing, and… if I wake her up now, her body wouldn't heal properly, and then she could get very…very sick…"

"But you're the fairy godmother, you can wake her up, and make her not sick."

"I tell you what, if your mommy wakes up it would be because it was the right thing for her, but… if she doesn't it's because she needed to sleep some more… Ok… Either one of them would be for the best, even if you don't see it right now" Abby looked at her a little disappointed, she really thought she could wake up her mommy.

A police officer showed up to the set where the 'Golden Curls' commercial was being filmed, to pick up Abby. The police received an early call from a Dr. Derek Shepard, he called them in the morning saying that his daughter had disappeared from the Seattle Grace Hospital day care. They put up an alert immediately… Fortunately they just found her safe and sound, and were taking her right now to reunite her with her worrying father.

-

Derek Shepard was pacing up and down at the lobby of Seattle Grace hospital, worrying sick at Abby disappearance, and even though a police officer called him a while ago to inform him they just found his daughter, and narrated the whole adventure his daughter just experienced, and assured him she was Ok. Derek wouldn't feel at peace until he had his little bug again in his arms.

Suddenly the officer who talked to him on the phone, walked in the lobby, holding little Abby's hand in his. At the sight of his daughter Derek hurriedly ran towards her and carried her in his arms, letting a breath of relief escape his lips.

"Jesus Abby… where were you? I had been worrying sick. What were you thinking? To leave like that, all by yourself" Derek said while holding her tightly.

"I just wanted my mommy to wake up" She said sadly. "I didn't mean to scare you"

"I know princess, I know… but please promise me you'll never do something like that ever again. Promise to me Abby" He said, putting her in the floor still trying to shake off the scare he just had.

"I promise daddy" The little girl said.

"Ok" Derek said to her while kissing her forehead.

Derek stood up straight and reached his hand to shake the officer's. "I really appreciate what you just did officer"

"It's my job Doctor… Oh! I almost forgot… I tied the dog to a tree outside…"

"Thank you" Derek replied as he watched the officer walked away.

"Derek! Derek!" He heard.

He looked up, discovering Christina running towards him.

"She's awake… She's awake… Meredith… She just opened her eyes"

"Holly cow..!" Abby said in awe, while she started running away from Derek, not wanting to wait another second to be with her mommy.

"Abby wait" She heard her daddy yell at her, she didn't really have any intentions to stop, she'd waited long enough, and finally that moment was here. She did it… The fairy godmother did it…

**A/N Ok so I know some of you had been worried about Mer missing the first years of Abby, and yes I did it. I kept Mer in a coma for three years, but please let me explain myself before you cuss and yell at me. If I would've woken Mer up, while Abby was still a baby, what would've stopped her from taking the baby with her and disappeared again? We all know, as much as we love her that she can be stubborn, so I needed a very strong bond an unbreakable one, to keep Mer near Derek; this way no mater how Much Mer would want to run away, she wouldn't be able to, she can't take Abby with her now, because of the strong bond she has with her father, she can't run away from Derek. If she wants to be with Abby, if she wants to get to know her and be her mother, she's gonna have to be near Derek. Of course this will be awkward at the beginning, because as much as I tried to fix her surroundings, now I'm gonna have to start fixing her. This particular chapter was the whole reason I started to write this fic, (this and the fact that I wanted to explore single daddy Derek) I planed this chapter before I planed the prologue of this story. (it was fun trying to find my way to it. Yay! I made it!.) As I said, Abby's name means 'source of joy' her presence is very important for Mer's healing, she's the bond between Mer and Der. I told you before, that the first part of this story was about Derek trying to find his way back to Meredith, and he found her, he found her through Abby, now we are starting the second part of this story, which will be about Mer (even if it will be relentlessly at the beginning) trying to find her way back to Derek, through Abby. So yes she lost the first years of her daughter and now she has a lot of time to make up to her. But hey! Now there comes the happy part, the better part. Mer has woken up! That's a good thing, right? Most of you had begged for this to happen since the beginning of this story. So there it is. BTW, for those of you who noticed, yes I just used a slight reference to 'Pinochio' and obviously the 'Sleeping Beauty' for this chapter, and some other fairy tales, which I do not own either. Lucas is the cricket, although he can't speak, he barks, but he has a very good sense of danger and loyalty, and instead of wanting to be a real girl like Pinochio, Abby wanted her mommy to wake up, but hey they were both looking for the fairy godmother, and they both found her. You can think of me like the evil fairy who put Queen Meredith to sleep, so they couldn't be happy. Ok enough! Oh God! Somebody please just shut me up!**


	11. I Choose You

**A/N Since I seem to be obsessed with the 'I Will Show You Love' song by Kendall Payne. And I've listened to it like a thousand times today. I strongly suggest that you follow the link and listen at it while reading the last scene. Just to get in the same mood I was, while writing this.**

**I Choose You.**

For the first time in years he found himself praying. He had only turned to God twice before in his life. The first time was the day his father was rushed to an emergency surgery with a life threatening aneurism. He was fifteen years old, it didn't go so well, his dad died in the OR table before the doctor could even open him up. The second time… well… the second time was the day she drowned and apparently God did listened that day. She came back from the dead. Of course, instead of seeing the miracle in it he immediately found a scientific explanation, convincing himself that Meredith Grey returning from the death after four hours in a cardiac arrest was scientifically possible. And now… He is praying now.

He'd been waiting a few hours, for some answers and he had officially become a nervous wreck. Hell! He'd been waiting more than that… he'd been waiting for three years… more if you count the previous seven months she disappeared on him. And strangely enough, now that a little window of hope has been opened, he feels he can't wait no longer. If Meredith wouldn't opened her eyes today, he could've kept waiting… waiting for her to find her way back… waiting for her to wake up. And now he just can't do it anymore, he cannot wait one more second. He needs an answer. He needs something to happen. He needs her to wake up or just die, either one of them is better than this limbo she's been living. He needs somebody who can put him out of his misery. If this is a false alarm. If she hadn't really found her way back to consciousness, from her deep sleep. If hope has been given just to be taken away. He just don't think he'll ever be able to recover from that kind of pain, which is worse that the waiting. And his little Abby, he doesn't even want to think about that. How could he possibly explain to her that her mommy didn't wake up? Damn Cristina! How could she'd been so reckless, to say something like that in front of his daughter? He had to chase her down and grab her to prevent her from going to Meredith's room. He had to watch Abby crying as he had never seen her cry before, with so much sentiment, in Izzie's arms as she was taking her home to distract her, while the little girl kept saying between sobs she wanted to see her mommy.

"Miranda! Talk to me… Tell me I won't have to go home, and break my daughter's heart" Derek said to her in a state of nervousness when he saw her approaching the waiting room.

"Dr. Ryan is checking the tests results as we speak, he'll be here to talk to you in a minute."

"So what do you think?"

"She's responsive to pain and loud sounds, her eyes seem to be tracking moving objects. You're the neuro guy. You tell me."

"I think she's minimally conscious, I think her brain is fighting to find full consciousness. But what if she's not. What if…"

"Why don't we wait for Dr. Ryan." Miranda said.

"I have excellent news Shep" They both heard him say, and turned around to discover Dr. Ryan approaching them with a broad smile. "The MRI shows brain activity. Her brain had been healing itself very slowly. She's trying to wake up Shep." He said while patting Derek amicably in the back.

"So she's MCS right now"

"She's not fully conscious right now… but that can be solved with a course of amphetamines to give her the push she needs to wake up… all you have to do is sign this…" He said while handing Derek the form. "…and in a few hours, she'll be back with us."

Derek sat down staring at the form, holding a pen in his right shaky hand. This is it, all he has to do is sign the authorization form, and he'll be able to hold her, and talk to her. God! There are so many things he wants to tell her. He wants to tell her about their little bug. He wants to tell her about the day she'd born, about the things she likes and dislikes, about how she's a miniature version of her, and a constant reminder of his Meredith. All of it is just a signature away.

-

"_Have you seen Dr. Shepard?" She asked to nurse Olivia._

"_He went home for the night" _

"_Oh!" She answered with a little disappointment. _

_She didn't really know what to do. Maybe this was for the best… maybe this was not a good idea. She broke up with him, now what was she supposed to say. 'Hey, I know I told you we were over, but… maybe we are not over… over… just kind of over… I'm kind of pregnant right now so maybe we could still share custody of our child… Huh!' Crap! Telling your ex-boyfriend you're expecting his child is going to be harder than breaking up with him. What if it is too late? What if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby? Will she be able to raise it alone. She can barely take care of herself. Times like this deserve a few shots of tequila. The thing is, she can't drink tequila right now. Oh screw it! Nobody said anything about just go to Joe's and sitting there, besides probably the guys are there too, and she can use the company._

_She entered Joe's looking around for her friends instead she spotted Derek. _

_Should she go to him? Should she tell him? Such news shouldn't be told in a bar? To hell with it! Just blurt it out! No anesthesia. _

_She started walking towards the bar stool where Derek was sitting dinking his scotch, when a bubbly and dopy brunette, way to bright and shiny for her taste took the bar stool next to Derek. Meredith stood right there in the middle of the bar in complete shock. _

_This can't be right! This has to be a joke! Is Cristina around? Did he? Is he… smiling at her…? Is she smiling back…? Is she sitting at her spot? HER SPOT! She was sitting there when they met. Is that tequila, she's drinking? Is that the look? Their look? The McDreamy look? This is not… No! This is the second time somebody picks Lexi over her. Obviously she's not the kind of girl who gets to be chosen. First Thatcher chose Lexi and not her. Ellis chose her work and not her. Derek chose Addison and not her. And now her McDreamy is choosing Lexi too. Once again someone else was getting her McDreamy and her McLife, and not her. This is too much! She can't take this! How does dark and twisty Meredith, can compete against bright and shiny Lexi, the good Grey, the happy Grey, the Grey that had everything this Grey didn't. She bets she can give Derek what he wants. She bets she can be for him that happily ever after person he wants so much, and let him be her knight in shining whatever. Maybe this is for the best, he deserves better anyway. _

_And with that thought she turned around and left the bar, and along with it, she left behind the life that could've been hers, if only she would've been bright and shiny Meredith. But she's not._

-

The first thing she noticed was the pain, it felt like needles piercing her eyes. There was a blinding white light surrounding her, making it impossible for her to focus in anything. She was blind, not in darkness, but in a bright intense shine. She wanted to talk, to call someone but as soon as she got an awareness of her vocal cords she realized there was an obstruction, a tube in her throat and along with the consciousness of it's presence, came the panicking sensation of asphyxia, and the urge to pull air by her own means instead of letting a tube, do it for her. She wanted to pull it out, it was hurting her, but a new ache appeared in her body as soon as she tried to move her arms. Every single muscle in her arms was sore, and weak and extremely heavy. Moving her arms turned out to be a more difficult task than she imagined it would be, it was as if somebody tied an eight-pound weight in each of her wrists. The same happened when she tried to move her legs. She started to feel so much pain, coming from so many places of her body it was hard to distinguish which pain came from where. Never in her life had she ever been so aware of her own body. All of it was crying in pain. And just when she thought it couldn't get worse, a shivering cold started enveloping her from her toes all the way to her head, as her whole tiny self started shaking uncontrollably. She was aching, and shivering, and blind, and mute, and scared, and to make matters worse, she started to feel a void in the bottom of her stomach, it felt as if she hadn't eat in ages. She was starving. This is how a newborn baby must feel while it's violently expelled out of the warmth and comfort of its mother's womb. Maybe she is that baby; maybe she's being reborn.

"Grey? Grey! Can you hear me?" She heard a familiar voice.

-

"Aren't you supposed to be there when she wakes up" Cristina said to a very thoughtful and worried Derek.

He'd been sitting in the waiting room. And once again was waiting… waiting for the seconds to turn into minutes and the minutes to turn into hours. Hours that felt like ages.

"Aren't you?" He replied.

She didn't answer, she didn't have to, he could see her fears right through her eyes. He was feeling them too. She sat right beside him as thoughtful and as worried as him. There was a comfortable silence between them. There were no words needed to know they were both scared of the very moment they wished the most.

"I wanted to be there…" He continued. "But Miranda thought it wasn't such a good idea. So… she's with Meredith right now waiting for her to wake up"

"Is she gonna talk to her too? I mean…"

"Yes" He cut her off. "We thought it was the best for her to hear the news from someone neutral. Finding out she's been in a deep coma for three years is going to be shocking enough. I wouldn't want to add more stress to her by imposing my presence. Last time she checked she was living in the other side of the country just to get as far away from me as she could."

"Derek" Miranda Bailey said to him while walking to meet them both. "She's fully awake now"

"Did you… Did she…" He said while standing up to meet her.

"She's fully awake now… she's amazingly lucid… Her verbal abilities are intact… She has muscular atrophy… which is to be expected… But a physical therapy will do"

"Miranda!" He cut her off as gently as he could.

"I did… I told her everything."

"And?" Christina urged her.

"Well… I think she took it very well considering… you know… She was a little confused about the timeline, she is still a little confused… which is completely normal in patients with head injuries, but I don't have to tell you that, you know better." She said to him. "She understood perfectly what happened to her, but she's having trouble putting the pieces together considering there are a lot of them missing. I think she took it the best way she could. I told her you were waiting outside, that you wanted to see her and talk to her. But… Before you go in there, I think we should give her some time alone. She has a lot to digest. Lets just give her some time. In the mean time, you should call Stevens and tell her to bring Abby. She wants to meet her daughter… and she wants pizza."

A weight was dropped from their shoulders at the sound of Miranda's words.

-

Derek came inside of the room looking at her with his dreamy smile he just couldn't stop smiling. Looking at her like that. He's just happy. She was lying there in her bed, smiling back at him. He almost forgot how beautiful her smile was.

They stayed like that in silence, smiling at each other for a moment. Suspended in time. And in that fraction of time, there were no past or regrets or mistakes. There were just the two o them.

"So…" She was the first to break the silence they have been immersed.

And her voice he almost forgot the sound of her voice too. How could he survive without her all this time?

"So…" He said to her without stop smiling. I've been outside for hours… thinking about all the things I wanted to say… and what I wanted to say that is that… I've been waiting for you find your way back to us for so long, that I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to say all those things to you, I will just say them… I love you… I want to marry you. I want to make a life with you. I want us to be a real family. I want to give you all I have. My heart and soul... they are yours. I want to give you the world. I want to make you happy. You're the love of my life. I already told you that before. I know that. But you didn't believe me. I love you so damn much, that I would give my life for you. And I know this is a terrible moment to say this to you, because you have a lot to deal with. I know that. And as much as I love you, is not about just you and me anymore. There is someone else we need to take care of. There is a little girl out there who is expecting a lot from you. She doesn't know anything about your troubles or your fears, or our problems in the past. All she knows… all she cares about is that she wants to be with her mommy. She's expecting for you to come home with us. She's expecting for you to be her mommy, like the one the other kids have. She's been waiting for you like forever. And my job is to protect her, I am a parent now… and I have to protect her, even if it is from you. Now, I know you're scared, and I know we didn't left things in the best of terms, but we have someone else to think about first other than us. I'm not saying that you're obliged to be with me, because of our daughter. We obviously have a lot to talk about, and a lot to fix between us. All I'm saying is that whatever happens with us. She has to come first. She always has to come first."

"I understand…"

"Ok then… Are you ready?" He said to her smiling in excitement.

"I am"

He left the room for a moment and came back holding the little girl's hand, who was carrying one of her dolls. Never in her life had she ever seen such a sweet little girl. There were so many emotions battling inside her chest. Looking at her own reflection, in a small version of herself must've been one of the weirdest feelings she had ever felt. Recognizing her own eyes looking back at her, and her nose, and the way she bites her bottom lip and fidgets her hands when she's nervous, and her body frame. All of it in a smaller package.

Now she understands what people really meant when they talked about immortality. She just found hers.

It was love at first sight. Neither mother nor daughter knew what to do or say in that moment, they were just in shock at the sight of each other for the first time.

Strangely enough, Abby who's a very talkative girl was disturbingly quiet. Her little eyes were stuck in her mommy's eyes. It's as if she were scrutinizing every breath, every movement of her mother.

"Hey princess!" Derek intervened. "Why don't you tell mommy what you told me you would do to her, when she woke up"

A rush of shyness invaded the black curly haired girl, who reached instinctively for her daddy's leg, hiding her face into it.

"Come on you shy girl! You can tell her!"

Little Abby started fidgeting, and rocking her hips from one side to the other, while chewing on her bottom lip. Looking at the ground, not having the strength to meet her mother's eyes. "I said… I said…"

"Come on Abby, you've been wanting for this to happen since… how long? And now that it happened the cat cut your tongue."

"You can tell me… I won't bite you." Meredith said warmly to her trying to find the little girl's eyes, and lock them with her own. She wanted to connect with her, she wanted to know her, and she wanted to never let go of her.

At the sound of her mother's voice Abby looked up to see her. Her mommy sounded like an angel's voice to her, whispering softly in her little ears. And that was all the encouragement she needed.

"I said I will give you a thousand kisses, and give you lots and lots of bear hugs, and I will love you all the way to the moon and back to the earth a thousand times"

Meredith giggled at the seriousness of the little girl statement. "To the moon and back to the earth a thousand times… Huh?"

Little Abby nodded shyly.

"So what are you waiting for? I'm right here." Meredith said to her.

Abby didn't needed to much time to think about it, at the moment she heard her mom encouraging her, she ran to the edge of the bed, putting her doll on the bed and lifting her leg all the way to the bed supporting herself with her little hands, to try to climb it. The hospital bed was to high for her so she needed her daddy's help, who lifted her effortlessly and put her on the bed right beside her mommy.She hugged her mommy as hard as she could, trying to take all of her within her little arms.

Meredith responded by holding her back, while stroking her curly black hair and resting her nose on the little girl's head, breathing in her flowery scent. At the feel of the little girl in her arms, a nod started to form down her throat, and tears started to appear down her cheeks. First It was just one, a small one, but after that the flood gate was open and she just couldn't stop crying. And to her own surprise she was not the only one. When she looked up to meet Derek's eyes, he was crying too. But they weren't bitter tears, this time they were happy tears.

The loud sound of Derek's pager forced them all out from their emotional moment.

"I have a 911. I have to go. Abby do you want me to take you with aunt Izzie or…"

"I want my mommy" the little girl interrupted him.

"What?" Meredith responded in disbelief.

"I choose you, mommy." The little girl said while clinging to her more tightly. Literally breaking Mer's heart in two, but this time it wasn't in a bad way, but in a good way instead. Is it possible for somebody to break your heart in a good way?

"Are you sure about this, because it may take me a while…"

"We will be fine Derek. Besides we have lots to catch on. Don't we?"

Abby nodded happily wile bouncing up and down.

"Ok! I'll be back later then… You be a good girl… Remember mommy is still in recovery Ok. She can't chase you down the hallways like I do.?"

"I'll be a good girl."

"Ok!" And with that, Derek left the room, not without flashing one more smile to her. Letting mother and daughter to get to know each other for the first time in three years. They need this time together. Something inside his gut, like a soft whisper, was telling him that everything was going to be fine. They all will be fine.

**A/N About the medical stuff, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm just full of crap. For those of you who'd been wondering what made Mer leave town without telling Derek about the baby. This is it, this was her reason, this and the fact that Cristina brush her off on chapter 4, you might want to read that again. Personally I don't think this is a reason strong enough to not tell the father of your child he's going to be a dad, but it is strong enough for Mer. She obviously made things bigger in her mind, than they actually were, she just couldn't bare the fact of seeing him with Lexi. Especially because in that moment she was absolutely convinced that Lexi, unlike her, was going to be able to make him happy, and she just couldn't be a witness to that, so she panicked and ran away.**


	12. I Almost Gave Up

**I Almost Gave Up.**

"I heard man." Mark said to Derek, while walking together along one of the hospital hallways. "So how are you feeling?"

"I just… I can't believe it… I have to admit that I was already giving up… you know… and now…" Derek looked up… and with a startled expression… "Oh Shit!" He mumbled almost silently to himself and with a sudden movement he got inside the nearest linen closet, leaving Mark by himself.

"Yeah its quite unbelievable really, I mean…" Mark interrupted himself at the realization of him being alone… He turned around in confusion, not knowing exactly when or where, his friend disappeared on him…

"Chief" A feminine voice called his attention.

"Dr. Lowell" Mark replied to the attractive brunette female doctor standing in front of him.

"Have you seen Dr. Shepard?"

"Uhh…" He mumbled while the realization of the situation in front of him, hit him. "Not … really…" He said unsure not really knowing the reason he was protecting Derek, or from what.

"Oh… Ok…" The female doctor answered in disappointment. "I guess I'll page him then."

"You do that" Mark replied while watching the woman walk away from him.

He suddenly discovered the door leading to the linen's closet and entered it slowly, discovering Derek sitting in the floor with his back against the wall.

"What was that about?" Mark said cautiously.

"I… I don't' know"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Mark said fully entering the closet while closing the door behind him.

Derek rubbed his face all the way to his hair, running his fingers through it, with a conflicted expression.

"Were you hiding from Dr. Lowell?" Mark said inquiringly.

"No… Yes… Maybe."

"Make up you mind man! Which one is it?"

"We have a date." Derek said. "And… I'm taking her home."

"To… Dr. Lowell?" He said trying to sound completely cool and open minded about it but in reality he was confused and in complete shock. Meredith just woke up. Wasn't that the reason he was so miserable and whiny?

"No…!" Derek replied in annoyance. "Meredith…! Meredith will be released this afternoon, and I'm taking her home today… The date is with Dr. Lowell."

"You have a date with Dr Lowell?" Mark said trying to clarify things, getting more and more confused by the second. "With the pediatric cardiothoracic specialist hotie… You have a date."

"Yes"

"Tonight?"

"Yes"

"I guess all the hard work from all this years, finally paid off for her." Derek shot at him with the devil gaze. "Ok… So…" He said cautiously "You're taking Meredith home before or after your date with Lowell"

"Mark!" He said to his friend with an annoyed tone in his voice. "I didn't know."

"You didn't know." Mark replied starting to feel a little bit annoyed by Derek"

"No."

"You know what, man? You're gonna have to stop talking in Derek-code, because, guess what? You're the only one who can decipher it… So…"

"I didn't know she was gonna wake up."

"Meredith?" Mark said.

"Yes. She woke up. And I've been so distracted about that, that I completely forgot about the date."

"Oh… I see… If you knew she was waking up… You would've planned your date with Lowell some other day. That damn Grey had a terrible timing waking up like this, unannounced."

"No!" Derek replied even more annoyed. "I… I was just… Look Abby needed a mother desperately. I mean she ran away the other day. My three-year-old daughter was wandering in the streets alone, all of it because se wanted her mother. You know what she asked to Santa last Christmas?"

"What?"

"Nothing… Have you ever heard of a kid who wants nothing from Santa? No dolls, no the Barbie mansion… with the pool and the car… nothing… she just asked for Meredith to wake up… She needed a mother… So I just started to realize that maybe… Maybe she wasn't…" He interrupted himself. The sole mention of it made his heart ache. "You know… Maybe she wasn't going to wake up… I mean… three years is a lot of time. And Dr. Lowell… well she's nice and she's good with kids, being a mother herself, and she's attractive."

"Wildly attractive." Mark interrupted him.

"Mark! That's not the point… The point is that my daughter was in need of a mother, so I just thought that I should give it a chance."

"Man… just because your daughter needed a mother it doesn't mean she needed ANY mother… she needed HER mother."

"I know that Mark. I'm not stupid. I guess that in a way I almost gave up. And Abby needed a female figure. I mean… she should be stealing her mother's cosmetics and her stilettos, and clothes, making a mess with all her makeup and stuff, instead of going to the lake to fly fish with me and Lucas."

"Man I've seen you play tea party with Abby and her dolls, lots of times… You even let her put glittery nail polish in your nails and shit…" He said with and evil grin.

"Will you ever stop messing with me about that one"

"Derek Shepard performing a craniotomy with glitter in his nails is a priceless image. The kind of memory I'll take with me to my tomb. Unfortunately I didn't have a camera with me at the time. So I'm gonna have to rely on the memory alone... No physical evidence."

"Thank God for that one. Otherwise you would've publish it in a medical journal."

"Damn right I would" He said jokingly and paused for a moment trying to decipher his friend's thoughts. "So… about the date thing… there is no need for supplant-mommy, now that original-mommy just awoke."

"It's not that simple."

"It's not?"

"We haven't even got time to talk, the only reason she agreed to come home with us instead of going to her own house, was because Abby asked her, and I guess she couldn't say no to her."

"You know what man… I think you should stop making this thing about her, and start making it about you… so listen carefully because this is one of the few moments of wisdom you'll get from me. "Screw her."

"What?" Derek replied disbelievingly.

"Screw her. Screw Meredith."

"I heard you the first time. I'm just trying to figure out if you mean by that what I think you're meaning"

"Not this time… dreamy boy… This time I don't mean the dirty way… I mean the other way… Although the dirty way could work too."

"Is there more than one way to screw up a person?" He said in with a concerned fear.

"Stop playing dumb with me, you know what I mean. Whatever man… whatever she feels or thinks or does. Is not your damn business so stop being all concerned about it. The only thing that should matter to you is what YOU feel, what YOU think… Because that's the only thing you can control or at least pretend you do and start doing something about it. You love her man. You know you do. So dating another woman just because you're not sure where Meredith stands is not gonna help. So stop making this about her, and start acting on what YOU really want, despite her. Screw her!"

Derek sat there silently, letting Mark's speech sink in. "Are you just saying this because you've been trying to get in Dr. Lowell's pants since she got here?" Derek said suddenly.

"You know me so well" Both friends started laughing in complicity.

-

Christina has been pushing the wheel chair with Meredith in it, followed by little Abby. Who's been jumping excitedly from time to time. They are going towards the exit of the hospital, where Derek is supposed to meet them. And take Meredith home.

"Mommy, can I have a ride?"

"Of course you do my sunshine." Meredith tried to lift Abby, to put her in her lap, but her arms are still very weak. For her atrophied muscles, lifting Abby even with her small size has turned into quite a challenge.

"Let me" Christina said while approaching Abby, to put her in Meredith's lap.

"I want my mommy." She said with a pouted face.

"Yeah well… guess what you brat... I'm your only choice. Either you let me do it or you do it yourself… Which one is it?"

"Christina!" Meredith reprimanded her.

"She started it" Christina said to Meredith pointing out with her finger towards the little girl, giving her a mad glare.

"No I didn't"

"Oh… you so did"

"I did not"

"You…"

"Christina! Do you realize you're having a fight with a three-year-old."

"So...? That doesn't stop her from being all brat and annoying… besides she started it."

"Mommy!" Abby said to Meredith in a whiny tone.

"Don't pay attention to her my love."

"I want you to carry me." Abby said to her while crossing her arms in front of her chest, with a mad expression.

"Sweetie…" Meredith said to her in a calm voice. "Remember what I explained to you about my muscles being weak?"

Abby nodded innocently, making Christina to look at her with a disbelieving annoyance. "You said... they were trophied."

"Atrophied" Christina corrected her.

"That's what I said."

"No you didn't" Christina replied to the little girl, picking up a fight with her again.

"Yes I did."

"No you..."

"Christina!" Meredith interrupted her. "Would you please stop that?"

"She started it, again... You know what... whatever" Christina said getting even more annoyed.

"Abby... I can't lift you right now, baby. So how about you help mommy and let aunt Christina put you in my lap."

"Ok" Abby replied. Looking at Christina, expecting for her to do so.

"Christina." Meredith called her.

"Oh! Now you need me." She said rubbing it in Abby's face.

"My mommy is trophied."

"Whatever you punk." She said while putting her in Meredith's lap, as she went back to push Meredith's wheelchair towards the exit.

"So where's McDreamy." Christina said while securing Meredith's chair in the lobby of the hospital.

"I don't know... He was supposed to be here by now" Meredith replied.

"Ok... You know what I better go page him." Christina said, as she turned around leaving mother and daughter alone.

"Mommy?"

"What is it my baby?"

"Will you be going with me to daycare, for mother's day? All the other mommies will go." She said to Meredith flashing her eyelashes, trying to seduce her with those big expressive green eyes of hers.

"Of course I'll go with you Abby."

"Yay!" The little girls said while sliming herself down Meredith's lap, and started dancing around her mom's wheelchair excitedly.

"Can't wait to see my friend Kathy's face when she sees you. She didn't believe me when I said the fairy godmother woke you."

"She didn't?" Meredith replied trying to fake an indignant tone of voice.

Abby denied with her head with a very serious expression.

"Well that's a bigger reason for me to be there."

"Yes!" Abby started running around in happiness.

"Sweetie! Don't get far from me" Meredith yelled at her, when Abby got a little carried away, and ran away from Meredith. "Abby! Come back here" She continued. But in her excitement Abby kept getting farther from her.

Panic started to invade her when she noticed a woman with dark hair looking around and grabbing Abby by the arm. She was seemingly trying to make Abby following her, but the little girl refused and was trying to make the woman to let go of her arm.

"I'm with my mommy... I'm with my mommy." The little girl kept repeating to the woman.

Using all the strength she was capable of, Meredith managed to push the wheels of her chair until she got where her daughter had being trying to escape the dark haired woman.

"What's going on here?" Meredith said to the woman with a firm, almost menacing tone.

"Mommy!" Abby cried at her while finally rescuing her little arm from the woman's grip, and running towards Meredith.

The woman looked at Meredith disbelievingly, as if she were seeing a ghost. "You're..." The woman interrupted herself while pointing at Meredith. "You're..." She tried again. "You're Abby's mom?"

"I am" Meredith answered.

"See... I told you." Abby said to the woman using the 'You idiot.' tone, as she clung tightly to her mom's neck.

"I'm so sorry..." The woman said to Meredith while trying to put all the pieces together in her mind. "I thought she was wandering around all by herself. It wouldn't be the first time she does it. I was just trying to take her to Derek."

"Oh! So you are a Derek's friend" Meredith said trying to make it sound casual and indifferent.

"I am..." The woman replied, trying to keep her emotions in control. "Dr. Rose Lowell" She said to Meredith while extending her hand to shake Meredith's.

"Dr. Meredith Grey" Meredith replied while shaking the woman's hand.

"Daddy" The two women heard Abby yell, and both looked up to discover little Abby running towards Derek, who lifted her as a feather and rested her by her belly in his shoulder. Making the little girl giggle.

He must've felt his testicles climbing all the way up to his throat, and he was chocking with them, because he stood there immobile with a pale expression, trying to inhale some air. Watching at the two women together.

"Hey!" He managed to blurt out, while putting Abby on the ground.

"Hey!" Meredith replied. "Dr. Lowell and I were just getting acquainted." She said tying not to show her emotions but failing completely at it. Her tone of voice was accompanied with a slight hint of territorial jealousy. Which if he weren't in the most awkward position ever he would find it amusing.

"Derek!" She said looking at him with hurt and disappointment in her eyes, asking him with that single word, for an explanation.

"Can we talk?" He said to Dr. Lowell while pulling her arm, so they can talk privately.

Meredith watched as Derek took Dr. Lowell, away from her. And they were clearly discussing something. Why oh why did she never learn to read lips? This seemed as a perfect opportunity to use the skill.

"So... daddy and Dr. Lowell are good friends?" Meredith said to Abby, not really understanding why exactly was she trying to take out this information from her own daughter. It didn't seem right, but she was doing it anyways.

"She wants to be daddy's girlfriend... but she can't cause she looks like snow white's evil stepmother."

"I agree." She said feeling the wave of jealousy getting bigger by the second. Finding Abby giggling innocently.

"So if she wants to be his girlfriend, that means she's not his girlfriend already..."

"No mommy, don't be silly... He has a girlfriend."

"He does?" She said to the girl, almost chocking in her own words. "Do I know her?" She said a little afraid of Abby's answer but way to curious by now to let it go.

"Of course you do mommy... You are... You are daddy's girlfriend"

"I am?" She replied to her daughter in amusement, forgetting with that all about her jealousy. Having her heart melting at her daughter's innocence. Finding little Abby nod to her enthusiastically, as a reply to her mother's inquiry. "Good to know" Meredith said, as she returned her attention at Derek and Dr. Lowell, the woman seemed hurt, and Derek seemed guilty. She watched the woman walk away, as Derek started walking towards them.

As much as Meredith was trying to hide her jealousy, it was evident to Derek, she was furious. So he said the first thing that popped into his mind, to soften her. "Mer."

"Whatever Derek, you don't owe me an explanation." She said trying to sound uninterested, but it didn't sound like that... It sounded more like she was about to snap and attack him. "You know you shouldn't let me keep you. I could ask Christina to give me a ride, so you can stay here with your friend." She said empathizing the word, showing to him right there with that word, just how jealous she was.

"Mer... Stop that" He said gently to her, looking at her with all the love in the world.

"I'm just saying that..." He silenced her by putting his finger in her mouth.

"Stop it Mer." He said gently transforming his loving gaze for an amused one. "Are you jealous?"

"Oh... please"

"Don't get me wrong... I like it when you are jealous. It makes you pout. And I love how you flinch your mouth when you pout. I missed your pouting mouth." He said in his charming and flirtatious tone of voice.

"You know what...? Whatever..." She said in annoyance, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Abby sweetheart... why don't you go get some candy from that vending machine?" He said to his daughter as he gave her a few dollar bills.

"I don't think you should send her alone... She's too little"

"Mer she practically grew up in this hospital. She spends more time here than at home. She knows her way around here perfectly. She knows everybody, and everybody knows her. She's a very sociable girl. Besides we will be watching her... We need to talk."

"It can wait"

"No it doesn't. I will not leave any discussion for later... ever..." He said firmly to her, letting her know that the basis of their relationship will never be as they used to. "Go on princess, he encouraged Abby" He knew that would be enough to entertain Abby for a few minutes.

"Listen... we were supposed to have a date... Dr. Lowell and I."

"As I said... you don't need to explain."

"Would you please stop it already and let me explain!" He said in frustration. Finally getting Meredith's attention.

"I did it for Abby, she clearly needed a mother desperately. I already told you what she did, the day you woke up. So I realize that in order to do that, I needed to start dating. And today was supposed to be my first date with Dr. Lowell, but I already cancelled it. I should've done it before, but with all the excitement of you, waking up. I completely forgot. Please don't be mad."

"You shouldn't do that... Dr. Lowell seemed..." She said trying to look for the right term. "...nice... Why would you do that?"

"Do you really need to ask me why Mer?"

"Look Derek... I think you're right... We need to protect Abby. And getting involved in our romantic entanglements is too much. We know perfectly it can get ugly. I think we should take our time. I want to think with my head instead of making rushed decisions, as I used to."

"I agree... We should take our time... but that doesn't mean I won't tell you where I stand in this. And I want the whole thing. You need time? Guess what I have all the time in the world. I'll let you make your own decisions at your own pace. I'll wait. Damn Mer! I've waited for three years. As long as I have you around, I'm Ok."

"Here you are" They heard Christina, interrupting their conversation. "Am I interrupting something?" She said sensing the seriousness in the air.

"Not at all" Meredith said trying to sound casual.

"Mommy! Mommy! Look what I got" Abby yelled running towards Meredith.

"Abby... what have I said to you about yelling in the hospital"

"I'm sorry daddy" She replied innocently. "Mommy look." She whispered. Making Meredith giggle. "Bubble gum."

"You be careful with that. You don't want to lose a piece of your hair like the last time." Derek said to her.

"I'll be careful"

"Ok. Ready to go home?"

Meredith nodded to him, noticing how handsome he'd gotten over the years.

"Ok then" Derek said, smiling at her charmingly.

"Call me if you get tired of the little monster, I can get there and rescue you in no time" Christina said to her.

"Mommy!" Abby whined.

Christina portrayed in her faced a satisfied glare. She had so much pleasure at making Abby mad.

"Don't listen to her, she lost all her marbles as a child." Meredith said to her daughter, making the little girl giggle. "I would never get tired of you. You're my baby. Come here." She opened her arms and held her tightly.

Derek looked tenderly at how naturally mother and daughter had already bonded. This was a moment that he almost thought he would never get to see. "Ok then... lets go." He said as putting Abby in Meredith's lap, and started pushing the wheelchair, with his two most favorite girls in it. Finally the future was full of possibility, and good things for all of them.

**A/N So I wanted this chapter to be about Meredith. But some how it ended up being about Derek and his feelings. Can anybody explain to me why? Maybe I like him more than I would like to admit. I always consider myself a Mer fan, as suppose to a MerDer fan. But the MerDer thing comes naturally by being a Mer fan. So once again, I felt drawn to Derek, and made this chapter, again, about him.**


	13. Thank You

**Thank You.**

It was a quiet night. The moonlight was crawling through the window, dappling her white skin across her face and chest. She could hear the soft breaths of her daughter, curled up against her. Her daughter! Such a new word to her and yet so familiar. She was someone's mother. This beautiful, little girl snuggling against her body is her daughter. What an extraordinary statement! She's the most beautiful little person she's ever seen and she belongs to her. Abby finally fell asleep in her arms, and hopefully this time she would be asleep for good. Meredith should be sleeping too, she was extremely tired, but the memories of the events of the day prevented her from it, there were so much thoughts bashing through her head.

Today was quite an exciting day for all of them. Ever since they left the hospital, Abby kept talking and talking about all the things she wanted to show Meredith when they got home.

Meredith's heart shrunk, at the moment they arrived at Derek's land, she could see through the distance the beautiful piece of property. It was a beautiful house, painted all in white, overlooking the water, with a swing on the porch, a pool on the backyard and beautiful lavender fields surrounding it. It wasn't a big mansion; but it meant so much to her. It was a simple, one story, small and yet beautiful home. It was her dream house! He built that house thinking of her. He once asked her how did her dream house would look like, and there it was, right in front of her just the way she dreamt it. He confirmed it when he saw the look in her eyes. "I built this house for you... I dreamt about this day, so many nights... abut this moment... about the look in your eyes when you saw it... and non of them were close to this." he said to her, wiping the tear that just slide slowly through her cheek. She was in shock she didn't know what to say. What was she supposed to say?

Derek told her they moved to the property recently. It took a long time to get the house ready, just the way he wanted it for her. Before that, they used to live in Meredith's house. He explained to her that he decided to move there with the baby, because he wanted Abby to be close to her mommy's things, he wanted to make sure to give the little girl a sense of belonging.

Abby gave her the grand tour through the house, while Derek carried her around in his arms, from one room to another. Abby introduced her to the excessively excited Lucas, who barked and wagged his tail from time to time. Then she instructed to her daddy to take her mommy, to her overly pink bedroom where she introduced her to each and every one of her dolls by name, and told her breathlessly and excitedly all the stories she could remember about her dolls. Her daddy even had to remind her to breath between sentences. She just wanted to show her everything all at once and she was so happy to finally having her mommy home. She sowed Meredith her room and bragged about how she helped her daddy to get it ready for her.

Derek told her he would rearrange the furniture to give her more space to move around the house in the wheel chair. In the mean time, he was carrying her around the house.

The rest of the day went by peacefully. The three of them spent the day on the backyard by the pool, talking and having fun about simple things. Like an actual family, kind of like a habit as if they were talking like that since... forever, except this was the first time the three of them had actually done it. And it felt so good, so right.

Derek had already have installed some aquatic devices for her physical therapy. They both knew it was gonna be a long way before she completely regain her muscular strength, but Meredith didn't felt intimidated by it, if anything she felt as if she just had been given a second chance, maybe a third... but this time she had one of the most powerful reason a human being can have to wake up in the morning and make the best she can out of her regained existence. This time she had Abby.

Eventually the sky started to transform itself from a light clear blue, into a reddish mixed with purple-white, almost pink for moments. Reflecting all its grandness over the lake. Giving them an extraordinary view. Meredith felt so fortunate and so alive. The last time she saw something like that, she was wrapped in Derek's arms, covered only by a sheet back then on the trailer days. She hadn't talk about it with Derek, but she was pretty sure that that was the day when Abby was conceived.

The night surprised them enveloping them with a clear night sky covered with stars, and a big full moon.

Abby refused to sleep in her own bed, and despite Derek's resistance, the little girl managed to break her mother's heart, by clinging to Meredith as if her short life depended on it, as she cried out to her father begging him to let her sleep with her mommy.

Even though this was the kind of thing that could become a problem, which he expressed clearly to Meredith, seeing the little girl crying like that was too much to bear, so she joined her daughter in her plea to Derek. "Just this one night." She said to him, not wanting to interfere with the authority figure that Derek represented for their daughter, but not being able to help herself. Which made her wonder, how was she ever going to fit in this authority dynamic between father and daughter. For a moment there she couldn't help but to feel a little bit of a stranger, an intruder that just barged in their obvious happy world. She was a happy little girl, there was no doubt about that in Meredith's head, and it was all Derek's work.

Unexpectedly she started to hear some movement outside her room, her door was open, and all she could see from her point of view, not wanting to move to avoid waking up Abby, was Lucas tail crossing back and forth down the hallway outside her room, It seemed Derek was up because she could hear his door opened, and some bare foot steps coming her way. Suddenly he was leaning on her frame door.

"Are you ok? I didn't hear your snoring, so I assumed you couldn't sleep"

Meredith rolled her eyes, glancing a little bit annoyed to the baby monitor, Derek ridiculously insisted to put on her room. 'Just in case you need to call me' He said. As if she were a baby who needed to be monitored.

"No... I just... wanted to make sure she's really asleep this time... she kept waking up to poke my eyes with her little fingers and pull up my eyelids... I had to promise her I would be awake in the morning, when she wakes up." She said giggling softly looking down at the entangled mass of black curls, resting over her chest, as she ran her hand through them.

"I know... I heard her..."

"Of course you did..." She said in annoyance referring to the baby monitor.

"She's just scared of you falling asleep again and never wake up... she's gonna need some reassurance, that's all."

"Do you think we need to get her some professional help or something?"

"No... She just needs some time to realize that when you fall asleep, you will wake up this time." He said smiling at her.

"Are you sure? Coz'... the way she was crying a while ago. She broke my heart."

"It'll be fine... She needed you so much... she just has to understand that you're finally with her for real. She will get that in time."

"Ok...! I'm just no sure I'll know how to do this. What if I screw this up?"

"I felt the same way the first time they put her in my arms. Don't worry. It'll come to you. Plus, she's a very easygoing girl, and you're a natural."

"You think so?" She said to him with a hopeful look.

"I know so."

He smiled at her lovingly, and she couldn't help but to get lost within the sapphire of his gaze.

"Damn!" She mumbled to herself, looking to the sky, when she started to feel an urgency, the kind of urgency that she completely forgot about. And now that she thinks about it, it's the pretty embarrassing kind.

"What is it?"

"Oh God, please don't do this to me... please" She pleaded to the sky.

"What?" He said worried.

She had to tell him. What was she supposed to do? Just wait until something burst inside of her?

"Meredith?" He said urgently.

"I need to pee." She blurted as fast as she could not being able to look at him in the eyes, as she felt a rush of hotness crawling up through her cheeks.

He giggled in amusement of her evident embarrassment, as he walked towards her and started moving Abby out of the way, very gently. Making sure she wouldn't wake up.

"This is exactly why I insisted with the baby monitor. It would save you the trouble to yell at me in the middle of the night."

"Yeah... whatever" She said a little annoyed, as he picked her up to take her to the bathroom. There was no way she would admit to him, that the baby monitor thingy was going be of good use after all.

She almost forgot how good it felt to be in Derek's arms, and his smell, it was like a combination of his aftershave, Derek's own manly scent, and soap. He wasn't a man of cologne, as she wasn't a girl of perfumes. She missed his scent so much. She could clearly relive all those night after making love to him, just by smelling at him. Her hair always absorbed Derek's scent, and falling asleep with an intoxicating mixture of Derek's scent and lavender in her hair after making love to him was one of her favorite aftermath things, that... and the sense of security he always provided her afterwards. She loved that aroma, a whiff that could send her flying away, to reminisce all those moments that somehow made her life worth living despite all the bad in it. It was the scent of Meredith and Derek.

Derek sat her down on the toilet and squatted down in front of her. He was about to pull down her yoga pants when she stopped him.

"I got it from here."

"Are you sure? The hem of your pants seems pretty tight. You may not have the strength to pull it down."

She gave him an annoyed look, an almost pissed look. The one that said... 'Don't tell me what I can or can't do' look.

"Alright." He said, not wanting to loose his head, as he stood up and walked outside. "I'll be outside, just in case you have some trouble."

He closed the door behind him and started waiting patiently for Meredith to finish he looked at his watch, five minutes have passed, when he heard the sound of Meredith struggling with the hem of her pants. He pushed the door gently she had a red and tired up expression in her face. She difficultly had moved the hem of her pants a few inches down.

"C'mon! Let me help you, it's not like I haven't seen it before."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" She said giving him a surrendered look. He was right there was no way she could do it herself.

He squatted in front of her and grasped between his fingers the hem of her pants. He noticed how she took a deep breath in nervousness.

"I won't look." He said to her looking up while pulling down her pants and her panties.

His fingers tracing her skin while he was pulling down her pants and panties and the soft hair of his head was brushing her chest, sent a rush of blood through her body, as the sensation filled the skin of her back and the nape of her neck with goosebumps, she tried to breath normally but found it impossible. Her heart was attempting to explode inside her chest. By the time he left the room, she already had forgotten what was she doing there. Oh! Yes! Pee!

He gently carried her back to bed, and positioned her right beside Abby.

"Good night." He said to her, while brushing his lips gently towards her forehead. Damn! That felt so good. If he could just keep doing that a little bit lower.

He walked away, to leave the room.

"Derek!" She stopped him, making him turn to look at her. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." He said smiling back at her.

"No! I mean... thank you for this..." She said looking back at Abby. "I'm her mommy."

"Of course you are."

"What I mean is that I'm not a stranger to her... she knows me... she knows about me... she knows about the things I like... It's like if this three years between us, never existed... I'm her mommy... And for that... I have to thank YOU. You made this happen Derek. You encouraged this. So thank you." She said to him with watery eyes.

He walked back at her to gently brush out the tears from her eyes.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He said to her looking intensely through her eyes, as if he were trying to reach for her soul. "Good night Mer."

"Good night Derek" She responded as he walked out of her room.

She held her little baby as she nuzzled through Abby's hair absorbing her flowery scent. She closed her eyes and prepared herself to relax and fall asleep; when she heard it... there it was... a little snore coming from Abby.

"Oh! You have got to be kidding me." She said in shock, as she heard Derek's giggles exploding across the hallway.

**A/N So you may think that the part where Mer couldn't pull down her own pants, was an exaggeration. But this, I do know for sure. I had a lesion in my brain two years ago that left me with weakness on my left arm, and I can assure you that things as simple as lifting a glass of water can be extremely difficult, things can feel extremely heavy. It took me a whole year of physical therapy to regain the strength in my arm. Of course Mer's weakness is not because of a lesion, but for lack of movement. So she will recover faster. So there you have it. I'm not very happy about this chapter because for some reason I just couldn't made this chapter flow they way I would wanted to. I rewrote it 3 times. So... I'm sorry, but this is what came out.**


	14. Meri!

**Meri!**

"_I had a great time." She said to him holding her keys in her right hand, and resting the other one in the doorknob of the main entrance to her home. _

"_So do I" Derek answered, trying to convince himself of the truthfulness of that statement._

_But the black haired woman in front of him knew better. She'd been scrutinizing him the whole night. Neither of them were stupid, he knew she knew he tried to hard along the night faking smiles and interest towards the conversation... If anyone quizzed him right now about what was said, he'd failed completely. He found himself several times during their date, thinking of her. No matter how hard he tried to force his mind to come back to the reality of the here and now, it always went back to her, his Meredith. _

"_You're lying."_

"_I am?"_

"_Why did you asked me out Derek?" Lexie turned to him before getting across the front door of her house, right after she opened the door with her keys. _

_It was late and the lights of the house were turned off. _

"_I... I don't... I just... I... I'm sorry... I made a mistake..." He said sliding his hand through his raven hair curls... looking to the ground not having the strength to meet her eyes..._

"_Good night Dr. Shepard" Distancing herself from him, and ending with that statement something that never really begun. As she entered the dark threshold of her house…_

_-_

Meredith Grey had been sitting on a garden chair, right beside the pool, quietly observing... to the very giggly couple in front of her... Father and daughter were enjoying each other playing what it appeared to be Abby's favorite pool game, which basically consisted in being held way up in the air by Derek and being thrown into the water.

The three of them had a good breakfast in the morning prepared by Derek, whom turned out to be an excellent cook, It's funny how in all the time they were together before Abby's birth she never knew about Derek's cooking skills, until now... And now the three of them were spending a nice afternoon at the pool...

It's been four weeks since Derek took Meredith home... It should be awkward for her to call this place home since technically it's Derek's place... but that's exactly how it felt... It felt like home... She'd been doing her therapy each day and had regained a lot of her muscular strength... She can't walk by herself yet but she can do it with the help of a walker, which gave her back her sense of independence and self control.

During the past weeks, she'd been witnessing what a great father Derek is... He's done a great job raising Abby all by himself... She's a sweet, loving, docile but yet with a mind of her own, unafraid to speak up her own mind, sociable and happy beautiful little girl... Sure she'd thrown a tantrum here and there like any other child, but Derek knew how to use the exact words and the exact tones of voice, calm but yet firm, to appease her...

Watching them together was making Meredith feeling somewhat guilty, knowing she tried to keep her daughter away from him... Thank God he fought for them and found them... Keeping Abby from her father, would've been a terrible mistake, she knows that now...

"Mommy look at me... I'm flying" Little Abby yelled while Derek thrown her through the air and she crashed against the water, splashing big drops around her landing point. She was a great swimmer at her young age, one more of Derek's accomplishments.

"I can see you sweetie." Meredith yelled to the very giggly Abby that emerged from the water...

"Daddy! Daddy! Now it's mommy's turn" Abby yelled, making Derek turn at her with a mischievous look, and before she could realize what was happening he was carrying her in his arms and was jumping into the water, dragging her along...

They both surfaced breathless from the water... as Derek held her tightly form her waist, she was doing better but she still was a little weak and he didn't wanted her to get tired trying to keep herself afloat.

"Oh! Derek..!" Meredith hit Derek in the chest feigning madness... "You just ruined my new shoes... and my dress..."

Abby was extremely amused by her very wet mommy and was laughing uncontrollably...

"And what are you laughing at little bug?" She said jokingly to her daughter... "Just wait until I get to you..." She said trying to free herself from Derek's embrace but she just caused him to tighten his arms around her. There was no way he was gonna let her go that easily...

Abby started to swim away from her parents, screaming and laughing in excitement at Meredith's attempts to catch her...

"Hey! Where are you going? Come back here Missy!"

Suddenly Derek sunk himself into the bottom of the pool pulling her down with him not even giving her time to fight against it... By the time they came out of the water breathless, Abby was already out of the pool in her pink bikini with white little dots, ready to run in case her mother succeeded in freeing herself from her daddy... She was giggling and jumping excitedly when a sudden idea popped into her mind and the little girl started running towards the house...

"Hey! Hey! Stop right there! What have I told you about running while you're wet?" Derek said at her firmly... Making Abby stopped her tracks and turn around...

"I'm gonna get the water guns, I wanna play 'water war'." She said coyly...

"Ok then... put on your robe and your sandals... I don't want you dripping inside the house." She obeyed her father, putting her shoes and robe as fast as she could, not having the patience to do it calmly... She wanted those guns now... She was about to speed up towards the house, when Derek stopped her as if he could read her mind...

"And please walk... I don't want you to get hurt..."

The little girl had no choice but to walk towards the house even though something inside her was urging her to run... making Meredith giggle at the obvious desperation of her daughter...

They both watched Abby walk inside the house...

"I think I should get out too..." Meredith said pushing Derek away...

But he just tightened his grip... She watched his eyes darken in a matter of seconds making her lower her eyes in nervousness, as she bit her lower lip...

"Derek!" She whispered as a plea...

He didn't listen he couldn't... It's been too long and he just couldn't stop himself no more... all he could do... all it was left to for him, was to pull her soaked body closer to his... He needed to feel her heart against his... Her upright nipples were almost visible through the wetness of her cotton dress as if she were wearing a transparent sheath... a few water drips were slowly running across her chest, hiding themselves within the plumpness of her breasts.

He tilted his head searching for her eyes... he neared his face to hers, trying to make her look up... she finally complied knowing there was no point in trying to resist him and locked her eyes with his... knowing right then that she wouldn't be able to stop herself either... They stared at each other for a few seconds... needless of words to express what they wanted to say...

His blue eyes wandered from her greens along her creamy white freckled skin until they lingered in her soft rosy lips, taunting him half open… His hand traveled to her face and with the soft pad of his thumb he wetly traced the line of her yielding lower lip, savoring in anticipation the moment he yearned for so long, as a faint smile appeared in his features...

The orbs of her eyes traveled upwards as her eyelids fanned half way down, relishing on the searing feeling trying to ease her increasingly raging breath. As she entangled her fingertips with the wet curls at the back of his head running through them softly.

He kept nearing his lips against hers, inch by inch he finally landed on his target and remained there for a few seconds delighting himself in the warmth and sweetness of her breath against his... Leisurely, he deliciously feathered his lips through hers, trying to prolong the moment... He finally couldn't take it anymore and started licking, and nibbling, and sucking at her bottom lip hungrily, while he pressed his body against hers, trapping her between the corner of the pool and him… The intensity of the kiss started to escalate itself rapidly... As if both of them were pouring in it so many emotions and restrained feelings... She parted her lips inciting him to enter her mouth with his luscious tongue...

Suddenly they heard a strong thump, followed by Abby's pained scream... They both turned around and discovered the little girl laying on the floor crying in pain looking at her parents with watery eyes...

Derek almost flew from the pool towards the kid, and lifted her in his arms... by the time he turned around to place her in one of the garden chairs to examine her, Meredith had managed to get herself out of the pool and with the help of her walker, she was heading towards the crying little Abby, worriedly...

At the sight of her approaching mother, Abby extended her arms through the air expecting for Meredith to console her...

"Mo...mm...y..." She cried out between sobs... as Derek was watching for any sign of a head injury...

"I'm right here baby girl." She said as she finally sat beside her daughter taking her in her arms immediately...

"Shh! Shh! It's ok... Nothing happened." She said reassuringly, as Derek was observing the child's pupils.

"Did you hit your head?" Meredith inquired her and little Abby, curled up in her lap, nodded with her face buried in her mother's chest as she kept crying... more by the scare than from the physical pain of it... "Show me where..." Meredith said to her as the weeping girl put her little hand in the back of her head... She caressed the back of her head and fondled at the spot, her child just pointed out...

"I can feel a little bump... Do you think we should take her to the hospital for a CAT scan..."

"I don't see any reason why... It's nothing... she just got scared." He said as Abby started to calm herself within the security of her mothers embrace.

"Do you see my princess?" He said lovingly. "That's why I keep telling you not to run when the floor is wet." Little Abby looked at her father while a few tears kept running through her cheeks. He dried her eyes with his thumbs and kissed her forehead... As he looked up at Meredith in complicity, making her blush a little as she kissed her daughter on the head...

The rest of the afternoon went by uneventful, Abby was not showing any sign that lead them to believe the fall she had earlier was a serious one, the little girl forgot all about the past event rapidly, and she was happily playing with her dolls sitting on the grass... while her parents were watching her from the shade. Both of them were stealing glances every now and then, smiling at each other elatedly while they entangled their fingers, caressing them softly having a wordless conversation.

"I'm sorry." She finally broke the silence, as he looked at her puzzled.

"I was gonna tell you... I went to Joe's looking for you... I wanted to tell you... about our baby..."

The last word caught Derek's attention, understanding right away the seriousness of the moment...

"But then... I saw you... you took her to our spot..."

He didn't realized Meredith saw them... she saw him with her sister...

"Meredith..."

"No... Let me finish... I should've told you about the baby, no matter what... you had a right to know... I just... I was scared... and I... I'm an avoider... I avoid... so that's exactly what I did... I ran... I went home... I packed my stuff... I bought a ticket for the first flight that would take me away from you... and then... one day I was sitting all alone, having a meal in my apartment... and it hit me... I realized what a huge mistake I was making, trying to keep you apart from her and I... I was on my way back here... and I was gonna tell you, even if it was too late... even if you were already happily married with a white picked fence thingy or whatever, and a kid on the way..." He chucked softly at her final statement. "I was gonna tell you... and I guess... the accident happened... I'm not sure cuz I don't... I can't remember any of that... and I..." She said as a few tears started to fall down her cheeks... "I keep thinking... What would've happened to our girl if you wouldn't found us? Where would she be right now?"

"Oh Meredith!!!" He said softly as he took her in his arms and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you for not giving up on us... I guess along the way I just lost my ability to trust you... and I'm sorry..."

"No... I'm the one that is sorry... You're right... you didn't trust me... but I was the one to blame for that... I didn't realize that, back then... but I know that now... I was expecting a lot of things from you and I forgot all about the day I broke your trust in me... and I'm sorry Meredith... When you disappeared I had a lot of time to think about that... and I promised myself that if I ever found you I would've spent the rest of my life earning your trust... I would've found you anywhere Meredith... I would've gone through hell if that were what it took... I would've never give up on you... because you... Meredith Grey... you... are worth fighting for...

"Grandpa" They heard Abby yell breaking the moment...

Meredith turned as she saw Abby running towards Thatcher who was walking on the way to her, with a half happy half desperate expression followed closely by Lexie...

Meredith turned to Derek accusingly... "Derek!"

This is not how he wanted her to find out he let Abby build a relationship with Thatcher.

"Look grandpa... look... mommy is here" Little Abby told Thatcher as he kept walking towards Meredith with determination.

Before she realized what was going on Thatcher reached her and embraced her strongly... taking her by surprise. "Meri!" He said to her crying... "I'm sorry baby... I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry... I know you told me to wait... I tried to hide it from him, but he kept insisting he wanted me to take him to the hospital to visit Meredith... so I had to tell him..." Lexie said to Derek apologetically...

Meredith didn't know what to think or feel, she didn't even quite understood what was going on... she was so surprised, and confused, and mad... especially mad... "Derek!" She questioned him again with disappointment in her eyes... she pushed Thatcher away freeing herself from him and stepped back...

"I'm sorry... I'm... I... I... I'm not feeling well..." She said breathing heavily, as she took her walker and started walking towards the house as fast as she could...

**A/N Ok guys... Here it is... finally... Yay!!!! I'm sorry for the delay... but a lot happened in my 3D life, and I just couldn't update... I was supposed to have this ready a few days earlier, but stupid me... lost all the update when it was more than half way done, within the confines of my laptop... I mean... Seriously! I haven't been able to update in more than a month and just when I'm almost finishing my update, I erased it, and I'm not even aware of how it happened exactly... All I know is that the shock was so big that I didn't know if I should cry or laugh... I actually stared at my monitor for hours... completely unable to move... Wha? So I had to start all over again... but here it is... Just in time for Christmas... I really hope you enjoyed it... HAPPY HOLIDAYS GUYS! I'll see you next year...**


	15. Daddy's Little Girl

**A/N Ok guys I hope It doesn't get to confusing... this was complicated to write... italics are flash backs. ****I don't usually use songs for my updates but this time, it seemed right. So the song is "Different Stars" by Trespassers William.**

**Daddy's little girl...**

"Mommy!!! Mommy!!!"

Terrified screams woke her up in the middle of the night... followed by Lucas loud barks coming from the little Abby's room, who couldn't stand to watch the girl in distress. Meredith ran as fast as she could, considering her muscular limitations supporting herself in her walker, to her daughter's room.

-

"_Daddy!!! Daddy!!!" Little Meri Grey cried out in fear in the middle of a dark windy night in Seattle. _

_The moonlight slid through the window crawling up the bed embracing the frightened little girl, with terrifying forms of light and shadow. Her face remained hidden under the covers as one big green eye peeked from its soft shelter staring at the dark threshold within her closet._

_-_

"I'm right here my sweetheart" Meredith said as she entered the room...

Lucas was standing at the foot of the bed, taping his paws to the floor nervously waiting for someone to attend Abby's cries... as the wagging of his tail thump too many times to one of the four poles cornering Abby's princess shaped bed.

"Mo...mmy..." Little Abby cried out, extending her arms to her mother...

"What's wrong baby?" Meredith said with a worried expression as she sat beside her sobbing daughter and hold her tightly...

-

_Suddenly a manly figure opened little Meri's door, letting a gleam of light crawl inside the bedroom. _

"_Daddy!!!" The blond little girl, in her Winnie-Pooh jammies, cried out in relief as she saw her father appearance through her door. A younger Thatcher Grey sprinted to his crying daughter and took her into a strong embrace._

"_Shhh!!! Shhh!!! I'm right here my princess..." He said to her in reassurance, as the blond honey haired little girl cried out as she clung to her daddy's neck strongly._

_-_

"You wer... slee...ping ... I could...n't... wake... you..." Abby said to her mother between a cascade of emotions pouring out of her...

"Sweetie it was just a bad dream..." Meredith said soothingly, caressing Abby's back.

-

"_The.. clo..set mon..ster.. took.. you.. away.. and.. I.. was.. left.. all.. a..lone..." Meri blubbered inconsolably._

"_Oh! Meri! There is no closet monster! You were just having a nightmare." Her dad soothed her... _

_-_

"I.. don't... want... you... sleep...ing... again..." Abby sobbed burring her head in Mer's chest, as she embraced as tightly as she could, stretching her little arms as much as she could...

"I will not go back to sleep like that again... I already told you that... I'll just sleep like normal people but you can always wake me up."

"But... but... what if your bdain gets sick again and needs more sleepy time?" Abby said more calmed.

"My brain does not need more sleepy time, it slept enough... it will be no more sleepy time for my brain. I'm right here with you... I'm wide awake now... and I won't be going anywhere." She said firmly, to give her daughter a sense of security.

-

"_You see? There is nothing here..." Thatcher said as he turned on the lights inside the closet to prove his point._

"_But... It was there... I saw it... I was all alone..." She said between sobs... as Thatcher returned back to bed with her._

"_Baby that's impossible...No monster could ever keep us apart... You're my little princess... I would never... ever leave you..." He said as he dried her tears lovingly with his thumbs..._

_-_

"Promise?" Little Abby searched for reassurance... She needed to make sure one more time that her mommy wasn't going anywhere.

Meredith thought about it for a second, about what would be her reply to that, she knew too well that certain promises can't be kept no matter how much you want to... things happen... people get sick... people get old... people die... but Abby was to little to understand all that... How can she explain to the tiny child in her arms, that mommy and daddy will not be around forever, nobody will...

"I Promise." She said with all the conviction she was capable of, hoping... praying to whatever bigger entity was out there... to please... please... help her keep that promise to her daughter, at least until she gets to be an adult...

"Close your eyes now. I'll close my eyes too, but you can always wake me up... Ok?" Little Abby nodded to her mother as Meredith got inside the covers, Abby moved her little body to the side to give her some space to make herself fit inside the tiny girl's princess bed. She snuggled her face in Meredith's chest, and rested and arm and her little leg over her mommy's body, as she yawned in tiredness and closed her eyes, after a few seconds the little girl took her little thumb into her mouth and started suckling, stealing a tender chuckle from Meredith.

Lucas settled himself comfortably on his rug at the foot of Abby's bed, as he yawned widely and rested his snout over his rug, and covered it crossing his furry paws on top of it.

-

"_Promise? Promise?" Meri asked Thatcher in fear... knowing that if her daddy promised her it would have to be true... her daddy would never ever lied to her..._

"_Promise... Promise..." He said looking at her straight in the eyes... "Go back to sleep now..." _

"_Will you sing me a song?" Meri asked him innocently. _

"_Sure I would" He replied as he tucked her inside the covers._

_**So you'd sing a lullaby to get me to sleep**_

_**So it's no surprise my eyes are never heavy**_

_**-**_

Meredith lied there caressing Abby's head, sliding her fingers softy through the little girl's entangled black curls. There were so many thoughts bombarding her, inside her head. I had been a stressful day, her dad and sister showed up today... she panicked... she ran... she was sweaty and shaky... her heart about to explode... she couldn't breath... she couldn't think... Derek sat beside her, he rubbed her back and offered a shoulder for her to cry, he whispered softly and soothingly... the way he's done before...

_Slow deep breaths..._

Abby was scared, she wanted to stop for her daughter but it was too much... too many emotions, too many memories... Once she calmed down, Derek tried to explain himself he seemed nervous and guilty... She didn't know how to feel about that... He let her little girl to be around Thatcher. Was it wrong to feel betrayed? Abby seemed to like him... She used to liked him too when she was her age until everything changed. She hoped Thatcher wouldn't end up hurting Abby. Derek didn't get to explain anything... he got a 911 page, he had to go... leaving her alone with Abby for the first time since she came back from the darkness... He called earlier it seemed to be a complicated surgery. For the first time, it was just Abby and her trough the night and probably all morning. She lied there, with her most precious treasure curled up between her arms, lost in her own thoughts

_**For I've not seen you in the flesh for so long**_

_**That I'm not sure we would know each other at all**_

_-_

"_What the hell were you thinking Meredith." Ellis said harshly to her 13 year-old daughter, as soon as she spotted her..._

"_We found her alone trying to board a bus to Seattle." A uniformed police officer said to Ellis, assuming she was the girl's mother. _

_Sitting on a chair in the police office, a slouched pink haired girl with sadness in her eyes, and too much make up for her age. She bit her middle finger nail, flashing her braces, at the sight of an infuriate Ellis. _

_She tried to took off this morning wearing nothing but and old male polo sweater dwarfing her tiny frame, a washed off pair of jeans, an old pic of Thatcher and Ellis standing beside a tree watching her played with her red wagon, and her ragged lavender back pack._

"_I have more important things to do, that to waste the rest of my afternoon in the police office because of you... I have lives to save... and I swear Meredith... If I see you one more time wearing that ugly sweater, I'll burn it myself." She said as she took Meredith's arm and pulled her up to take her home... _

_**Oh the weight it must be light wherever you are**_

_**And I know you don't think twice wherever you are**_

_Meredith pulled her arm off from Ellis, with tears in her eyes... "I want my dad... I don't want you... I want to live with him..."_

"_Jesus Meredith, when will you realize he doesn't give a damn about you... he never calls... never writes... he haven't come to visit, not once... It's about time you learn life is not a fairy-tale, we don't always get to have what we want. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm the only family you have... now lets go now... I have another surgery scheduled, and you caused me enough trouble already"_

"_You're a liar... he loves me... I know he does... one day he's gonna come for me... you just want to keep him away from me... you're evil... I hate you Ellis..." Meredith yelled as she ran away crying harshly. _

_**Oh the weight it must be light wherever you are**_

_**And I know you don't think twice wherever you are**_

_-_

The morning came up early for Meredith and Abby and she was trying to be all motherly, without Derek coming up to the rescue... How hard can that be... right?

"No mommy you're doing it wrong..." Abby pointed out at the way Meredith was tying up Abby's shoelaces.

"I am?"

"That's not how daddy does it."

"It's not!"

"No... look..." Abby said taking the shoelaces of her snickers with her little hands, and tried to make two bunny ears with them. "He swoops... loops... and... pulls..." she said trying to do the motions with her own little chubby hands, but tying her own shoelaces was still a complicated task for a 3 year old.

"Ok... Ok I got it... here it goes..." Meredith said shaping the bunny ears with the laces... "Swoop... loop and pull..." She said while tying the nod... "Is that ok?" Abby nodded happily... "Ok... then... lets do your hair now..." She said taking the brush in her hand...

"I want braids..." Little Abby said while running her little hand through her hair.

"You want braids?" Meredith said with a little bit of panic in her voice.

"Two" She said holding way up in front of her mother, her little hand with two fingers up, symbolizing the number...

"You want two braids?" with more panic.

"Mmhhhhmmm." Abby nodded... up and down... up and down...

_Crap!_

"Sweetie... Wouldn't you prefer a pony-tail? Or how about if you let it loose... like mommy... you have a way to gorgeous hair to tie it up..."

"Mmmmm." Little Abby said while looking up considering, very seriously, her mother's proposal... "Ok..." She stated simply.

"Ok... then." Meredith said relieved, she definitely must ask Derek to give her some braiding lessons. "Now lets get some breakfast."

"I want pancakes."

"Of course you do." Meredith mumbled to herself. There should be some instructions on the box... right? "Let's go Lucas... breakfast" She said as the light-cream dog, follow them eagerly.

By some sort of miracle, she managed to cook the pancakes without burning down the kitchen. She didn't seem to do it too bad because Abby was chewing happily a big chunk of, maple syrup, soaked pancake, with no complaints at all, as Lucas ate from his bowl on a corner of the kitchen.

Meredith chuckled at the sight of Abby's overstuffed little mouth, and the syrup covering half her face.

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby."

"Are you mad at grampa?"

That was a tough question, but she wasn't gonna lie to her.

"Yes baby... I'm mad at him." She said earnestly.

-

"_She had an affair."_

"_Ye- yes."_

_-_

"Why? Was he a baaad grampa?" Abby asked.

"No... But he was a bad daddy." Meredith replied in the same tone her daughter used.

-

"_Why didn't you stay and fight for us?"_

"_I did. I tried."_

_-_

"Well... ask him to apwolodize... daddy says we should apwolodize when we do wrong." Little Abby said naturally.

"Yeah! I'll do just that." Meredith said, touched at the innocence of her daughter.

-

"_Why didn't you try harder? You just left."_

"_Meredith. Is there anything you need? Anything at all?"_

_-_

"I like grampa."

"I know you do my love... I know you do."

Suddenly they heard the door-bell, Meredith stood up to open the door, followed by, an always excited to have visits, Lucas. She found Thatcher standing behind the door, as she opened it.

-

"_No. … I don't need anything from you."_

_-_

She didn't have time to notice about it the day before, but he was skinnier and older. Life didn't seemed to treated him that well during the past three years...

"Meri... Please don't run... I... I want another chance... I NEED another chance... I want to start over... "

-

"_Is there a drawer of unopened cards somewhere?"_

_-_

"You never came for me... I waited for you and you never came."

"I'm here now..."

_**So I will hum alone, too far from you**_

_**All that I say now is nothing to you**_

-

"_I just wanted to know. I've only ever heard my mother's version of the story of why you left. I'm just wondering if maybe you have a side that I haven't heard."_

"_Your mother moved to Boston and...I wanted to...but she told me not to call or come around...she was...eventually I remarried and I...I'm sorry."_

_-_

"It's too late."

"I'm ready to fight for us now... and you're probably right, maybe it's too late... but still... I'm fighting..." He said as he caressed her cheek...

She watched him turned away and walk to Lexie waiting for him in the car. He walked slowly, as he panted heavily. Lexie got out of the car to help him get inside.

_**We will lie under different stars**_

_**I am where I am and you're where you are, you're where you are.**_

_The house was dark, the only light perceptible was the one coming from the fire on the leaving room of the house. Derek put off his jacket and briefcase, and walked toward the light. _

"_Meredith" He said to her as she sat silently in front of the fireplace drinking a glass of wine, with sadness in her eyes..._

"_I'm sorry it took so long... the ER was a butcher's place." He said approaching her cautiously searching for her eyes... trying to figure out her mood._

"_Thatcher showed up again today." She said with her gaze lost in the flames in front of her._

"_I... I'm really sorry about that... He's a different man now... He's changed a lot... and he was the only link we had with you so I... I just thought it was the best for Abby..."_

"_I know... I know you did..." She said insightfully. _

_She finally turned to look at him not able to restrain one more second the _pouring storm attempting to fall down her cheeks, as if she could finally relay on someone after a whole day, more of a life time of holding back.

_**Oh the weight it must be light wherever you are**_

_**And I know you don' t think twice wherever you are**_

"Will you please hold me." She said bursting into tears.

He was right beside her in a second holding her lovingly as she buried her face on his chest and clung to his sweater and sobbed real hard for what it seemed like hours. She cried for all the pain and emotions she held back her whole life, as if she were a small child... she cried for relief... to finally let go...

"My daddy left and never came back." Spoke the broken little girl inside her.

"I know."

"_I want to be better for her... I want to let go off my baggage for her." She said in earnest looking up to him._

"_I know you do..."_

"_What's wrong with him?" _

"_His diabetes caused him renal failure... his in dialysis now, waiting for a transplant"_

_She buried back her face in the crook of his neck as he caressed her back softly warming themselves up into the heat of the fireplace in front of them. _

_**And I'd ask if you're all right wherever you are**_

_**And do you think of me, you might, wherever you are.**_

_**-**_

**A/N Sorry for the delay... this chapter was kind of hard to write... I was really avoiding to get to this point... somehow I ended up making it about my own dad... I grew up without him, and I can admit today that I really really needed him, and yes I have lots of daddy issues. That's something Mer and I share. I guess that's why I get her so much... **


	16. I Want to Live Life

**A/N. This update has some sexual content.**

**I Want to Live life.**

Lost in thoughts, staring in silence at the fire flames dancing in front of him, reflecting its colors upon his face. The weight of her head on top of his shoulder was a reminder of her snuggling body against him. She cried, until exhaustion catch up with her and a deep sleep followed. Loud snores echoed through the room, snoring was good, snoring became into a delightful symphony for his ears. It meant she was alive and breathing. It meant she was with him. Her face seemed relaxed and calmed. Today she gave a huge step, she opened up to him and she poured out her feelings. Today was one good day of many that will follow, he was sure.

Tenderly Derek looked down at her and ran his fingers softly through her hair. Having her like that, with him, seemed like a dream, he thought this day would never come and just when he let go this idea of having her back, she opened her eyes. There were still nights when he would wake up, sweaty and agitated, he had to go to her room and watch her sleep, he needed to make sure it was for real, as if he were a three year old. He needed to smell her, to touch her, to watch her breathe.

Little Abby was not the only one having trouble accepting her presence was not a dream. Her lavender smell, her voice, all her things around the house were not in his brain anymore. There used to be nights, lonely nights, when he smelled her essence but she wasn't there. They've come a long way together. They both made a lot of mistakes. They both failed at trying to understand the other, but they never succeeded at stop loving each other, no matter how much they tried.

He looked at her again he couldn't stop looking at her. He finally decided it was time for bed so he lifted her in his arms gently trying not to wake her, Derek stopped when he felt her stir a little between his arms, and continued his way to her room.

He entered the room, enlightened only by the reflection of the moon, carrying her in his arms and laid her gently on the bed and sat beside her. He smiled softly as she snuggled into the pillow. He took off her shoes, and pulled the covers on top of her body. He watched her breathe adoringly for a moment, he leaned to her and brushed his lips through her forehead, he straighten up and was about to stand up, when he felt his wrist being pulled softly.

**I want to live life, and never be cruel**

**I wanna live life, and be good to you  **

He turned his face and met her pleading eyes pulling his arm against her. There were no need for words; one look at each other was all it took. It was as if someone had opened a dam's gate that's been closed for years, and all those feelings pushed out through the surface, with all the force they were capable off.

Everything happened too fast to be registered, he didn't realized how but Derek was laying down on his back while Meredith was straddling his waist, as she kissed him desperately, furiously, she bit and nip his lips achingly, she pulled his dark hair harshly, frantically. It's been too long. It was too much to be controlled. Shaky hands traveled down anxiously to Derek's pants, and fumbled with his belt getting more and more anxious at her inability to complete her task rapidly, if she had the strength she would've ripped those pants apart, but she couldn't and her frustration was getting the best of her.

"Hey... Hey... Hey... " Derek's voice resounded softly in the room but she didn't seemed to listen.

She felt his hands, slide softly through hers stopping her from her frantic mission, forcing her to look up finding in him a soft smile. "Hey, slow down." He said almost in a whisper. She felt a rush of embarrassment when she realized how desperate she'd been and she tried to move but Derek hold her hips keeping her in place.

"I'm sorry... I just... I don't know what happened to me." She said looking down avoiding his gaze.

"Please do not apologize... I just... it's been too long... I want to love you slowly... I want to feel you... I want to see you... please let me see you..."

**And I wanna fly **

**I'll never come down **

**And live my life **

**And have friends around  **

Gently he laid her on her back, and watched her in amazement.

"Life is too short, and I don't want to miss another second of it"

"Me neither," He said as he slowly started to peel her clothes off, until she was completely naked. His gaze traveled through every valley of her body, rediscovering, every spot, every mark, every freckle, remembering vividly the map on her skin, the map he knows by heart with eyes closed. His eyes traveled downwards as he spotted a new chapter on the history of her, way too many times battered body. He softly trailed with his thumb, the path across the C-section scar, a physical reminder of Abby's first contact with the world, Meredith rested her hands on top of his as he explored the horizontal mark, right over the soft vee of her femininity, appreciating it for what it represented to them, suddenly he rested his cheek on top of it, as she ran her hands through his hair softly, smiling gently at him.

"You are soo beautiful to me Meredith."

"You make me beautiful."

He lifted his head, to lock eyes with her smiling tenderly.

**We never change do we no, no **

**We never learn do we **

"Lay your hands on me Derek."

He put his face back on her belly and nuzzled gently trough her skin, breathing in its scent, brushing his stubble over and over leaving a trace on her delicate skin. Slowly, eager hands traveled across her skin, through the softness of her belly, along the curve of her slim waist, from the top of her torso his hands traveled down, brushing the plumpness of her breasts along the way with his thumbs all the way to her hipbone. He trailed the length of her leg with the tip of his fingers, he stopped a moment on her knee and continued his way up her long leg. He sat up on his knees between her legs, looking over Meredith's naked body laying in front of him.

**So I wanna live, in**** a wooden house **

**I wanna live life, and always be true **

**I wanna live life, and be good to you  **

She sat back up, enveloping his body with hers, his arms wrapped her slender back and his hands caressed her back softly, drawing patterns with the tip of his fingers, sending shivers all over her body and tingly sensations inside her depths. Their lips found their way back together, they kissed deeply and longingly, tasting, savoring each other meshing their breaths into one, their tongues danced harmoniously, as she helped him to get rid of his own clothes. She caressed softly the firm muscles on his abdomen.

**And I wanna fly **

**But never come down **

**And live my life **

**And have friends around**

Two naked bodies wrapped up into each other. Meredith pressed her breasts against him, brushing her erect nipples against his bare chest. She put her arms around his neck and hid her face on his neck. Trying to slow down her breaths, and the beating of her heart, attempting to explode inside of her. He kissed her neck, traveling down to her plump and soft breasts, making her arch her back at the rush of different sensations inside of her. He buried his face in the valley of her breasts. He licked and touched and squished and sucked over an over again at the pink tip of her nipple making her quiver in pleasure. He rubbed his palms through her ass as he grasped her soft cheeks.

**We never change do we **

**We never learn do we**

His fingers traveled slowly towards the warm wetness of her womanhood and used the soft pad of his index finger to rub lazy circles around the wet tip of her pleasure making it swell and increased its temperature. She closed the small gap between her pussy and his manhood, rubbing her hips against it, with his finger in between rubbing tip against tip achingly slowly. Every fiber of her being, every nerve, every chemical substance fired inside her brain, was now engaged into one thing, a frantic chase to reach a state of pureness, the blissful pinnacle of ecstasy. Her core buried in the profoundness of her warm and humid womanhood, started to feel a build up sensation, one that ached and grew, and burned until it exploded inside her, having an expansive effect through out her body. She clung more strongly to Derek's neck trying to recover herself from the profound state of bliss.

**So I wanna live in a wooden house **

**And making more friends would be easy  **

**Oh, and I don't have a soul to save **

**Yes and I sin every single day **

But now she needed more now she needed feel him, to become one with him.

"Make love to me Derek."

He gently pulled up her hips and inched slowly his way upwards inside her. Letting them with a feel of perfection they fit together they belong to each other and finally their bodies reencountered what their soul had realized a long time ago. Slowly at the beginning they started to move against each other, searching for a pleasurable friction.

They spent the whole night loving, caressing, feasting on one anther, relieving smells and sensations they once thought they'd never experience again.

They laid intertwined looking at each other silently in complete contentment, completely naked under the covers, not realizing the rays of the sunrise started to creep across their bodies. Not feeling an inch of exhaustion, even when they haven't slept through the night, there they were laying into each other's arms, rejuvenated.

**We never change do we **

**We never learn do we  **

Suddenly Meredith's door was opened harshly, the thump the door resounded against the wall, pulling them off from their happy bubble. Little Abby was standing on the door with a disarray mass of black curls covering her face, followed by the, always faithful, Lucas.

"There is a monster in my room." She stated half asleep, and crawled up the bed wiggling herself between her parents until she made a spot for herself and hit the pillow, falling asleep immediately, not really registering her surroundings, not even giving her parents time to react. Lucas found a spot for himself over a rug on the foot of the bed, he circled a few times behind his tail until he finally laid down, he rested his head on top of his furry paws as he yawned widely and closed his eyes.

Meredith and Derek looked at each other in amusement, as Meredith's giggle echoed, through out the room.

"I love you Derek"

**So I want to live in a wooden house **

**Where making more friends would be easy **

**I wanna live where the sun comes out**

**A/N I know... I know... I'm a lazy ass... Feel free to insult me, you're probably right. Not so sure how this went. Yeah... yeah... there was a condom involved. The song is 'We Never Change' by Cold Play one of my personal faves. I just had to use it somewhere and I finally found a chapter where I could fit It. I forgot to mention I read the c-section thingy some place else, don't really remember where but I really like it and it kinda stuck with me so I decided to include it, obviously it was written differently but I really liked the idea of Derek admiring her scar.**


	17. Princess In Her Shinning, whatever Pt 1

**Princess In Her Shinning… Whatever.**** Part 1.**

Life was good!! Everything was perfect, more than perfect actually… She was living it, tasting it, breathing it, and loving every second of it… The dream, the one she once thought she'd never have. The fairy tale thingy she wanted to believe so much, but life kept sabotaging her against it. It was all there… The McHouse, and the McDog, and the McJob, and her McDreamy and most importantly… her beautiful McDaughter. It was all there for her to take, and enjoy, and be happy about.

If so… Then why was she feeling the way she was feeling? Like she was out of place or something… As if the thing was going to burst at any minute, as if suddenly that guy Kutchner would jump out of a bush or and yell at her; "You've been Punked". She wanted to be happy and let go… but she was so scared of loosing it. For all she knew, things could change in less than a second. When you least expect it… Puff! It's all gone.

She was in freaking out mode, Meredith style, and she wasn't sharing, notice the _'sharing'_ part… it's not like she was avoiding or anything… No, NOT avoiding, especially since she promised herself, and Derek, there would be no more avoiding and more talking… Yeah! Lots of talking… she could do the talking thing… she totally could… In fact talking was all they were doing lately, they talked about the past, and about why she left, and about a lot of things… and she wanted to be better and more talkative… and definitely better for Abby, and for Derek too.

She just… she didn't wanted to worry him, cause he was at the top of his McDreamyness, being all supportive, and patient, and loving… like when he was there through the long and difficult process of rehabilitate her muscles, or like when she was freaking out cause it was her first day as a resident, after three and something years of beauty sleep, and she was all panicky cause she wasn't certain she still had her doctory skills, or previous to that when she had to retake her intern exam cause she was not the only one wondering she lost her skills, apparently the hospital board was wondering the exact same thing… What if somewhere in the middle of her sleeping trip, she forgot all her medical knowledge, and Derek was there through the whole process to reassure her, and massage her back, and even help her study... or like when he's always been there ready to jump into her rescue, while she's still learning to be all motherly for her little girl, telling her how does Abby likes her chocolate milk and her peanut butter sandwich for daycare, or how to braid her hair.

He was always there… all the time… saying things… being her knight in his shinning, whatever and all… So NOT avoiding, just not sharing cause she didn't wanted him to be all stressed out and worried about her, cause stress makes you secrete big amounts of adrenaline, and big amounts of adrenaline during prolonged amount of times can lead to heart attacks and sudden deaths, and stuff like that, and Derek is forty, and statistically that's when heart attacks happen the most, of course the diet and sedentary life was a mayor factor in it, and anybody who knew Derek, knows he's a health nut, but still… she didn't want to risk it so definitely NOT avoiding, just being considerate. That's what girlfriends' do, right? They do the girlfriend thing, and they are all considerate and lovey. And what could be more considering and loving than trying to spare your boyfriend from a potential heart attack?

She was trying really hard to be bright and shiny Meredith, and what a better proof of that, than the fact that she was right there, right now, at the moment… at little Laura's 4th birthday party… Laura… as in Molly's daughter, Molly… as in her littlest half sister.

Yeah!! Abby was all excited all week asking about Laura's party, and telling her she couldn't wait for Mer to meet all her cousins, and how could she let all her daddy issues, and half sisterly issues get in the way of that, and break little Abby's heart by not attending to the party, besides there were going to be clowns and magicians and apparently that's a very good thing since Abby couldn't stop talking about it.

For Abby she was mingling and being all smiley, and sociable with all this unknown people, who were all over her telling her things, and touching her, and hugging her. Apparently there is a herd of lost relatives she never knew about, and they all seemed to remember all kinds of little Mer's and daddy anecdotes. Was she the only one in that party who did not have an anecdote about Thatcher and herself to share? Her memories about them were few and blurry.

Seriously! Haven't they ever heard about personal space? What's with all the hugging, and the kissing, and the crying? There was this fat woman, who started crying the minute she saw her, and four hours later, she was still crying. What the hell? And Derek seemed to be all familiar and happy, and perfectly comfortable with this people, he's not even related to them.

There were all this fatty aunts, and bald uncles drinking bear and talking about football, and a bunch of cousins, and nieces, and nephews running around and calling her, aunty Mer, and then there was this grandma Meredith. Yeah!! Shocker!! She was named after a grandmother she never knew about. The woman is like two hundred years old, she's blind and can't hear with one ear, she needed to stand on the right side of her, and yell at the poor woman really hard, and she basically had to repeat what she was saying a hundred times, which made her feel kinda stupid, and she kept forgetting which one was her good ear, so she wasn't sure if the old woman really understood what she said or who she was, cause grammsy kept nodding a lot.

And then Derek, asked her like a thousand times if she was alright, through the whole afternoon. Seriously! Doesn't he understand the meaning of "I'm fine"?

The whole thing was weird and uncomfortable, it made her feel a freak, and completely inadequate, and unfitting and like a stranger in the middle of this ocean with strange faces, treating her as if they knew her all along. Just cause they saw her once or twice when she was a kid, doesn't mean they know her. So why act as if they did? Why none of this people, the crying lady for instance, didn't try to contact her, or talk to Thatcher or something... If you care for someone as much as you say you do, you act on it; you don't wait for thirty years to pass by to suddenly realize it. Even her half sisters were over attentive and sweet with her. And then there was Thatcher looking skinnier and sick than the last time she saw him.

Finally the highlight of the evening arrived, the parting time, and she was more than happy about it, and eagerly offered to go get their coats while Derek and Abby were saying goodbye, and considering the amount of people, that was going to take while. She really needed to be alone for just 5 minutes and breath, and let her pissy feelings to flow away, and not be mad at Derek for this. For getting himself and her daughter, involved with all these people, he did what he thought was best, and she couldn't let her emotions get in the way of so much progress they had as a couple. So yeah! Getting their coats was her sweet and much needed escape, her opportunity to cool off and not jump to Derek's jugular, they minute they get into their car and be the cause of the very heart attack she's been trying to prevent in the first place. So she was breathing.. In… Out… In… Out…

She chuckled to herself when she discovered a few photos of her little princes. She looked so adorable in her diapers holding her stethoscope, she wondered to herself when was that picture taken, all of this things were happening and she wasn't there. She felt a rush of jealousy for those people who got to see all this moments in the life of her little girl. She took the frame of the picture and caressed it softly.

"Meredith."

Meredith heard a soft voice making her turn to discover Lexie standing in front of her.

"Everything OK?" Lexie said looking at her, nervously.

"Yeah… I was just… looking." Meredith said putting the frame back where it was.

"That's a nice picture."

"It is…"

"My dad took it…"

"Oh!" Meredith gasped in surprise, not knowing what to make, out of that piece of information.

"They were playing at the yard with the water hose…" Lexie smiled softly at the memory. "And they got their clothes completely wet, and Derek didn't leave a second set of clothing, so she was running around the house in her diapers, and suddenly she found my stethoscope and started hearing her own heart…I don't know… but something about that scene yelled… doctor…" Lexie said in excitement.

"I thought that…" It looked that her old stethoscope, but it was Lexie's, it should've been hers, she thought.

"What?"

"Never mind… It is a very lovely picture."

"Would you like me to make you a copy?"

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not… I'll e-mail it to you."

"Thanks."

Something about the whole moment made her want to cry. She's been telling herself over and over, there is no point in dwelling on the past, what counts is the future and the fact that Abby and her are together now, they are building new memories, happy mother and daughter memories. So why does it feels like a stab in the heart every time someone has a good memory to share. This is the kind of stuff she should know in first hand, instead of being told by a complete stranger.

Suddenly a painful realization stroke her like a lightning. She was the stranger, not Lexie, not Molly, not all this people. She was the one who wasn't around, she was the one who missed all this time. And as much as she needs someone to blame… blame life.. blame God… or better yet, blame Derek. She was the only one to blame here, she was the one who decided to leave, she was the one who ran, as she always does… If she would've stick around, she wouldn't have gotten in that accident, and she wouldn't have been absent from Abby's first years. And knowing that , knowing that she had to take responsibility for that ONE decision was one of the most painful thing she ever had to deal with, and coming from Meredith Grey that was a lot.

"Meredith! I… I need to talk to you about something… And I'm really scared because I don't know what you'll reaction will be… and I realize you're not obligated or anything… and I know you don't like us very much… which it's OK… That's totally OK… I get it… I wouldn't like us either if I were you… but… It's just… I really… really have to do this, because if I don't… I f I don't at least try, I don't think I would ever forgive myself for it. And I would totally get it if you say no… I would, but still…"

'_Great_**.' **Meredith thought. _**'**__Another one of Thatcher's legacies. First the snoring amd now the rambling to? That's just… That's just perfect!!__**'**_

"So I'm gonna give it a shot… OK? I'm just gonna close my eyes and blurt it out… and you don't have to say anything right now… You can go home and think about it, and once you've made your decision you let me know OK?" Lexie looked at her nervously with an inquiring look.

"OK." Meredith answered not knowing what to think about all this.

"We need a kidney." Lexie blurted out as fast as she could.

Meredith looked back at her in complete shock, as if suddenly a bucket of freezing water has been thrown on top of her, and the cold of it numbed all her senses, making her incapable of construct any response to that.

**A/N ****Ok so as I promised here it is, I have more written, but the bad news is that, the battery of my lap top just died, and the technician said I wouldn't get it until 7 days from today. So I'm on an internet café right now. So you're gonna have to wait a few days for the other updates and for the update of "THE DATE" which is already written but in paper and by that I mean I handwriting, and since I don't have a computer right now, I can't post it. Because it's a few pages and I can't spent hours on the cafe typing it, so bare with me and be a little patient, but I wanted to give you this cause I promised you. So If you could just show me your love I would really appreciate it.**


	18. Princess In Her Shinning, whatever Pt 2

**Princess In Her Shinning… Whatever. Part 2.**

-

"_We need a kidney." Lexie blurted out as fast as she could. _

_Meredith looked back at her in complete shock, as if suddenly a bucket of freezing water have been thrown on top of her, and the cold of it numbed all her senses, making her incapable of construct any response to that._

"Well, not we… we… my dad… our dad…" Lexie rambled. "Molly and I… well I can't give it to him cause I had hepatitis and Molly… She's pregnant again so… and there is all this relatives, but for one reason or another they can't give it to him. And then there's the list, but he's been on that list for almost a year now… and we are running out of time… the dialysis is… I don't think his body can hold on like this much longer so… I…"

Lexie looked at Meredith nervously. Meredith stood still and in complete silence, looking back at her for what felt for Lexie, like hours.

"How dare you…" Meredith finally spoke, her words were soft, almost as a whisper, with a hint of pain, and shock in her voice, but most of all, disappointment.

"I… I'm…"

"You're putting his life on my shoulders… if I say no… if I don't do what you just asked of me, he'll die… How dare you put that responsibility on me. And here I was a few hours ago kicking myself to try and give you guys a chance, because Abby loves you so much, and you were all being so nice to me… but really all you just wanted was to get one of my kidneys… How dare you…"

Meredith looked at her, trying really hard not to cry right in front of her, she didn't think she could hold her tears much longer so she grabbed the coats and stormed out of the room, leaving a stunned Lexie behind her.

-

Derek was saying good bye to some people, holding in his left arm a very tired Abby. The little girl spent the afternoon running and throwing water balloons with her cousins and the whole activity of the day started to collect it's fee, as much as Abby wanted to open her eyes, her eyelids were fighting a battle to try and stay open, failing miserably at it. Derek felt grateful at her tiredness, it meant she would sleep as a rock tonight, and he really appreciated the quiet nights with Meredith. They usually talked about things, and drank wine, and took long walks through the land, and made love. And he loved those moments with his Meredith.

Suddenly he saw at the distance, a very distraught Meredith coming out of the house followed by Lexie. He excused himself and went to her as fast as he could, knowing that something wasn't right. As he was getting closer to her he could see the monumental effort she was doing to not cry.

"Mer?" He said with a worried expression, caressing her arm softly.

"I wanna go home." She said with a broken voice not having the strength to look at Derek's worried eyes.

"Meredith please…" Lexie got to her.

"I wanna go home now." She said begging Derek with her eyes.

"Ok… lets go home." He realized at that moment, the real reason of her emotional state. He knew this would happen, he saw it coming. He even warned Lexie to not even think about it. Meredth's body has been trough a lot. She's been dealing with a lot of things as it is. Just the fact that she missed Abby's first years was enough pressure for her. She didn't need this. He felt really pissed with Lexie for her stubbornness, but he decided not to add more tension into the situation, he would have a word with Lexie some other time. Right now his major priority was to take Meredith home, were it was warm and safe, and hold her in his arms.

Thatcher noticed the incident too, so he was walking towards them as fast as his lack of breath and energy was letting him to.

"Meredith?" Thatcher asked preoccupied.

Meredith turned her face towards Derek's chest as soon as she heard Thatcher's voice, trying to hide her failed attempt to hold her tears back.

"Meredith, what's going on?" He said looking at Lexie, questioning at his middle daughter with his eyes.

"We are going home…" Derek replied holding Meredith tightly against his chest with his free arm and carried a sleeping Abby with the other, as he walked with his two girls across Thatcher's garden towards their car.

"Lexie?" Thatcher inquired, having a strong suspicion about what have just happened here.

"I'm so sorry daddy… but I can't loose you too." She said with tears in her eyes and a sad expression.

"Meredith! Please! Wait!" Thatcher called out to them and started walking behind them, trying to catch them. "Please… don't… don't listen to Lexie, she's not thinking clearly."

"Right!" Lexie replied in frustration.

"You don't have to do anything… I'd never let you go through something like that, you're body has been through enough already… I don't want to take anything from you… all I want… all I need, is to have another chance with you, and made up for all the lost time…"

"You need to be alive to have that chance with her… Daddy!! Don't you see?"

"Shut up Lexie… I told you not to do this… so shut up..! Meredith! Please don't leave like this! Lets talk about it." He turned to Meredith who was standing beside the car door, waiting for Derek to open it for her.

"I… I need to go home." She said looking at her shoes, not having the strength to look at Thatcher in the eyes.

Derek finally opened the door and she jumped in as fast as she could, wishing Derek would hurry up, as he was strapping Abby into her car seat, who was fast asleep, completely oblivious to all the commotion. Derek shut the door and walked around the car to get to his seat.

"Derek!" Thatcher said mortified.

"Let's give her some time Ok" He said to the sick man, patting his back a few times as he shoot a pissed look at Lexie, he got into the car and drove away… Leaving Thatcher and Lexie behind.

-

Water…

Her thoughts were lost within the vast sight of all the water passing by through her car window, as they drove by. She was admiring the beauty of the lake on the side of the road, as the reflection of the sunset drew reddish and yellow tones mingled with blue and purple over the surface, it looked as it the mirror of the water served as a canvas and could compare in beauty to any of the expressionists paintings.

They spent the last twenty minutes in complete silence, through their way home. She could see Derek gripping the wheel, with the corner of her eye, she knew he wanted to talk, he must be worried, his constricted expression gave him away, but she didn't feel like talking, at least not now, and she appreciated he had the self control to not say anything, at least for now, but knowing him it wouldn't take long before he asked the obliged question… _How are you doing? _ She hated that question, and apparently it was Derek's favorite.

Her mind kept wandering to Lexie's request… no matter how much she wanted to restrain it, and distract herself with something else to not think of what just happened. What do you say to something like that, it's not even a matter of if you want to do it or not, how do you say no, knowing that a man's life depends on your answer. Especially when she's supposed to be a life saver.

"Meredith?" He finally spoke.

"Don't… please… not today…"

"You don't have to…"

"Derek, please could you just for once drop it."

He looked at her feeling her pain. With all the love he was capable of, he wanted to take her in his arms and hold her and tell her everything was ok. But knowing her… Knowing she is who she is, and knowing Lexie put a thorn in her heart which would not leave her in peace until… Hell no… there was no way he was gonna let her…

"Watch out!!" He suddenly heard the urgent and alarmed voice of Meredith warning him.

Everything happened so fast…

When he turned his face to the road, there was a dear in the middle of the road, right in front of them… He turned the wheel as fast as he could he never even thought about it, it was just a reflex. All he wanted to do was to avoid hitting the dear…

He didn't think… maybe he should've… maybe he should've ride right into the dear instead of… but it was to late now… he didn't think… it was just a reflex…

And the next think he knew… they were going right into to the water.

The impact of the car hitting the cold surface of the water was so… Derek hit his head in the wheel and everything went black…

The car was slowly sinking as if it was being swallowed back into the coldness and darkness of the water… Strangely it felt oddly familiar.

-

**A/N OK! I'm gonna run and hide now. Just so you know there is a purpose to all this madness. This is not the end of this chapter… there is a third part… Hiding now. **


	19. Princess In Her Shinning, whatever Pt 3

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**Princess In Her Shinning… whatever. Part 3.**

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"_Watch out!!" He suddenly heard the urgent and alarmed voice of Meredith warning him._

_Everything happened so fast… _

_When he turned his face to the road, there was a dear in the middle of the road, right in front of them… He turned the wheel as fast as he could he never even thought about it, it was just a reflex. All he wanted to do was to avoid hitting the dear… _

_He didn't think… maybe he should've… maybe he should've ride right into the dear instead of… but it was to late now… he didn't think… it was just a reflex…_

_And the next think he knew… they were going right into to the water._

_The impact of the car hitting the cold surface of the water was so… Derek hit his head in the wheel and everything went black…_

_The car was slowly sinking as if it was being swallowed back into the coldness and darkness of the water… Strangely it was oddly familiar._

-

Cold…

Pain… Sharp needles on the legs. Darkness… Numbness… A familiar whimpering voice calling her across the distance, as a whisper coming from far, far away. The coldness is almost unbearable and the…

Water…

The freezing water… a de ja vu… all of it, all over again…

_Let go… Just let go… It's just a second… Just a second and the pain will go away… Let go…_

It would've been so easy, to let go. But the voice, this familiar voice kept calling her… over and over again… this familiar voice.

_It's… It's… NO! Not this time… The voice… It's so close… the__ voice… it's right there… It's… Abby… She… She needs…_

_-_

Caos… Water coming in so fast… Coldness and darkness all over…

"Mo…mmy... Mo…mmy!! Da…ddy…" The little girl called in panicked whimpers, strapped to her chair. Watching the water going in as both her parents seemed to be unconscious.

It took a great amount of strength for her to fight against the weight of the numbness she was immersed. Meredith struggled against the heaviness of her eyelids that felt like two bricks of cement and opened her eyes slowly trying to register what was going on, it took a few seconds for her to realize there was cold water coming all over the place, in her confusion she turned her head to the left, and saw Derek with his head, resting on the wheel. The doctor inside of her reacted by instinct… she reached him carefully and grabbed his wrist, to feel his pulse, and examine his head trying not to move him, in case he had any spinal injury. It's funny how the doctor could act like that without even thinking about it, even when her whole self is still floating on a cloud, and her brain can't still figure out what exactly is happening.

_They were on the road, they were going home… where the hell is all this water coming from?_

"Mo…mmy…!!" Little Abby called her hysterically, lifting her arms to her mother.

That was all it took, for her put back all her senses and attention to the here and now. And she finally realized the severity of the situation. She had to think fast, act fast. She had to do this, no one else could. This time there was no Derek ready to jump and get her out of the water. This time, she was going to have to do that herself. She had seconds. Seconds, before the water filled the entire interior of the vehicle and sunk it to the bottom of the lake.

She reached for her seatbelt as fast as she could and reached for her little Abby, unhooking the straps of her seatbelt bringing her to the front of the car with her. They needed to get out now. But Abby was in panic, and they would have to swim, and she needed to calm her down. The time was running out.

_Get out… Get out… Get out now…_

Abby clung to her mother crying in panic, having for the first time a clear view of Derek. The blood coming out of his head send the little girl into a major panic attack.

"Da…ddy!!" She whimpered trying to reach him with her little hand.

_Get out… Get out… Get out… Get out…_

"Abby!! Are you ok? Are you hurt?" She searched all over her body looking for any sign of injury. "Listen to me…" Meredith took her face, forcing the girl to look into her eyes.. "Look at me… don't look at daddy… look at me… Mommy needs you to be very brave right now ok… mommy needs you to swim like you do with daddy on the pool ok?"

"Da…ddy!!" Little Abby cried out trying to reach for Derek.

"Listen to me… don't pay attention to daddy… I'm going to open the window, and the water will come in very quickly so when I tell you to, I need you to take a deep breath and swim with mommy ok? We have to do this sweet heart… we have to do this for daddy… ok, so trust me… Do you trust me?"

Abby nodded looking at Meredith. It seemed that Meredith finally managed to focus the little girl and calmed her a bit.

"Ok… We can do this baby girl… we are Vikings… we are warriors… we are brave… we are strong… we can do anything together… Ok?"

Abby nodded again. Meredith took her cell phone, from her belt, fortunately it was still dry, and took a plastic bag out the glove compartment, she put the phone inside and tied the bag as tight as she could, and put the phone inside of one of Abby's jacket pockets.

"Take care of that for mommy Ok? Ready? Remember… one deep breath when I tell you…"

She gave a long look to Derek lying unconscious there, and her heart ached.

_It's ok… It's ok… It's going to be ok… You can do this… You can do this… You can..._

She opened the window slowly, trying to control the flow of the water, but the pressure of it was stronger and started to fill the car with no mercy.

"Deep breaths" She yelled as fast as she could to make herself heard against the merciless raw of the water, forcing it's entrance uninvited.

In a matter of seconds the water filled the car, pushing it faster to the bottom of the lake.

Meredith held Abby as tight as she could against her body and started her exit through the window, and started to use all her strength to swim up, in search of a breath of fresh air. Ordering to her brain, not to pay attention to the numbness of her legs and the pain all over her body. She had to reach the surface. She had to find the air. She had to…

_Swim… Fight… Air… Swim faster… Stronger Strokes… Don't you dare give up… Swim… _

Relief…

Relief filled her body the second their heads peeked out of the water and both, mother and daughter inhaled, a deep breath of air, filling their lungs. She took Abby to the shore, and got both of them out of the water she carried Abby to a safe rock away from the water and sat her there.

"Listen to me baby… I need you to do something very important… I need you to use the phone I gave you and call 911 the way daddy taught you too… Ok? I have to… I have to go back…"

"No mommy don't leave me…" Abby clung to her mother and started whimpering in panic.

"I have to do this… Daddy needs me right now… and I need you to do as I'm telling you… You can do it… I know you can… I need you to be really brave for daddy ok? Daddy needs us..."

She kissed Abby in the forehead and started walking backwards towards the water trying to ignore the soreness of her body and the low temperature of it, and the exhaustion invading all her muscles, looking at a shaking, cold and wet little girl, sitting on the rock, holding the cell phone on her little hands, looking at mommy walking away from her with tears in her eyes.

"Mo…mmy!!"

"I'm proud of you baby… I love you so much… You be a strong girl for mommy and daddy."

Meredith turned around and went back into the water.

Wetness… Coldness… Darkness… Numbness… All over again.

-

**4 MINUTE WARNING by Coldplay.**

**-**

**This is just a nightmare**

**Soon I'm gonna wake up**

**Someones gonna bring me round**

**Running from the bombers**

**Hiding in the forest**

**Running through the fields**

**Laying flat on the ground**

**Just like everybody**

**Stepping over heads**

**Running from the underground**

**And this is your warning**

**4 minute warning**

**I don't wanna hear it**

**I don't wanna know**

**I just wanna run and hide**

**This is just a nightmare**

**But soon I'm gonna wake up**

**Someone's gonna bring me round**

**This is a warning**

**4 minute warning.**

**-**

**A/N Oh crap! I'm crying like a baby. So this is the first of a series of mini updates, so you don't have to wait so long for the whole update, and the story gets to advance faster for you guys. Ok. Going back to my hiding spot.**


	20. A Breath Of Fresh Air

**A Breath Of Fresh Air.**

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_She kissed Abby in the forehead and started walking backwards towards the water trying to ignore the soreness of her body and the low temperature of it, and the exhaustion invading all her muscles, looking at a shaking, cold and wet little girl, sitting on the rock, holding the cell phone on her little hands, looking at mommy walking away from her, with tears in her eyes._

"_Mo…mmy!!"_

"_I'm proud of you baby… I love you so much… You be a strong girl for mommy and daddy" _

_Meredith turned around and went back into the water._

_Wetness… Coldness… Darkness… Numbness… All over again._

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Silence…

Calm… The lake, never been calmer, the sounds of the bugs of the night started chirping as an announcement of what would come next.

The light was dimming out slowly, gradually, as the sun buried itself inside the confines of the lake, as if it was being swallowed by it.

Stained, motionless, cold, little Abby. Sat there, looking at the water… at it's calm surface. As if nothing had happened, she searched with her little wet eyes for something, some sign… some movement. As paralyzed as she was she looked at the phone in her small chubby hands and pushed all the buttons his daddy had taught her, she put her shaky hand with the phone on her ear waiting for someone to answer.

"911… This is officer Martinez, what can I do to help you?"

Abby opened her mouth to say something, but the cold was creeping up on her very quickly and all she could do was shake from head to toe. Her teeth were clacking, and her whole body ached.

"Hello? Hello? Hello? Anyone there? Hello?"

Faster than expected the night crept in, embracing everything around. The only perceptible light was the one coming from Abby's cell phone. All the shadows and figures around her, started to seem menacing for a little girl, who couldn't find her voice no matter how hard she looked for it. Maybe the lake monster stole it, or the witch of the night.

A deep and desperate inhaling sound came from somewhere in the lake, accompanied by furious water slapping sounds.

Abby found her voice buried deep inside her throat and squealed against the spasms of all her muscles.

"Mo…mm… y…"

"Mommy is here…" All her bravery came back to her with those two little words, coming from somewhere she couldn't quite distinguish. She dropped the phone without thinking and tried to put her aching muscles in motion by standing up.

She could perceive the slender figure of her mother by the shore dragging a heavy object out of the water, with all the strength her tiny body was capable. She ran –at least she thought she did- but really she was walking painfully towards her mother, as if a thousand needles were attacking her every muscle and joint, so in a titanic act for her little self, she just kept walking one little foot in front of the other, struggling against the cold and pain. She just wanted to get through to her mommy where it was warm and safe, and not scary anymore.

As she got closer to her source of security and she realized the heavy object mommy was pulling, was daddy. He was white as a ghost and his lips were turning blue.

"Da- dd-y!!"

"Stay ri-ght the-re ba-by… Da-ddy will… be… fine…" Meredith said to little Abby, trying to control her clacking teeth.

The great force effort pooped her neck veins out and turned her face red. He was too heavy for her slender body so she fell into the ground with the impulse, provoked by the force Meredith was putting into dragging his body out of the water.

"Mo-mm-y!!" Abby went to her mother and try to help her up.

"I'm ok!! I'm ok baby!" Meredith said comfortingly to her daughter as she got on her knees and started blowing into Derek's mouth at the time as she massaged his heart furiously, over and over again.

_He's alive!! He's alive!! Breath!! Breath damn it!! Breath!!_

Suddenly in the middle of the turmoil little Abby remembered something, something very important. She turned around looking in the middle of the darkness but was unable to see anything, it was so dark that she couldn't see beyond the length of her arms. And the moon that was often a source of comfort for Abby, for the light it provided, was missing.

"I'm so-rry… I'm so-rry…" Little Abby cried inconsolably to her mother who kept desperately trying to make  
Derek breath. "I'm sooo so-rry… I lo-st the ph-one… do-n't kn-ow wh-ere it is…"

There was nothing in the world she wanted the most, but to cradle in her arms at her daughter and tell her it was ok, that she didn't do anything wrong, but she couldn't. Derek needed her right now, she had to make him breath.

"It's ok baby… It's ok… You did good!!" She offered the little comfort she could.

"Da-ddy!!" Little Abby wailed. "I'm so-rry!!"

Her heart broke for her daughter, she would spare from this moment if she could, never in her life she felt so useless, so futile, so she did the only thing she could, she kept massaging Derek's heart, and kept blowing air into his lungs, praying… hoping for a miracle.

She was already feeling tired, the muscles of her arms were burning and sore, but she couldn't stop, she had to keep going, she owe that much to him… her life partner, her lover, her friend, her soul mate and father of their precious little Abby.

A drown and week cough came from Derek's cold body, bringing back the soul to her body with that simple act.

"That's it… That's it…" She cried in relief, as she accommodated his body on his side to help him expulse the water from his lungs.

"Come on… breath…"

He expelled all the water from his mouth and took a deep breath.

"It's ok!! It's ok!!" She said more to herself, to make sure she was waking up from horrible nightmare as she laid beside him, she pulled little Abby with her arm, wrapping herself around the two of them, trying to give them some body heat, and looking for some warmth for herself.

So there they lay in a shaky and cold cocoon trying to get rid of the freezing and wet cold.

"You… swam…" A weak voice was heard beside Meredith.

"I… did…"

"You.. ca…me ba…ck for… me…"

"I ca…me ba…ck for you the last time too…"

"Marry me!" He said at her weakly, looking at her in the eyes, before he got lost within the darkness of unconsciousness…

"Derek! Derek! Wake up!"

In the middle of her plea, the sound of an ambulance trying to find it's way to them came closer and closer.

"You did good baby girl… I'm so proud of you…" She buried her face into little Abby's hair. "Everything will be ok…"

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**I'm on a roll,**

**I'm on a roll this time**

**I feel my luck could change.**

**Kill me Sarah,**

**Kill me again with love,**

**Its gonna be a glorious day.**

**Pull me out of the aircrash,**

**Pull me out of the lake,**

**I'm your superhero,**

**We are standing on the edge.**

**The head of state has called for me by name**

**But I don't have time for him.**

**It's gonna be a glorious day!**

**I feel my luck could change.**

**Pull me out of the aircrash,**

**Pull me out of the lake,**

**I'm your superhero,**

**We are standing on the edge.**

**We are standing on the edge.**

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**LUCKY ****by Radiohead.**

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**A/N Mini update again, but at least I got you out of the major cliff and put you on another… Ups!! Sorry for the anguish moments, but I needed to vindicate Meredith for the drowning thing, and give her a second chance to swim, instead of give up. Uhhhmm I guess I can come out of my hiding spot now. Or not? ;)**


	21. Save You

**I wanna rock-n-roll **

**I wanna give my soul**

**I'm wanting to believe**

**I'm not too old**

**Don't want to make it up**

**Don't want to let you down **

**I want to fly away**

**But I'm stuck on the ground**

**-  **

**So, help me decide **

**Help me to make up**

**Make up my mind**

**Wouldn't that save you **

**Wouldn't that save you**

**Wouldn't that save you**

**-  **

**Watched it all go by**

**Was it really true**

**Is that what it was? **

**Was that really you?**

**I'm looking back again **

**Tracing back the threads **

**You said I was a mess **

**Or was it just in my head**

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**So, help me decide **

**Help me to make up **

**Make up my mind **

**Wouldn't that save you **

**Wouldn't that save you**

**Wouldn't that save you **

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**Something's gotta break **

**You gotta swing the bat**

**Too many years of dying **

**Why is that?**

-

**So, help me decide **

**Help me to make up **

**Make up my mind **

**Wouldn't that save you**

**Wouldn't that save you **

**Wouldn't that save you **

**-**

**-**

**SAVE YOU ****by Matthew Perryman Jones.**

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_Breath in… Breath out… In… Out… Slow… Slow deep breaths..._

That was her mantra, repeating over and over in her head, like a broken record. She needed to be calm… calm and strong. She had to do it for her baby girl. Freaking out was out of the question now. A mother's job was to protect her kid, and she had to be serene and brave, so she could pass on those confident feelings to her little girl. She needed to reassure her and make her feel that everything was going to be Ok.

So she kept repeating those soothing words in her head, like a frightened kid who sang herself to sleep, for the lack of an adult to do it for her, bringing memories of when she had to do just that as a kid when her father left. Usually it was Derek, saying those calming words to her, he was the strong one. He was her rock. But now there was no room for panicky Meredith. Now, adult, mature and in-control Meredith had to kick in. And boy, was it hard.

Sitting right there in the waiting room… waiting… She had tons of time to think. To realize how stupid she can be sometimes. All this years running away from everything, avoiding, pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. She ran away from him so many times. She gave up on life, on love, a few more others

For the first time in her life she didn't want to run, and certainly she didn't want to give up. She was ready to fight and stick around. She was ready to scream out her love for him at the top of her lungs. He asked her to marry him, and this time she wanted to say YES. She wanted to say yes, but she couldn't… she couldn't say it cause right now he was laying there on a OR table, with his brain half open, while Dr. Ryan was repairing a blood cloth, caused by the bump on his head against the wheel.

Was this a punishment? Was this a way of life to tell her it could be too late? Now that she was ready, was she going to loose him? One minute he was asking to marry her, and the next he was laying on a OR table, vulnerable and naked, with his McDreamy hair gone and his dignity and pride taken away from him.

Even though she was trying to not freak out, a part of her was in real panic. What if something went wrong? What if his brain didn't respond as expected? He asked her to marry him and now she wasn't even sure if he would wake up, and if he did would he even remember asking her?

The struggle was tough… The struggle against all those thoughts of terrible scenarios, sliding through her mind, she was freaking out and she had to keep it cool. She was sitting there holding her little Abby in her arms, wrapping her up tight with a blanket to keep her warm. While caressing her black curls to soothe her.

Right after they were rescued by the ambulance they checked up on Abby and she was fine, considering. Abby and Meredith were just really cold, and they had to be warmed up for a while with electric blankets. If the ambulance had take longer to get to them, they could've give in to the hypothermia. But her very brilliant and brave girl, did the right thing and called the ambulance.

Meredith wondered if the little 3 year old realized the very heroic and titanic act she accomplished all by her tiny self. Meredith said it to her over and over again, but the little girl didn't seem to really get the magnitude of her actions. She just seemed very mortified to watch her unconscious daddy, being carried to the ambulance.

So there they were, the both of them, Mother and daughter in the waiting room, expecting some news, preferably good. All her friends were scattered around trying to support her with their presence but knew better, to leave her alone with her thoughts.

It was a little late, and Izzie offered to take Abby home with her, but Meredith refused. Abby would be very upset if she send her home, and quite frankly she wasn't ready to be apart form her child. Not after what just happened to them. They could all have died tonight, she could've lost her baby, and she was pretty sure she wasn't about to let Abby be apart from her ever again.

A slow and heaving figure sat slowly beside her, helping himself with a cane.

"Please don't be mad. Your friend Izzie called us to let us know what happened. We were about to leave to look for you at your house, you were very upset and I wanted to talk to you."

"It's ok." She said with an empty voice. As a soft snore form the little girl cuddling in her arms came out.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine."

"She seems pretty tired." He said looking at Abby's sleeping form. "She had a tough day. Why don't you let Lexie take her home so she can rest."

"No!" She said quickly, as she discovered her sister standing against a wall a few meters away from her looking guilty. "I want Abby here with me. I need her here with me. Besides, it took me a long time to calm her down, if she wakes up and I'm not there, she's gonna freak. She's better here with me."

"Ok" Thatcher said softly trying to find her eyes, but failing at it. "So how is he?"

"Still in surgery."

"Ok… So… we're gonna sit right over there…" He said as he was trying to stand up.

"He asked me to marry him…" She said softly, still not making eye contact with him.

Thatcher stopped his movement and sat back on the chair, waiting patiently for her to go on.

"I lost so much time being afraid to love him, avoiding commitment, trying to justify my coward behavior under the excuse of being strong and independent, at least that's what I kept telling myself. I used to tell myself I didn't needed anybody, what was the point if they would end up leaving anyway..? Everyone leaves, but I had myself… I always had myself, and now I…" Her voice cracked with the last word. "It all seems so stupid now… so stupid…"

"I'm so sorry Meredith… it's all my fault. I failed you, I let you down and I'm so sorry. I know some of things that have been lost between us can never be recovered. I know that. All I want, all I'm asking is for you to let me be around, you know… if you could give me the chance to fight for you, even if it is too late. I still need to keep fighting, maybe… maybe we can be friends. I'll settle with a little piece of your time, and I don't know… maybe have a little chat from time to time?"

"How? How can I do that? You're suppose to trust your friends and you… You were the person I loved the most, and you broke my heart. How can I just put it all behind and see you as a friend. I mourned you for years. I needed you so much and you were never there. Why now? Why after so many years? Why did you waited until you were sick and dying?"

"Because there is this thing about being sick and dying… There is no point of being afraid if you're going to die anyways…"

"I'm a coward… I know I am, I've never been a brave man, the only time I was brave in my life was when I asked your mom out for the first time. Other than that, the only place I felt safe was with my nose buried inside some book."

"Your mom was such a strong woman, so brilliant, a giant and I was small and just… ME!. Each step your mother kept taking forward… the bigger she got… the stronger she got… the more I shrank… the more I disappeared. I knew it all along… I knew she was too much for me. I kept wondering what the hell did she saw in me?"

"I knew some day she would realize that, and she would leave me for someone extraordinary like her. And she did, she found herself a great, strong, wonderful man with a bright future ahead of him. And I thought, why would you want a wimp of a father when you could have a great dad?"

"Your mother told me to never get near you again, she wanted you to become an extraordinary human being, and how could you be great if you were close to such an ordinary man like me. And I guess I agreed with her, you know… I thought you were better off without me. I didn't realize back then it would all go wrong, and then you would end up with no father at all, and then your mother would get bitter cause of it, and you would be the one paying for all our mistakes."

"By the time I realized that, I kept trying to make contact with you, but I always chickened out at the last minute, there were always unfinished letters, phone calls that never got to rang, visits where I never got to knock the door. I was there at all your graduations high school, college, Med school. I even have pictures to prove it. But the fear paralyzed me and I never got the courage to talk to you."

"I was so afraid of a moment like this, of having to look you in the eyes and admit that I have no excuse, no justification at all, other that I'm a coward and I lived all my life like one. Even when Susan died, instead of act like a man, I acted like the coward I am and I put all the responsibility on you. I should've never abandon you, that is the one thing I'll regret for the rest of my life"

"You were extraordinary to me." She said softly with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Meredith, I have nothing to say, other than I plan to use whatever time I got left to try and make it up to you."

Finally she turned her face and looked at him directly in his eyes.

"I want to give you my kidney."

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**A/N And there you all thought I was leaving you there, but I wont cause I can't update that often cause of school and stuff so I'm gonna give you a bit more so you can wait patiently for the next update in peace. He He. I'll update 'Return To Me' the next weekend.**

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"I keep thinking about the good stuff, you know… about the time you dressed up like a princess with me. And all the songs you used to sing me at night, when I was scared, we used to have so much fun. You never were afraid to make a fool of yourself with me. I really… really want you to live, and see if I can find that person I used to love so much in you, and try to start over, cause of me, cause of Abby. Life is too short, and I lost a lot of time already, with stupid grudges and dark and twisty stuff or whatever… I want to take my kidney and save you… But I can't… I can't do it. I have my daughter to think about, and I can't risk my life like that. As a doctor I know the percentage of something going wrong is slim, but also as a doctor I learned, in first hand that the worse case scenario can always present itself. I've seen with my own eyes cases in where there wasn't suppose to be any problems and yet… I…"

"Meredith! I never asked you to do that… I don't want you to do that. I've taken enough from you, I'm not taking your kidney too. That it's not the reason I'm trying to get near you. I just… I love you Meredith… And I need to make this right… I have to make it right."

"But Lexie…"

"Lexie is scared… she's just trying to fight for me, she already lost her mother and she doesn't want to loose me. Please! Don't take it on her, she's your sister. If you can't ever forgive me, you can at least consider the possibility to get closer to your sisters. They are not to blame for my actions, and they are your sisters. Maybe you can get to know each other, and be the family I never could give you."

"I…"

She interrupted herself when she spotted Dr. Ryan walking towards them, followed by chief Sloan. She stood up, supporting Abby on her hip as the little girl rested her head on her shoulder and nuzzled her neck softly, while suckling on her thumb.

All the presents stood up behind her, expecting the news.

"The surgery went very well, I was able to take all the clot out. Now we have to wait until he wakes up, you know that can take some time. We'll know if there has been any damage when he wakes up, I was very careful, but still we won't know for sure. All that's left to do is wait." Dr. Ryan said to Meredith trying to comfort her.

"Can I see him?"

"Just a few minutes for now, he's still in recovery."

"Why don't you go home and get some rest, it can take days for Derek to wake up." Chief Sloan said. She looked really, really tired.

"Mark! I can't, I have to stay here. I need to be here when he wakes up."

"At least go take a nap to an on-call room. Abby needs a warm bed."

"It's Ok Meri." Thatcher said while putting his arm on her shoulders softly, trying to offer her his support. "I got you, go get some rest. I'll be here waiting for news. Go have some rest. Daddy's here."

"I have to see him first."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes and walked away in search of her Derek, holding a sleeping Abby in her arms. Knowing in her heart she wanted to be with this man forever.

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**A/N Sorry for the delay, but you know how it is. School sucks!! Thanks for your patience. **


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